Saturday, December 27, 2008

take a walk (eight words)

in the forrest
and made
no sound

Monday, December 22, 2008

Steakbellie Lands the Job

Great News!
I got the job.
I start tomorrow.

I also picked up a shitload of freelance work.
and now I'll be stuck working every night for a least a month to get both commitments fulfilled.

Being home I noticed that these dogs dont do shit all day. Seriously, they sleep all freaking day until somebody new comes home. I dont know what I thought was going on, but couldnt they be using their time more effectively?

What a life.
Time to get to work.....

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

The Crack of the Bat

The last two weeks have been pretty productive and I'm doing ok. I have spent my time trying to drum up Freelance work in anticipation of a long job search. I have spent my time looking for a full time job. I have spent my time seeing how great my freaking family and friends are.

The phone calls and conversations I've had over the last 2 weeks have been amazing as friends have texted, emailed, and called their offers of help and love. Sometimes I find myself consoling the other person.

The truth is that I'm in a corner and in some trouble without a job. The truth is that, ironically, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. The last four years have been a Crescendo of me settling for something that wasn't a right fit and allowing myself to become afraid. Terrified of losing a job I didn't want. It's a remarkable situation that was twisting my insides.

So I've been applying to other jobs that potentially could be in my price range. I'm going back to a more Creative Environment hopfully but not expecting to truly be happy with work.

So I have an interview last week with a local design firm. I have everything they wishlisted in the posting. And after some conversation I am starting to feel that I want this job. The interview is going well and I've shown them all my web work. He mentions something about 3D Rendering to make a point, and I pull out a whole portfolio of 3D Rendered Illustrations. He starts talking Print Design and I drop the mother load of samples on the table.

The conversation shifts to a place I used to work in NYC.
He mentions the name of a famous designer I used to work for.
I'm surprised that he's heard of this designer and I mention a few nice things about him.
He mentions that he once saw the designer give a presentation on some of the work that was being done in the office and how incredible it was. I let him go on for a minute or two about what he saw.
It was like somebody was throwing me a meatball to knock out of the park.
Because everything he saw that day and still remembers years later.....

Was drawn by me.

I may not get the job
There are a few more people Interviewing for the position
They may be younger than me
They may be cheaper than me
They may have bigger boobs than me
But I feel pretty good to know I have value again.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Making Unemployment Look Sexy

So the last few months have been somewhat hard on me. Business at work has been spiraling down and the tension within the hallways (and in my chest) has been spiraling up. A large part of the work done there is Hiring Services for other companies Nationwide (think background checks & drug tests). If nobody is hiring then there is little to do. It's been eating at me and I responded by stopping running and stopping sleeping.

Monday came and the announcement that WingBowl would ban all pro-eaters this year. (more on that later)

Tuesday I was laid off.

Wednesday I woke up with nowhere to go.

Surprisingly, I feel a little less stress now that I've been laid off. I couldn't control that event, but I can completely control my own job search. Currently I am looking for Full time work as a Graphic Artist or Interface/Web Designer. In the meantime I am looking to pick up as much Freelance Work as possible, as I once worked Freelance for 3 years straight without getting divorced.

If you would like to see some of what I do, check out:
My resume is located at the top of the that screen.
The website needs to be updated with my latest projects but the resume is current.

I design logos, build websites, flash animations, brochures and can truthfully say I am an 'Award-Winning' Illustrator for some of my 3-D Renderings. During the 2001 recession I did pretty well as a lot of companies dropped their Agencies and hired me to do their work (since I was the one doing their work via the Agencies anyway)

Steakbellie is sorry that we will have to cut some corners and unplug your Iron Lung for a few hours each day.

Steakbellie is sorry he gave you Young Joc when you asked for Young Jeezy

Steakbellie is sorry he made you unknowingly test his failed Urine to Drinking Water Conversion Machine. Sorry.

Steakbellie is sorry he forgot to pick you up from practice

Steakbellie is sorry he had to chose between Jen and Angelina

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Hard Times - Heavy Rotation

This is one of the most powerful, yet completely unlistenable albums ever recorded. I've become reaquainted with it after almost a decade and I just cant stop playing it over and over again.....

Monday, November 17, 2008

good morning (eight words)

your scowling face.
it exhausts me.
i'm spent.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Todays Eight Word Poem

The Army has opened a recruitment center in a local mall here. The dramatic duotone Posters all of the inside of the train say it features several simulators: Apache, Blackhawk & Humvee, and that they have an arcade and cafe.

As a guy, these simulation things look fun, but only because they are not real. Now that I am an adult I dont take for granted for a single minute how very different and horrifying the real experience must be. Nor can I fully express the gratitude that I have that their are people willing to defend us when called.

I'm curious how effective this new recruitment angle will be at attracting the video gaming kids of today. I can remember a recruiter cornering me in a hallway of my High School

Joe the Recruiter: (dressed impressivley with lots of medals and insignia and stripes)"So what are your plans after High School."

Teenage SB: (also dressed impressivley in an Iron Maiden 3/4 sleeve concert t-shirt and some well worn black corderoys) "Uhhhh...going to college"

Joe the Recruiter: (physically blocking SB from going to the lunchroom. An all around BAD move if you want SB to ever join your little Army) "We have over 100 different jobs that can give you real world experience AND give you money for college. What is it that you plan to study?"

Teenage SB: ""

Joe the Recruiter: (silence)

So this morning, I saw someone had scrawled something in ballpoint on one of these posters. I was doubly delighted to see that it was eight words long. Here's what it said:

It is a war crime
to recruit children

hope (haiku)

children at the wake
an ugly girl with flowers
unopened presents

Thursday, November 13, 2008

curse of the provider

Some men spend a lifetime
trying to be
the best worker

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

here comes the tide (haiku)

i know how this ends
it is inevitable
i just dont know when

Monday, November 03, 2008

Fill the void with Viagra ads on November 5th (eight words)

I'm looking forward
to messages
unapproved by

Philly was rough on the Rays

Philly was rough on the Rays
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
The Phillies Parade pretty much wiped out Halloween for the people of Philadelphia. At least as far as adults dressing up anyway. Here's a guy who combined the two for an awesome dead Rays Zombie.

Thats the funny thing about Halloween, you can flavor your costume any of four ways.

You can be a Bride
You can be a sexy Bride
You can be a dead Bride
or you can be a sexy dead Bride.

Friday, October 31, 2008

The Phillies Parade

Crowd Building before parade
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
The Parade starts right in front of my building at noon. I'm expecting a complete madhouse today. The wife and kids are coming in to watch

8:03 Getting off the subway and people are ALREADY lined up against the barricades and cheering the buses going by. They are 4 hours early.

