Wednesday, May 31, 2006


There's nothing like a surprise second chance
It feels alot like forgiveness

Sitting in my Sandbox

what happens when a force that is too weak to knock anything over crashes into an object that is too feeble to stand?

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Call Me Rapunzel (haiku)

i need a haircut
it should be a miracle
do i ask too much?

Memorial Day (haiku)

Sunscreen and Chlorine
HotDogs (yuck!) and Hamburgers
Blonde Hair and Red Skin

Saturday, May 27, 2006

16.25 in 12 Minutes

Steakbellie and Humble Bob
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
Physically I feel spent, but surprisingly I'm ok with how I did. Maybe later I will be upset I didnt break 20, but right now I'm certain that I couldnt have eaten another bite on this day.

I placed 5th against a pretty tough field.

(some of these totals may not be exact my brains alittle fuzzy right now)
First place went to the number one eater in America: Sonia Thomas who ate 38. My Cha@rlie pointed out that I weigh more than double of her and she ate more than double of me.

Second place went to Humble Bob: This is the biggest story of the event. Bob has eaten in 10 Qualifiers and never gotten more than 18.5 This winter he lost 50 lbs and today ate an astounding 28 Hotdogs and buns. I'm deepply impressed. Bob's the best eater in PA/Jersey, and had a great entrance coming in with a brown Jedi cloak and Eagle Green Hair!

Third went to Brian Subich who ate a massive 26 another great guy. I wish some douche-bags would compeat so I could talk shit about them.

Pat Philbin took fourth with 24 Hotdogs. and of this after competing in Icecream only yesterday.

Behind me were two fifteens and then I believe some 10's or less.

I'll try to right some more tomorrow when I dont feel like such shit.

Thanks to everyone who followed me on this, and all of the wellwishers here on the blog. I had close to 30 people come down, and that felt pretty good when they chanted my name.

I'm done with hotdogs for the year and can concentrate on eating least for alittle while.....

Friday, May 26, 2006

Advice from my old man...

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
From and actual conversation with my Dad last night...He's a bigtime Consultant and we were talking about a showdown he's anticipating at a meeting of CEO's of MEGACORPS that he's running in acouple of days.

Dad: "Son, it's taken me years to figure this out....You cant wrestle an Asshole without getting some Shit on you"
SB: (Grinning) "Heeeheee"
Dad: "Assholes cant help but reveal themselves, you may be in a big meeting and they will drop their pants and reveal their sphincter they just cant help it."
SB: "Heeeheee Sphincter...."
Dad: "I spent years pointing out the Assholes, but now I have a whole new strategy."
SB: "Whats that?"
Dad: "I find a secondAsshole and let THEM do the wrestling. Keeps me from getting shitty"
SB: "We're talking metaphorically right?"

Thursday, May 25, 2006


Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
Batman has the BatMobile...shouldnt I have this???? Honey, it could be a project car...PLEASE I want it!!!

Seriously, imagine the chix I could pick up in THIS thing. Way better than the mile high club.....


March 27th all over again

if i can
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
it's not reckless
or glutonous

it's calculated enthusiasm

it's hardened discipline

practiced, recorded and analyzed

i see it over and over
even in my sleep
it's that bad

it almost seems like doing it in person
is a formality
just showing up

i'm ready
i've gotten a new kilt
and a new belt
and i intend to put on a good show

like the Beastie Boys say:
"What do the kids want?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

If you are interested in seeing a man bring himself to the brink of ruin

Nathan's Famous International Hot Dog Eating Contest Qualifier on Saturday, May 27 in Philadelphia, PA.

Contest begins at 12:00pm

Independence Visitor Center
1N Independence Mall West (6th Street and Market Street)
Philadelphia, PA

The winner of this contest goes to the finals on July 4th at Coney Island. THAT show will be broadcast on ESPN.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

John Henry's Hammer (haiku)

thirty pound steel head
worn wooden grimey handle
arcing down to sparks

Used Car Lot (haiku)

asphalt, gravel, dirt
triangles of safety glass
cracked rubber and rust

Monday, May 22, 2006

closer (haiku)

Despite your wishes
We all fall at the same speed
Im just less graceful

deadpan (haiku)

i am so funny
to everybody but me
driving my clown car

begin the fade (haiku)

another sundown
another weekend is through
but how many more?

Friday, May 19, 2006

Showing Up

joey chestnut
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
The hardest part about riding a bicycle accross the country is getting on the plane. Once you're on that plane to Seatle, the handwringing and talking and (god) thinking has ended, and you can finally start doing and stop worring about doing. Once you show up at that ticket counter, you have overcome the lies and sabotauge that you do to yourself. You've overcome other peoples expectations for you to fail to show up.