8:53 getting louder and louder out there. Cars laying on the horn, crowds cheering

Police Escort
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
9:30 Minimum 2 Deep against the barricades with Thousands milling about behind them. My wife and kids cant get a train...they're all full!!!

10:14 Wife and kids finally crammed onto train. She held up the phone as the passengers roared 'LETS GO PHILLIES'

10:33 this is getting ridiculous.....

The Philly Phanatic
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
10:41 Someone has a monstrous music system playing queens ‘we are the champions’ and THOUSASNDS of people are singing along right now.

10:47 A column of 50+ Police Vehicles with full sirens is passing

11:04 Police have closed Market Steet to Traffic

11:25 I am headed down into the fray soon

Phillys Win!
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
1:13 that was completely insane. cell phones arent working in the city so i couldnt twitter it, hundreds of thousands packed the streets for the parade. Tickertape pouring down from the skyscrapers. A see of drunk Phillies Fans in red.

Yo Philly!
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

After the Phillies parade
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Steakbellie is no longer sorry

Steakbellie is sorry he didnt tell you he was lying about being fluent in French, before you bought the tickets

Steakbellie is sorry for switching your Vicodin with Viagra

Steakbellie is sorry he followed you through the Parking Lot and all the way back to your house

Steakbellie is sorry that he has been flushing a handful of Concrete MIx down your toilet everytime you invite him over

Steakbellie is sorry he told you he had date for the prom, when you both knew he didn't

Steakbellie is sorry he wasnt strong enough to be your man

Steakbellie is sorry he never won anything

Steakbellie is sorry he left his underwear on the kitchen counter, again

Steakbellie is sorry he tried to wipe dirt off your face even though he KNEW it was a mole

Steakbellie is sorry he sold your World Series Tickets

Steakbellie is sorry he secretly moved your car while you were at lunch

Steakbellie is sorry he made you clean all the dog poop off the lawn on your birthday.

Steakbellie is sorry about pairing the red wine with the fish

Steakbellie is sorry he spent the office pool lottery money on comics and then lied about it

Steakbellie is sorry he cried during your budget meeting

Steakbellie is sorry he took an anonymous bite from your sandwich and returned it to the lunchroom fridge


So many of the broadcasters are drunk!!!!!!!

Alot of fires, alot of us idiots turning over cars.


Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The First Stone

I was going to write a natsygram post about Beyonce insisting that people call her 'Sasha Fierce' from now on. (I wasnt kidding when I said I read those stupid magazines) I remembered that I get mail and even once a wedding invite that actually said "Mr & Mrs Steakbellie" written in Caligraphy.

Wife wasnt too happy about that one.....

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

My new tatto (eight words)

if found;
deliver me to
Emergency Room

Tuesday (eight words)

calls handled
the order
they are

without foundation (haiku)

position of strength
complacency erodes it
crumbled and rusted

put ME in coach (eight words)

$100,000,000 and
cant play
in the


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Eight Words from Stall #1 in the Millenium Hotel (eight words)

"Sound like
a couple
of faggots
to me"

Friday, October 17, 2008

Philadelphia 3-Day Walk!

My wife has started her 3-Day walk for Breast Cancer! It's a 60 mile walk to raise money and awareness in the Philadelphia Area. Also walking with her is Competitive Eater Wing Kong and his wife, and neighbor Amy. I will be sort of Live Blogging this over the next 3 days.

5:30 Leaves out the front door with her suitcase in search of adventure!

6:30 am Runs into Jenne at Willow Grove. Jenne is like the head muckety-muck of this event and someone that we've known for a few years through our blogs. She pretty much rocks.

9:30 am Multiple texts received from Wing Kong that are lies.

10:30 am Phonecall from my honey! Everything is going great and they are stopping to pee somewhere. Has a headache though.

1:04 pm Phonecall! She's at the lunch-stop 10.8 miles in. Says the bottoms of their feet hurt. They are laughing alot. Says she saw 'Hub' (Jenne's husband who we went to college with, says he looks the same. jerk.)

1:58 pm text: "8 miles to go!"

4:24 pm laughing delieriously, says knees hurt. 2 miles to go!

5:42 pm She made it TWENTY MILES!!!!

6:30 pm My girl is TIRED!!!


5:56 am I text her. "Do you need anything from home?" "The Car."

9:00 am I bring two of the boys down to Manajunk and we walk a mile or two with her. She's got bandages on her blistered feet and cant stop too long. She looks great!

1:59 pm Passing City Hall! Still moving!

4:30 am She's back at Camp and looking through the Memorial Tents. Very Moving.


8:30 am Phone Call. Walking and hurting. Feet are bleeding. Bad Blisters.....little bit crying

11:45 amMe and the boys head down to Bryn Mawr and wait with signs we made. They say "Walk Baby Walk!" We cheer on the crowds as they march by. We finally see her and she's moving pretty good. Lots of kisses from the boys but she's afraid to stop for too long

3:32 mmSHE MADE IT!!! She's going to eat and wait for us at the 5:30 pm Closing Ceremony!

4:00 pmSHE MADE IT!!! Me and the boys leave for the 5:30 pm Closing Ceremony! We are intending to be early and get a good seat.

6:15 pm20 Minute ride to Villanova takes TWO HOURS AND FIFTEEN MINUTES. Apparently the Three Day is soooo successful that the streets, parking lots and stadium are completely overrun with gridlock traffic of loved ones trying to catch the event. Traffic extends for miles for the exit on 476 North and South. Everyone is frustrated and I get in a verbal fight with some asshole who tries to pass me the shoulder about an hour into the gridlock. I wanted to kill him. My Mom and Dad make it from Jersey about the same time because of the traffic.

6:16 pmCatch the final 15 minutes of the ceremony and hear a wonderful speech by Jenne. Wow!! After years of reading each others blogs I finally get to meet her in person. She's very busy wrapping things up so it's only for a minute, but it's kind of crazy that their is a real person on the other end of her blog! Also get to see her husband who I already know and adore from college. He looks awesome.

6:30 pmMy honey is emotionally and physically spent. What an incredible event. We goin collect her bags and those of Wing Kong & Wife and head to the van. Traffic is unbelievable and it takes 1.5 HOURS just to exit the Parking Lot!!!! My poor honey is exhausted and tired and has the worst blisters I've ever seen on feet. My Dad WALKS to a local pizza shop and returns with pizza for everyone. We still hadnt moved. Great Pizza.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

in my fridge bag (haiku)

apples and oatmeal
carrots, spinach, celery
yogurt and walnuts

a new hope (haiku)

plotting and planning
we can make this worthwhile
the end of silence

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Interview Alert

I will be on BBC Radio 2 this Friday October 17th at 1:45 Eastern Time. This is their evening drive home radio show and their SportsCaster wants to hear about my setting of the Haggis Record and about Competive Eating in General. Said it should be about 5 minutes.

You can listen over the internets here:

I've filled in the details on Wing Kongs Bean record post and now I need to fill the Haggis post with photos and details. So much to do!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Haggis World Record 3lbs in 8 minutes - Steakbellie

Wikipedia's Entry for Haggis

Haggis is a traditional Scottish dish.

There are many recipes, most of which have in common the following ingredients: sheep's 'pluck' (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal's stomach for approximately three hours.

If you look further down in the wiki, you'll see that I own the record for eating the stuff. (thanks Mathis!!)

Doesnt sound all that appetizing though when you put it like that. If you think about it, it isnt that much different than Hot Dogs, Sausage or Scrapple, except it is Sheep based and not Pig based, and despite tasting ok it smells god-aweful.

Haggis is often contested accross the globe at Fairs and Festivals but because of how difficult the food is to eat, it is never more than a pound. My goal was to triple the most Haggis ever eaten and to do it in a conventional 8 minute format.

Coordinating approval from the International Federation of Competitive Eaters and the Preston and Steve Show at WMMR took over a month. The IFOCE requires an EMT be present at all contests, and the legal team at WMMR was relieved to hear it.

Finding Haggis in Pennsylvania was extremely hard and I scoured the internet and specialty meat markets in Philadelphia. Eventually my brother was able to provide a source in New Jersey.(thanks Joe!) I bought 6lbs of frozen Haggis over the phone that my Dad Fed-Ex'd to me still frozen. (thanks Dad!)

My stomach capicity is over 6lbs of food, but I knew that the high fat content (like eating cold sticks of butter)would make this food very difficult to get and keep down. Because the actual Haggis was so expensive to buy and ship, I used Scrapple to test my capacity. 3lbs would be very hard to hit.

A very tough morning for me but I pulled it off! There is a ton of video and pictures and I will add all of that to this post as it comes in. It was the first time I ever got nauseous in an eating contest, but I powered through it and feel great now.

Funny: My pee is bright yellow like I took vitamins!!!!

Baked Bean World Record 84oz in 58 seconds - Wing Kong

He ate TWO of these suckers!
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
This was just amazing. There was a ton of photos and video verifying the weighing and then the eating.

The Pork & Bean Record stood for 4 years. It's a very odd quantity because it was originally sponsored by 84 Lumber. They had the Eaters eat 84oz of Pork and Beans (around 5.2lbs!) and the first person to finish the bowl won the contest. Thats different than most contests today that have a standard time of 8 minutes and the Eaters eat as much as they can in that time. Some great names of Competitive Eating took part in this contest and the best time ever recorded was a minute and 22 seconds.

Now everybody loves them some beans, so it's a highly respected food in this country. Think of the amazing power they have over your gastric processes and yet you continue to come back for more! If Potato Chips made you fart like a dragon, you probably wouldnt eat them as often as you do baked beans.

I think what makes this stunt so difficult is:
1. You have to be able to hold 5+ lbs of food
2. You have to also be able to swallow without chewing
3. You have to have a wife that will put up with your stupid ass when you do some crazy shit like eat 5lbs of Pork and Beans.

While some eaters have one or two of these traits, Wing Kong has a fine balance of all three. He first discovered his ability a few years ago when he ate a few lbs of them to get into Wing Bowl. I think back then he realized he actually had a chance to break the record.

A few months ago Wing Kong contacted the Preston & Steve show on a whim to see if they would go for him breaking the stunt on the air. The guys at the radio station could sense the potential for collossal failure and good radio and signed him up.

Because we are contracted by the IFOCE, Kong had to get special permission to do the stunt on the air. The biggest concern is safety and we had to hire an EMT to be present while Micah ate the beans. Choking to Death while eating Beans is comical and good for radio, but bad for breaking a world record.

Empty Pork & Bean Bowl
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

The folks at the Preston & Steve were very accomodating and helpful. They were truly fascinated that a person could actually eat that much food at once and were rooting for him. They actually run the most organized and professional studio I've been in.

Having seen Wing Kong do the stunt several times in the months prior, I knew that everything hinged on his swallowing rythem. He would need to get the bulk of the beans down in the first 20 seconds and be careful not to swallow too much air in the process. An airbubble in the stomach would cause a burp that could interupt his attempt.

Not only did he break the record, but he crushed it finishing the whole amount in only 58 Seconds!!! has a podcast posted of the entire show.
you want the podcast of 10/08/08

There is also a YouTube Video of his stunt
It's worth seeing.

Monday, October 06, 2008

How I will get a World Record

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
This Wednesday morning I will be on the radio in an attempt to set the Haggis 8 Minute World Record. As you may know Haggis is a traditional Scottish Meal made up of the innards of a sheep ground and mixed with some oatmeal. It is extremely Rich and fatty and is not unlike Scrapple except that it smell is more like death. Tastes ok though.

Because the food is so rich and satiating, there are NO RECORDS that exceed 1lbs. I have found several contests that are contested annually (including in Scotland, Western PA and California) but they all feature a single 1lbs of Haggis and the winner is the one who can finish it the fastest.

The fastest result is 1:30, and I fully anticipate to eat my first lbs in under 1 minute. The remaining 7 minutes is where all the trouble starts and I will be struggling to break 3lbs and in my fantasy world eat 4lbs. My capacity is more than double that weight, but this is more about intestinal fortitude on my part, being able to keep eating when all of my senses are opposed.

I can pretty much garuntee that the rest of the day wont be much fun.

Wing Kong and His Ride
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
Also attempting to break a World Record will be the great Wing Kong. He will be attempting to break Dale Boones long standing Pork & Beans Record of 84oz in 1:52. I've seen him practice this stunt and it is just so incredibly amazing! It may be one of my favorite stunts of all time, the bowl is as big as a steering wheel. I'm certain I could never come close to that speed in this disclipline.

Eating against the clock is much harder than eating against a rival, so we will both have to be on our game to create a record that will last. This will be a first record for each of us.

This whole thing has come full circle for me as eating Haggis was my very first stunt that I did to get into WingBowl 14, 3 years ago. I forget if it was 1.5 or 2lbs I ate that day but I know that I kept getting phantom wiffs of it for months afterwards. The smell kinda haunted me.