Sure you still have to ride that bicycle back over mountains and desert and get hailed on and run off the road by a logging truck....and you'll probably cry a few times, but the hard part is showing up and getting on that plane. The rest will take care of itself like a rock rolling downhill...a bumpy hill

I'm at that point now with the hotdog contest. I'm done training. I'll probably have two hotdogs tomorrow in like ten minuutes, but they will have brown mustard on them and I'll be smiling and talking with my mouth full.

There's nothing left to do but show up.
This week I'm free to relax as if the contest is over. I can ride my bicycle in the rain or drink milk right out of the carton (assuming nobody here snitches to my wife)

I heard some AWESOME news this morning and I couldnt be more jazzed.

The guy who won this years Wingbowl, Joey Chestnut (who is one of 3 Americans ever to eat 30 HotDogs) ate FIFTY hotdogs and buns in 12 minutes at the Las Vegas Qualifier yesterday. He added 20 Hotdogs to his count over last year!

I've been in awe all day. If he can add twenty, then I can eat twenty. I have the capacity, I just need the voracity to do it in 12 minutes. I'm trained, I just need to show up!

The BIGGER thing is that this sets up a showdown at the Finals in Coney Island on July 4th. Joey Chestnut is going to try to beat Kobyashi who has never been outeaten!!!!!!(he's the little Japanese that always blows everyone away)

The event is going to be covered Live on ESPN!

Sunday, May 14, 2006


I'm gonna take a week or so off of Blogs and all this other selfserving crap that I do to take care of everything that I've been neglecting. Take care, talk to ya'll soon enough......

Saturday, May 13, 2006

16 in 12:00


Friday, May 12, 2006

Two more trial runs til Memorial Day

16 dogs to go
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
Tomorrow I'm doing the full 12 minute run again. I need to eat 18 or better to be happy. The week after I need 19. Game Day 20.

I'm soooo looking forward for this to be over. It made me realize just how easy chicken wings are on your body.

My buddy only trains every other week because the hotdogs make him so sick.

I think what is most surprising to me, is how mental this game is. Such extraordinary amounts of concentration to keep chewing and swallowing even after the salt and fat have satiated your tongue. Chew, Chew, Swallow. I actually count my chews to give my brain something to center on once I start sweating.

They call it the 'Meat Sweats' and you can actually feel yourself suddenly get hot. It's at this point when you first think of puking. Last week it started at 12, and every dog after that feels like a side of beef. Flavors are multiplied exponentially in your mouth as your body tries to convince you to stop. As much as you chew, you no longer swallow and now have to consiously force it down.

Then you take another bite and stare at the remaining pile of dogs in disbelief.
'fuck...i gotta eat that? maybe i should stop. maybe i should go to the bathroom and puke. maybe i should skip this week and do it next week'

In the end I know that the battle is fought here at the training sessions. Hurting myself here just makes me stronger for gameday...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

bush is listening....

bush is listening....
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
This guy is fucking amazing. Can you imagine if Clinton had kept a log of every phonecall in the US? Can you just HEAR the 'Conservatives' freak out? Why are they ok with this?

Like we're supposed to believe that they wont use this info for anything else. How much do you wanna bet they have all of our emails too.

Just when I think I couldnt hate this jerk anymore, he proves me wrong yet again.

I throw this back at you Bushies: Love it or leave it. If you dont like living in a country that is free, go find a different one...and take Monkeyboy with you.

Wind Out (haiku)

out of the saddle
dancing and rocking the frame
hold that fucking gear


The brilliant thing about farting on the elevator, is that you just dont know who is getting on at the next floor.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Olfactory Factory (haiku)

This room smells like feet
How can I possibly work
Aweful Cheeto stink

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Sweetbriar Drive

My Mom wrote the words 'Evel Kenivel" on a paper plate with a smelly green marker and taped it to the garage door window. With such advertising I was certain people would show up any minute with tv cameras.

The sky was blue
The summer lasted forever
The moon only came out at night

My next door neighbor and his sister are watching alongside my driveway as I lean a 2x4 board against a chair. I sit on my red tricycle paitiently waiting and wishing I had a crash helmet like he wears on TV.

I have a towel pinned to my shirt like a cape. This is going to be big.

Monday, May 08, 2006

mantrip (haiku)

just because we're lost
doesnt mean we need to stop
lets enjoy the ride

The Future of Television Programming

i think we're running out of:
medical mysteries

i am contained (haiku)

i build the walls high
i bring them crashing to earth
i build the walls high

Saturday, May 06, 2006

17 in 12:00

that sucked in three different ways......