Whats also funny is that this simple moment on the radio may be how I am remembered anecdotaly for years to come. I have spent a whole life, loving and working and someday the only thing my great-grandchildren will know about me is that I once ate more sheep guts than anyone else. Ever. What do you know about YOUR great-grandparents?

The radio station we will be on is WMMR out of Philadelphia. We will be on Wednesday October 8th, 2008 sometime after 8am EST.

They will offer Podcasts and Videos of the show here and you might be able to listen live.

Thursday, October 02, 2008


Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Worth Sitting Through The Commercials Unless You Are A 'Value's Voter'

If you havent scene this it's SNL's second week of fun with Sarah W. Palin. Whats really scary is that they kept alot of Couric's Interview word for word.

an open haiku to congress (haiku)

to spend is to tax
you are blowing our future
better learn chinese

father to son (eight words)

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
how exactly
do you
think you're
getting home?

Friday, September 26, 2008

Ode to Fusion Man, National Hero of Switzerland

You know there was a time when if someone put on a fancy silk suit and strapped themselves to a rocket you could be damn sure they were an American. Can anyone be surprised now to hear that this man is from Switzerland? Only a month ago they finished building a Proton Collider, and they ice the cake with Fusion Man.

He built that Rocket Powered Wing all by himself and then shot himself over the English Channel.

Sure we've made inroads with Hot Dog Eating and Bicycle Racing, but since the death of Evel Kineval who can we look to for Rocketing Across Canyoning?


We have the guy with the lawn chair and the Helium Balloons, I dont want to get down on him. He's a good guy.

I think as Americans, the world is looking for us to do something stupid (that doesnt involve killing Arabs) and we have been letting them down.

I see Fusion Man as a wake up call to all of us as a Nation. This is the launch of Sputnik, People!

I need to learn how to weld. I need to do something great.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

i was the sweetest, idealist, most bowl cutted little guy

If I could relive
my youth
I'd make a big Iron Fist
with my Dad's Propane Torch
in our Epoxy coated basement
and I wouldn't be afraid
to beat the shit out of a few fuckers

a short but distinct list (eight words)

i dream
of punching
you in
the eye

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

i've always felt you can burn the impurities from your body

One of those days that when I get home, I am going to dump a pile of cayenne pepper powder on my much that it hurts alittle bit going down. so much that my wife can smell it from accross the table and start much that I'll instantly start sweating on my forehead and on the back of my neck. If there were a record for cayenne pepper, i'd own it tonight.

Crazy as it is, thats what will make me feel better.

I'll say the exact same joke that I've said for years too. 'Boy Honey, these noodles sure are spicy.' as if they came like that. as if they were supposed to be red and not pale yellow.

I used to use Hot Sauce, but I'd put so much on my food that the sodium would keep me thirsty for days.

Just a shitty day, and i'm hoping to sweat it out. If you put enough on, you'll forget about everything else. I promise.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Law of Diminshing Expectations

I was planning on running the Philadelphia Marathon on November 23. I have an online schedule of training that I've been following for a few months. I've been able to train during the week, running 3-5 miles 3 days a week, but havent been able to pull of the long runs on the weekends. These weekend runs are really important as they are the ones that really prepare you for the humbling punishment of a marathon. I've run this one before. Just a long time ago, and somewhat skinnier.

Reasons I havent been to run on the last 3 weekends?
* Hamburger Eating Championship
* Kids Football Games & Painting Bathroom
* Really Drunk

I've gotten up to 7.5 miles in my long runs, but really people, it's the UGLIEST 7 miles you've ever seen. I feel like a shopping cart with that one fucked up wheel. Shuddering down the road drifting from one side of the road to the other, dropping sweat and profanity all over the road. It's bad.

There was a time that I'd make myself do the Marathon anyway...or just straight out Quit. "Suck it up Asshole."
Black or White

Along with the Grey that some of you avery kind people have pointed out in my beard I think I have a middleground decision.
I'm going to run the Philadelphia Half-Marathon on the same day.

I have enough training to pull it off already and I wont be completely killing myself to finish.

trapped (eight words)


it's out there (eight words)

i looked
for it
and i
found it

Friday, September 19, 2008

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Get Ready for the World Biggest Money-Grab!

Just when I thought we couldnt get screwed any worse, Bush is about to use taxpayer money to bail out and reward Companies who did stupid and unethical things. The people who actually hold those mortgages wont get any releif, but the burden of this whole fiasco is about to be put on the Middle Class....or more likely the Children of the Middle Class.

Not only are we borrowing money from China to pay for this war, but we're borrowing even more to pretend our Economy is ok. George Bush has the Country living off a credit card and doesnt care about the bill because he will be gone by then.

Be very afraid when the Administration is moving this quickly and the Stock Market jumps 800 points in 12 hours...They know who's getting the money!

The Hopeful Republican Astronaut (eight words)

I can see
the moon
from my

(thanks anon comment on previous post!)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Finally a Republican Realist

Here's some quotes from an Interiew with Republican Senator Chuck Hagel considering how his party is selling Palin. Emphasis by me.

"She doesn't have any foreign policy credentials," Hagel said in an interview published Thursday by the Omaha World-Herald. "You get a passport for the first time in your life last year? I mean, I don't know what you can say. You can't say anything."

Could Palin lead the country if GOP presidential nominee John McCain could not?

"I think it's a stretch to, in any way, to say that she's got the experience to be president of the United States," Hagel said.

McCain and other Republicans have defended Palin's qualifications, citing Alaska's proximity to Russia. Palin told ABC News, "They're our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska."

Hagel took issue with that argument. "I think they ought to be just honest about it and stop the nonsense about, 'I look out my window and I see Russia and so therefore I know something about Russia,'" he said. "That kind of thing is insulting to the American people."

Hagel, a senior member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, has been a vocal critic of the Bush administration since the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

I'm a Feminist, but there's no way in Hell I'm voting for someone just because they are a woman. This woman believes that the Earth was created by God just 7,000 years ago and that an actual Adam and Eve co-existed with DINOSAURS. We just spent the last 8 years under the helm of someone else with a childlike fantasy distortion and it has destroyed our Country.

She believes that the Iraq War is a 'Task From God' although recently tried to backpedal and say she was quoting Abe Lincoln during the Civil War. Who actually believes she knows anything about Abe Lincoln and would have been able to draw from his writing for some speech she was giving in a Church? Clearly that was some Karl Rove type coach trying to package her extremist views as informed or as Centrist.

It would be a bad message to the rest of the world if McCain became President, but I know he'd be better than the current embarrassment. If Palin were to somehow to end up President, I think it would be the end of our Country. We dont need any more lunatics at the helm.

And why do these freaks always think God is on our side?


The Boys
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
I realized this morning that it's been years since one of my sons stood below me and raised his arms to be picked up. A good portion of young parenthood is spent carrying those little monkeys around. They are too tired or asleep or dont like the feeling of sand on their feet.

It's exhausting but it's feels so good to have their arms around your neck.

They are too big or too proud now to need me like that. I dont think I could even pick up the older two in anything other than a Firemans Carry anymore. Sometimes I get to carry the baby to bed when he falls asleep in my room though. It's nice because I can smell his sweaty hair.

I remmber thinking about this years ago when the oldest was breaking 100lbs. I started lifting weights so I wouldnt have to tell him I couldnt carry him.

There must have been a last time though. I'm sad because I cant remember it. If I knew it would be the last time, I probably wouldnt have put them down though....

I miss that.

Neo Foreign Policy (eight words)

i can see russia


and I love her with all my heart!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

knoxville (haiku)

rain on the fairgrounds
darkness replaces the crowds
he was so damn close

Friday, September 12, 2008

Anybody Gotta a Ratchet Set?

If this Super-Collider wont destroy the planet,
then I'm going to make one that will.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Steakbellie really bored with Steakbellie

The Office of Minerals Management Service

Arent we supposed to be lamenting 9/11 today? Instead I've drawn the above illustration over my frustration yet again with the 'Values' of this Administration. The people of the Office of Minerals Management have been giving away our natural resources for sex, drugs and vacations. No wonder the Republicans want to keep drilling.

In a way we ALL got screwed, just differently.

Drill Baby Drill!

Go ahead, counter this theft by telling me Obama is secretly a Muslim again, Mr Limbaugh.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

LHC (yeah, you know me!) (haiku)

quark-gluon plasma
condense for me a black hole
so we wont be bored

Monday, September 08, 2008


I'm back from Atlanta and had a great time. I'll write up the contest in a day or two, when I get some time.

I think maybe my post about the RNC Convention gave some people the impression that I would be voting Republican this year. Waaaaay not the case. I'm just looking at the lesser of Evils and actually grateful that they put up McCain instead of some lunatic like Huckabee or Romney.

Friday, September 05, 2008


I'm headed down to Atlanta for tomorrow's Krystal Burger Qualifier. There are 7 Qualifiers over 2 months all around the South. The winner of the qualifiers plus the top 3 non winning totals move on to the Championships in Chattanooga.

Those of you in Atlanta, it will be at the Lenox Square Mall at 2pm. Typically these are held at State Fairs so I'm excited to be indoors!

Krystal Burgers are about 5 grams heavier than a White Castle and are sold throughtout the South. I have a minor disadvantage as I cant train with the real thing but Wing Kong and I have worked out a good surrogate.

Two years ago I ate 23 in 8 Minutes. Last year I ate 31. I hope to break 40! this year. Last year 41 was good enough to make the Wild-Card but I'd be surprised if it wasnt at the 50 Burger mark now.

Most of the Pro Eaters agree that this is the best run contest on the circuit, it's really nice that they put alot of care into the food prep as well. Many contests dont bother to serve you the best stuff. Krystal is also putting up $50,000 split up to the finishers at the finals!!

Here's a news release that mentions me!

Thursday, September 04, 2008

That sinking feeling

It's amazing to me that the Republicans have nominated John McCain. I've been a fan of his for a long time and while I dont agree with everything he does, I feel he is competant and be a fine President in most years. The current Republican leadership has never liked McCain, but I think they are backed into a corner because of what a freaking mess they have made.

The pairing of Palin as a VP has really made this whole thing bizarre though. Within hours people are savegly defending someone they had never even heard of before. They are defending her against the very same attacks they used against Obama.

Some of the things I dont like:
* Obviously the familiy is going through a rough patch and I think people in general should back off criticism. It kinda gets my goat though that these same people shove an abstinence only message down all our throats when the statistics show that leads to MORE pregnancies. I certainly dont want my kids to have sex, but leaving them to figure it out on their own is pretty fucking dumb.

* Stop parading the baby-daddy around like he spends his summers yachting with the Bush's. He's an 18 year old hockey player who until 2 days ago had a MySpace page that described himself as: "I'm a fuckin' redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shit and just fuckin' chillin' I guess. Ya fuck with me I'll kick ass." I'm actually fine with all that, but the reality is that the kid is in big trouble and shouldnt be on stage shaking hands with John McCain and waving to a TV audience of millions.

* Believe it or not there are some well educated people out there that think the Iraq war, it's expense, the loss of our precious soldiers, and several HUNDRED THOUSAND dead Iraqi's is ok...and why do they think it's ok? Because Bush said that 'God Told Him To Do It'. Palin believes this same crap. How is this rational? These same people LOVE the Constitution when it comes to their firearms but disregard it when they drag us into their own religeous wars. If God really wants some ass kicked, than this war should be paid for by the Offerings on Sunday. I'm not paying to fund their hatred anymore.

* So I listened to the Convention on the radio abit and heard some of Rudi Giuliani's speech. He's another Centrist (see Birdy Comment) that I've liked for a long time. He was extremely effective in cutting into Obama.

What sickened me though was the crowd reaction that stopped his speech during his segment about energy. 50,000 bloodthirty people chanting "DRILL BABY DRILL!!!!" over and over again made me realize that these people dont know, and dont care to know, the problems this country and world are facing. It's offensive actually.

Dont my wife know it.

"We pros take it very seriously," he said. "If we let on how serious we took it, we'd look like idiots."

-Humble Bob Shoudt, after beating Joey Chestnut in a Cincinnati Chili Eating Contest this past weekend. (He ate 13.5lbs of the stuff!!!!)

This is the most resonating and brilliant quote I've ever read.....

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Scene from my life.

Local Fast Food Restaurant
Steakbellie and his middle son walk into the restaurant and get in line to order. Ch@rlie keeps laughing to himself.

Cashier: "Can I help you sir?"
SB: (turning to Ch@r) "Do you want anything?"
Ch@r: (laughs again) "No Thanks."

SB: (looks over Cashiers head at the Menu and feigns reading) "Uhhh, jeeze...I guess, gimme Thirty-Eight Hamburgers and a Small Diet Coke."
Cashier: "Seriously?"
Ch@r: (Laughs)
SB: "Yes"

Cashier: "For You?"
Ch@r: (Laughs)
SB: "Yes"

Punk in line: "Thats alot of hamburgers"
Ch@r: (Laughs)
SB: "Yes"

Cook in Back receiving order: "Is this for real?"
Ch@r: (Laughs)
Cashier & SB in unison: "Yes!"