Friday, May 05, 2006

Angry Conservatives

You got what you asked for
Now shut up and let us fix it

Newtons First Law (haiku)

object in motion
tending to keep doing so
just try and stop me

Thursday, May 04, 2006

a momentary observer

I am a full city block ahead of the SEPTA bus that is trying to kill me. Four times over ten blocks the driver has accelarated past me to cut me off at his busstop. I have caught several good breaks at redlights, and I'm confident the bus wont be able to catch/kill me today.

All of my joints and muscles are warm and my thoughts have simplified from chatter to Satori. I pedal my bike and react to the environment i'm presented. I'm anticipating without thought, it's a quiet wonderful feeling to have that silence within.

The sunshine is very yellow, and makes the burned out row homes of west Philadelphia seem almost warm. Spring is upon us and green is everywhere from the cracks in the Concrete to the abandoned lots. Hours from now these roads will radiate heat and the ground air will be dry, but for now it is wonderfully cool. I bring my own heat.

An enourmous black woman is standing on the next corner screaming into a cellphone. She is surrounded by four young children who are dressed for school with backpacks. I slow my speed slightly and check for traffic in the crossing. A little boy who must only be six is the only one who even notices me and he smiles. I smile back and give him the nod.

I sprint away.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

On the Road Again

Plan B
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
I've been biking to work again and what a difference it makes in my mood. The exhertion feels so good...

The Squats and Deadlifts I've been doing all winter have paid off. I've always had endurance, but now I can actually sprint from stop sign to stop sign. I'm crushing the pedals so hard my feet are numb when I get to work.

One day I may pass work and just go right on down to the beach. That would be a good day.

The other thing is that is that it makes me hungry...starving....look out this saturday!!!!

ode to you

when I smell how ungodly your breath is,
I think of the terrible things I do to my body
and I wonder in amazement, what the hell it is you did to yours

it's so bad
I completely forget what you are talking about
and each new sentence you spout
leans me further back

dont you notice the involuntary look of horror on my face?


I'm very forgiving for smells and gross stuff
but this is just too much

now go home
and hide that mouth somewhere

"The Violence Inherent in the System"

An orange paintball streaks out of the grey rain and strikes me hard in the shoulder. The impact is not unlike being hit in the ass with a leather belt, and I raise my arms so the shooter can see that I am hit.
It is a letdown.

I am soaking wet and cant see very well out of my muddy goggles. My breath is a white cloud in front of my face and my leather boots squish a sigh.

I rub my shoulder.

The next thing I say would be wrong in every other context, and I say it the like I was telling him to clean his room.

"Go shoot your brother" I command my oldest son, and he runs off into the woods in a crouched position, gun in front. I dont have to see his face to know that he is smiling.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006


The Internet
is just way too small

Some Reality

15 of 16
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
As you all are probably sick of hearing about, I'm training for the Nathans Philly Qualifier on Memorial Day. There are like 20 Qualifiers around the country, and the winner of each is sent to Coney Island on the 4th of July to compete against each other and International opponents.

My goal is to do "The Duece". 20 Nathans's Hotdogs and Buns (HDB's) in 12 minutes. I believe only 32 people have ever done this in the last 90 years. Of the top 50 ranked current eaters, most have never done it and top out in the high teens. It's the equivelent of running a 4 minute mile.

So most of the Regional Qualifiers can be Won if you can eat 20.

There are 5 people on the planet who have eaten more than 30. Two of them are in Japan, and I read this morning that another two plan on coming to the Philly Qualifier.

They cant stop me from eating 20, but I realized that the truth is that I want to win. I want to represent Philadelphia on July 4th in Coney Island, I want to be at that Final Table eating with the best in the world in my Kilt.

All of the Qualifiers are full and I only signed up for this I really dont have any choice but to train like mad and control what is in my small realm of control.

I was ready to fight for this, but now it feels like there's a bully waiting for me after school...A 99lbs smiling Korean Woman Bully. She wants to eat my lunch.

The only way out is through.

Monday, May 01, 2006

My Favorite Farside

Is a view of a house that has a fat geeky kid peeking out from behind a tree. There's a sign on the lawn.

"Beware of Doug"

It's twenty years later and I still laugh when I think of that....


Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
I didnt eat this weekend...just kinda didnt work out with baseball and everything else going on.

Also, I think I've had enough of the buildup. 12 Minutes all out this Sat. Its the only way to see where I am as far as reaching my goal.

It's alittle scary truth be told...alittle scary....