Monday, August 25, 2008

My Wife is Walking the Philadelphia Breast Cancer 3-Day!

So there she goes. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a 3 Day Walk, Twenty MIles a Day...SIXTY MILES that raises money for breast cancer. People that walk need to train and raise money. If you'd like to donate some money for my wife's walk click the box below. Its pretty awesome. I don't know how everyone isn't crying all the time when they do this.

Please forgive me if you have received something in addition to this. I have decided I am going to lace up my sneakers and walk for breast cancer! I am so proud of strong my mother in law has been the past few months, dealing with this nasty stuff, to show her a smidgen of how much I love her I am going to walk 60 miles, in her name. I HAVE to raise $2200.00 in order to participate so i am pulling out the big guns. Please go to the website below. if it doesn't work, ( I have been having problems sending it out through the web site) please google philly 3 day and type in my name, you should be able to donate through a search. In the meant time my best friend Kelly, and neighbor, Amy are walking as well. We will be planning a fundraising "pink " party with pink attire, pink drinks, raffle baskets, appetizers etc. Details to follow! Any volunteers to help let me know:)
Thank you in advance for your love and support!

Help me reach my goal for the Philadelphia Breast Cancer 3-Day!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Best Four Years of Your Life

Twenty-Three Years Ago I was fourteen and entering in the auditorium of my High School. It was Freshmen Orientation and I was wide eyed at gathered new students who would be in my class. They were animated with nervous excitment.

I was months away from reaching my full adult height of 6'1" and looked like a collection of sticks that was being held together by an Iron Madien tshirt and a pair of black courderoys. I had a greasy mullet, bad skin and was plauged with constant hard-ons that seemed to be inspired by absolutely nothing.

High School would be a chance for me to meet some friends or girls even, but a breakout of cold-sores on my lip that week had me folding myself into a brown metal theater chair somewhere in the back. Trying to be invisible.

I can clearly remember the speech the Principal gave. He was inspiring and hopeful and told us how these next four years would be the best four years of our lives. How we'd always look back fondly at what happened here. We would become the men and women we would be BECAUSE of our experiences in those classrooms. It was a limited time last chance to be full of hope and wonderment before being released out into the world.

Months later Bruce Springsteen would release the song 'Glory Days', which incidently is about My High School. Bruce had walked the same halls.

What the Pricipal didnt say was that the Puerto Rican kids would torture the scared White Freshmen kids for the first 6 months flicking them in the head with their fingers as they walked by. My lanky height and neary-complete-two-halves of a moustache would keep them from realizing that I wasnt an upperclassman however.

I've thought about that speech every once in awhile over the last 23 years. My theroy is that it was written before kids regularly went to college, because those four years were really the best five years of my life. The speech is handed down from principal to principal to deliver to incoming Freshmen. Everyones heard it.

Was he right? Maybe in some ways, but not completely for me. I was was too idealistic-naive-uncomfortable at the time to understand what the hell was going on.

Do they still give the speech?
I'll let you know, My oldest son is at Freshmen Orientation right now.

winner by default (eight words)

i plan
out last
all of

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

and begin

Lake Pleasant
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
i'm exhausted.

The Steakbellie calander starts and ends with my vacation in upstate New York every summer. Typically I am refreshed and eager to begin the year, but troubles at home shortened and ruined our vacation this year.

I feel like your cellphone that you really really need today but forgot to plug in last night. You're going to have to get by on only one bar today.

There's alot I want to do this coming year and I am just going to have to straighten myself out to get it done.

It's almost my 15th Anniversary and I want to take my wife away to somewhere special as a reward for dealing with me on a daily basis. That job cant be easy, people.

I want to eat 40 Hamburgers at next Months Krystal Burger Contest, because that seems like a sensible thing to do. WWSBD?

I want to run in the Philadelphia Marathon in November, because I dont know what else to do with my life, and added prolonged physical pain keeps me from becoming a zombie. or a fatty.

I'd also like to get a little more economically stable. bills keep me up at night.

I'd like to write a short story. My writing has been really flat lately, but I think thats just a mental phase, I'd like to write something and submit it somewhere just to see if it could get published. I'm pretty sure I could pull it off, just need to decide to start.....

Monday, August 18, 2008


Our 80 something neighbor stumbled in her thick shoes over the lawn. My wife sensed distress and sent me to meet her halfway. She was disheveled and weepy and her greyish blue hair wisped about in the wind.

She sat down in the grass and told me the horrible news. Her husband had left her that morning. He ran off with a girlfriend, and she used the word 'bitch' and immediatley appologized with embarrassment.

Now I was the one who was panicked and waved my wife over. Do you tell her that you know for a fact he didnt cheat on her? Do you remind her that he's been dead for 25 years? Oh Boy....

Friday, August 15, 2008

Did you know?

I was in a very long and important meeting this morning involving all of the other Senior Managers. There was talk of budgets and schedules, hirings and firings, various Security Issues. I kept thinking 'I wonder if I can swallow a White Castle Burger in a single swallow'

At lunch I bought a two pack at the dirty 7-11 and gave it a shot. I fit a whole burger in my mouth. It's takes me 2 swallows but I can actually do it without chewing at all. The force of my throat tears it apart. Isnt that fun? YAY!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

My Very Own Olympiad

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
This Olympics is going well for me. I've actually stayed up and watched almost every performance by Michael Phelps, which is pretty incredible because I've hated the Olympics for a LEAST a decade.

They turned me off when the American Teams started allowing it's Professional Athletes to compete, and we all know that our Professional athletes are douche-bags.

Even if we get less medals I'd rather see some poor sot from Duluth represent us after forgoing a Professional Career and Money to fullfill an Oylmpic Dream. Show me some American Idealist who has had to get by on packs of Ramen Noodles and Slim Jims. Someone who will be really crushed when they come in 4th because they devoted their whole lives to this moment. Show me THAT guy, I'll cheer for him.

Our Pros are already having a good life and dont need more success or accolades. Screw Kobe Bryant, Screw the whole US Basketball Team, give the anonymous kids their shot.

I cant help but think that swimming should have more violence in it however. You should be able to reach over the lane rope and punch that Japanese guy in the eye to try to fill his goggles with water. There's currently no Defense in swimming and that is bad.

I'm also interested in bringing Competitve Eating into the Oylmpics. Of course for completely self serving reasons. It would be 16 days of free food for me and a chance to puke on International TV. Think of the medal ceremony with 3 guys barely able to stand on the podium, sweating in discomfort. THATS a great sport. 2012? I'm already training.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Over My Shoulder (eight words)

Over My Shoulder
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
times like these
make the hard stuff

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

On China

damaged rings
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
I'm fascinated with the air and water pollution issues at the Olympics in China as they relate to the people living there. My guess is that people just sort of got used to the pollution as it slowly got worse. It's a trade off for living in a place that you can actually get a job. Many may not know any different.

My curiosity is to be what will happen socially, once the Olympics are over and China turns back on all of the Coal fired Factories and plants and allows all of the cars on the road. It will go from somewhat clear ti horrible again.

Is there going to be pushback from the people who finally saw their kids breathing cleaner air? Will these people help inspire some environmental regulation? Will the Government listen?


its in the blood
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
Back on the bike today and what a wonderful ride this morning. It's taken me a few weeks to get it fixed, and I regret I didnt have it with me in the mountains on vacation.

I've managed to keep running in small fits so I gained alittle cardio, but running is different than biking. I plan on biking the rest of the month and perhaps that will keep me somewhat sane? comparitively sane?

shut up and ride.

Monday, August 11, 2008

so much for growing up (eight words)

i am still
scared shitless

Steakbellie's Hot New Look

despite all of my energies and intentions
despite plans carried out
despite the few goals that get reached
i'm still the same piece of shit in the mirror i was

change is depressingly slow


Back from vacation and wallowing in a huge backlog of work and confusion. It was nice to get away, but problems at home pretty much ruined any bit of peace I had attained in the mountains. Everything sucks today and I just dont know where to begin....

Thursday, July 31, 2008

If you need me, I will be here.

lake pleasant
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

for a few dollars more (haiku)

passive defiance
inaudible daring words
domestic cowards

Friday, July 25, 2008

a brief moment of silence (eight words)

if i
knew what
i wanted,
i'd ask.

visitor (haiku)

i dont belong here
i am wasting all our time
pretending to care

just ask my wife (eight words)

the design
of my ass


Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
Still havent gotten my bike fixed since I broke down a week ago. Plans for biking every day in July are way killed, but I hope to get the necessary supplies this weekend and ride all next week. The weather is beautiful today and I'm jealously eyeing the bike messengers that wizz by.....

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

nunc pro tunc (eight words)

shove those
license plates
somewhere you
will enjoy

Monday, July 21, 2008

bad day (eight words)

throat tight
head hurts
shoulders slumped
ass kicked

PENNDOT (eight words)

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
They want more
than money.


Tim Janus (eight words)

if i
cant beat
you, my
sons will

Thursday, July 17, 2008

fortune cookie (eight words)

you're going
to wish
you lived
in Pittsburgh.

cant even think of a title (eight words)

just another
man from
no where.

doing nothing.

we're fucked (eight words)

the canaries
are dead.

they say
keep digging.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Day 9 Asshole on Wheels

I'm a complete Asshole and having a really bad day.

I got a flat on the way in just as I was about to enter West Philly. I have Kevlar Belted Tires, so honestly I was very surprised, but I guess so was the Captain of the Titanic.

My backup plan calls for me to remove the Wheel, remove the tube, find the hole/object, patch the hole, install the tube, install the tire, inflate the tire. 20 minutes.

BUT believe it or not I havent been carrying any replacement tubes, patch kits or even a frame pump. yeah, I'm pretty dum.

My 2nd backup plan is to hobble over (I'm in bike shoes) to the nearest El train station (bikes are allowed) and take that to safety.

BUT the El is shutdown this week for improvements. duh.

My 3rd backup plan is to call my wife to come rescue me. By miricle, she's actually off today and was able to come pick me up and drop my sorry ass off at work. I dont think I'm going to bike again until I can be properly prepared.

Other people are having tougher days however. My good friend Lump-Lump's Mom passed away and the viewing is tonight. My own Mom is a proud and private person so I dont discuss her issues here, but prayers are appropriate for what she's going through today.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Day 8

Back on the bike.

SEPTA has shut down the El Train for a week of track upgrades and has replaced the service with HUNDREDS of buses.

The bus and the bike are natural enemies in the wild much like the Cobra and the Wombat or George Bush and the Polar Caps. Having so many buses trying to kill my bike makes the ride somewhat more technical. Seriously, whats the fucking deal with you bus drivers? Stop racing to the stop lights to cut me off on the right, once I'm past you, I'll be gone and you'll never catch up, so just let me pass you!!!

However, the added bus traffic have lowered the overall speed of the traffic which is fine with me.

I'm going to try running at lunch today. Nothing like upping the ante.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Year Three

Another Fourth of July and another year watching the Nathans Hot Dog Eating Finals from the couch. It's a habit that I have been trying to break, but another one has gone by with me staring at ESPN.

The fight between Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut was stunning. The rivalry between them should pay off hugely for them personally in the coming years. They have already been hired to face off against each other in Singapore in a few weeks. Thats exciting!

I had some generous offers from friends to attend the Coney Island event and after-parties, but I had to decline them. Mostly I just think it would be too painful to be there and not be participating. I'd be too jealous and moody, even around these sweet people. My feeling is that it's only for Champions to enjoy, and if I was a Champion I'd have a trophy on my mantel. I dont.

I figure if I'm going to blow a whole weekend it has to be really worth-while to miss all that time with my wife and kids. It wouldnt have been worth it because I'd just be jealous. I made the right choice and had a restful few days with my family.

It's easy to say 'next year' for making it to Coney but honestly thats pretty far away and I can only count on the Competition to get more difficult. In fact the new Rankings are likely to come out in the next few weeks and despite my slow and steady improvement year after year, so many new stomachs have blasted onto the scene it will be hard for me to maintain my ranking of 18. I'll keep trying, and can only hope to outlast them burning out.

The next big contest for me is probably the Krystal Burger Championship. It's the most wonderfully run contest and my favorite. I've eaten 31 Krystal Burgers in 8 minutes and this year I'm going to try to eat 40. All of the Qualifiers are held down South, so hopefully I'll be able to get enough money and time to attend one, once they are announced. I'd really like to attend the Atlanta one so I have a chance to meet up with my old friend, DW.

The last time he saw me I wasnt a Competitve Eater, so this must be kinda weird for him. I know it's been weird for me.

Using My Powers for Good

and it felt great!

Day 7

Day 7 was actually Friday. It went well.

I didnt ride today because I wimped out when I saw it was raining. Probably a good idea considering that I was pretty hung over as well.


Sunday, July 13, 2008

How Bad Do You Want It?

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Thursday, July 10, 2008


Day 6

The last 3 miles of my ride home yesterday were in the most intense downpour. I couldnt see more than a few feet and it was the kind of rain that cause rivers to flow on the streets. If I had come accross a pool I could have jumped in and dried off. There was really nothing I could do but laugh out loud at my situation.

so I did.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Choose the Middle One, Mom (eight words)

nothing so hard
as to pick
your poison

Day 5

As of right now I am 50 miles into my commute this week. A long 50 mile would be awesome, but these have been interval sprints and climbs. Stopping. Starting. Crushing the pedals for a momentary gap between vehicles. Pretty much an awesome work-out.

I'm not particularly sore in any muscles but my energy system is still inefficient and I havent been able to recover 100% between rides. I noticed this morning that I had to use my bottom gears on hills I flew over just 2 days ago. I'm also sweating alot on the ride in, where it was easier before.

By Friday I should be a beautiful hot mess. Still, this is by far the best part of my day....bus exhaust and all.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

thanks god (eight words)

not crazy like you
just crazy like me

Long Road to Home (Bucket List)

I've tried to write this article 4 times, and cant seem to put it together. I'm going to try to just stick to the facts.

To Go to the Nathans Finals (4th of July in Coney Island on ESPN) you must WIN a Qualifier.

An Eater may sign up for up to 3 Qualifiers.

I have been trying to Qualify for three years.

I have also been trying to Eat 20 Hot Dogs and buns for 3 years.

I did not Qualify or eat 20 in the first 2 Qualifiers this year. I was getting desperate and decided that I had put too much pressure on myself.

So the night before my final chance, I allowed myself to eat dinner and drink a shitfull of beer. I didnt do any of the little tricks I've developed before and during a contest. I just lived my life and showed up on time.

Hungover, on a series of tables setup on the back of a flatbed truck, I competed in over 100 degree heat (at least on the back of the truck it was).

Rich Shea
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
Richard Shea was the Announcer for the contest. He's pretty much awesome. He honored me with some Social Distortion to my entrance. At the Pittsburgh Qualifier he played 'The Mountain Song' from Jane's Addiction. (What he couldnt know is that I sang that song outloud in TERROR while making a decent of the Rocky Mountains in Jackson Hole Wyoming on a bicycle. I was going 47.5 MPH and scared shitless. I always smile now when I hear it)

Camden was recently awarded the title of most dangerous city in the United States.

I did not qualify for the finals but I ate 20.75 Hotdogs and buns in 10 minutes and came in 3rd. At the end of the contest when everyone else was leaning over in discomfort, I was the only person with my hands in the air. I felt great. I felt like I won. I still feel like I won. Maybe I did Win????

This took a long freaking time and alot of writing and alot of beating myself up and I'm proud my family and freinds were there to see it. I look forward to NOT having to eat 50 Hotdogs a week. Believe me.

Day 4

Things went well this morning. My wife surprised me with a new pair of cycling shorts and gel gloves. I broke 30 Mph on the single long stretch without lights.

Somewhere halfway through my mind stops talking and I am just peddaling and reacting....that silence is such a goddamned relief....

Monday, July 07, 2008

Day 3

Rode in again this morning, in a light rain. Whenever I see obstacles that would keep me from riding like rain or lack of properly padded bike short, I echo 'no matter what' in my head and proceed with a sigh. There was no coffee this morning either. 'no matter what'

Having 4 days off of work made this ride easy. I played in the sun with my kids and had a refreshing break. I ran a few times. I ate and drank alot.

I also had a chance to get my bike fixed. There were some issues with the bearings in the cranks as they have worn out from time and mileage. The mechanic marvelled at my chain and said he hadnt seen one so worn.

New Bearings, New Chain, New Cassette (my 3rd?), New Spedometer (havent riden with one for a few years) and the bike feels wonderful. No more noise front the bottom bracket and it feels far more stiff on the climbs.

This week with be the test of my motor however. 5 days of commuting by bike equal 100 Miles. If I dont find my shorts soon my ass is gonna hurt quite abit.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Warrior None (haiku)

clutching these beer cans
addicted to my bullshit
barking at the moon

I ordered flowers so that Jesse Helms transition to Hell wouldn't be so horrific. See, I'm not a bad guy.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Day 2

Made it in again on a somewhat peacefull ride this morning. I'm off til Monday so will spend that time trying to find my biking shorts (with the necesssary padding!) and my biking gloves (hands will be getting calloused). I can see where this will be tough to do a full week, but it may be the only way to get control of my body again. Nice to be eating like a human again. Lots of Vegetables, no Nitrates!!!!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Day 1

I'm pledging to ride my bike to work every day for the month of July. I almost bagged it this morning on the very first day when I couldnt find my bike shorts. My own fault for not getting my shit together last night. I'm not going to buy a Train ticket this month, so I dont have alot of choice if it's raining or hot.

It's about 10 miles each way, and there's a shower in the gym in my building.

Get on the bike and ride, fatso.

Monday, June 30, 2008

I'm going to be an Astronaut (Bucket List)

I just applied for a job on the International Space Station. Today was the deadline.

When I was a kid I wanted to be a garbage man. The second thing I wanted to be was an Astronaut. That desire has never left me, but somehow I got sidetracked over the last 37 years and wound up with an Art degree and a job in Software Development. How does that happen?

So anyway I stumbled on an article that NASA was going to being hiring a new class of astronauts. They only recruit every 4-10 years so I felt some serious urgency to do something about it. Sure I'm not REALLY qualified as a pilot or anything, but I have a strong mind for science and am probably the most stubborn son of a bitch you ever met. (according to my wife) I didnt lie or embellish my resume but spent some time writing around some of my defienciencies concerning Relavant Degrees and you know, Experience.

It's funny because the job is actually posted along with all the other Government jobs like tax clerks and Janitors and whatnot. All I had to do was be willing to apply.

You can think that I wont get the call and you might be right. But people told me I couldnt ride a bike accross the US, that I was too fat to run a Marathon, and too Skinny to be a Competitive Eater. I took the process seriously, and I hope to be considered seriously. If I'm told 'No' it wont be by anyone other than NASA. It's a job that I KNOW I could do, and I'd be crazy not to apply. Crazy.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Friday, June 27, 2008


Steakbellie at QVC
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I'm trying way too hard and yesterdays Qualifier at QVC was another adequite performance. Tomorrow I'm not using any gimmicks. Just gonna show and eat. What else can I do? It's my last chance....