Thursday, June 28, 2007

Shit Flows Down Hill

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

We are soaked in sweat, enough to wring out. It's my sons first show, and I'm proud to be here with him. I didnt know we were allowed to like the same music, seems wrong in some way.

Some roundish twenty-something guy in black keeps pushing him...Just because he can
I squint my eyes and flash my gritted teeth, watching. He pushes him again, and I cross the pit in two strides and drive my shoulder into his chest with all my weight.

He doesnt even bother to hit back just sort of shrinks backwards into the crowd.

There's always somebody looking out for you....

Thought for the day

Sometimes when God closes a door,
He makes sure the windows are locked too

QVC (haiku)

work is in the way
dont these people understand?
wait till next year? ugh

Friday, June 22, 2007

17.5 Hotdogs

perhaps I need more excercise

Si Jus Puis

I'm OFF!!!!!!!


did you ever see a big cat in a cage? Passing time, slinking back and forth against the bars....annoyed.

My first meeting was done early.

We are doing photos of the Senior Staff today, so I am in my suit.

pacing the hallway and waiting

waiting for the freaking Photographer to show up..he's already an hour late and still has to do setup. Doesnt he know I have a lunch date in New Jersey?


Thursday, June 21, 2007

It's only the Duece

Molly Pitcher
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Many of you are familiar with my quest to break the twenty hot dog barrier in the Nathans Competition last year. Twenty Hotdogs and Buns in 12 Minutes is the arbitrary line that divides the best Eaters from the rest of us. It is the Four Minute Mile. It is your first Academy Award. There are other milestones, but this one is the most talked about.

I consider Hotdogs the most difficult food to speedeat. They scare the shit out of me, but this is an opportunity that I've waited a year to prove myself against. I have found the greatest obstacles involved to be mental. It hurts to eat that much that fast, and you must be willing to push past all of the satiation points. Too much Salt, Too much fat, Too much Food. Your brain will let you know that it's time to stop early in the contest. Watch the Eaters between minute 5 and 6, they are suffering with the meatsweats and it's pretty ugly.

Tomorrow there is a 50/50 shot that I will be competing in the Molly Pitcher Qualifier for Nathans Hotdogs. The contest is at noon in Cranbury, New Jersey and the winner gets a seat at the finals at Coney Island on July 4th. It will be on ESPN again this year.

The problem is that I have a HUGE meeting at work that people are flying in for in Philadelphia. It's super unfortunate that these are overlapping, but I am going to bend reality to try to make this happen. I may be the first Eater to compete in a suit. Can they let me eat by Conference Call? If it all goes to shit, I have one more opportunity to pull it off before the 4th.

I havent talked about my training this year, but it is progressing along. I've had ALOT of advice from the top 10, and most of it is effective knowledge that I am only just begining to understand. Everyone has been supportive and kind.

Being fat makes eating harder, so I've lost 10lbs in the last 3 weeks. I lost the weight through Diet & Excercise, and when I say Diet & Excercise I really mean SlimFast & Masturbation.

My pain tolerance and concentration has improved as well. Last night I ate 19 Hotdogs and Buns in 12 minutes and then ran 3 miles. I didnt shit myself so I must be ready. It's only one more hotdog and it wont require any running afterwards....just a fast drive back to more meetings in Philly.

The great Competitive Eater Crazy Legs Conti has posted an interesting Blog Entry on the Major League Eating Website. I will reprint it without permission here, because I'm in that kind of mood. The title of the post is NOON. Noon is when the Finals start every year on July 4th. Crazy Legs won a seat at the finals soon after writing this.

There is a handwritten sign above my desk at work. Granted, its not much of the desk, just a large folding table in a giant liquor room in the basement of a swanky strip club. The sign itself, isn't much; all it says in red sharpie is "NOON". Just like that, in caps on a random piece of loose leaf paper. It's taped to the back-side of the beer cooler, not even the meat aging vault, where the best cuts from the best cows, mature and marble according to the physics of dry humidity. One cooler over from the meat vault is where they keep the seven pound lobsters, but the sign, the sign that says, "NOON" is simply affixed to the back-side of the no frills beer cooler. I see it every moment of every day that I sit in this chair in front of the computer (the only computer with Internet that I access; I prefer my typewriter at home).

The sign was originally a reminder to sign up for the Strawberry Shortcake World Championships. The sign-up procedure, the emails and confirmations have all passed, yet the sign is still there. Slowly, like the way Colonel Hall Hunt use to eat before he became the Baddest Ass eater on the circuit, something about the sign dawned on me. The noon in question wasn't the noon of the strawberry shortcake sign-up after all. The noon on the sign, was the noon. The exact moment in time that every Major League Eater strives to arrive at. I think you know the one. It is a noon like no other, and until you have arrived at the noon, its very hard to describe to others.

Perhaps reading the last line of "Vision Quest" (the book, not the movie) can give you and idea. I think I might go back and read it tonight. Motivation comes from many sources, but it all originates in the mind. See, ones stomach can get full, but ones mind cannot. So this week, with the passing of many noons (but not the noon) my body will take in soft malleable foods, but my mind will digest the denser, chewier, tougher thoughts. A singular focus will result. A focus that is like strapping on a helmet and hurling oneself into an Impressionist painting, but instead of a horse rearing back or a woman's elbow resting on a table, this painting simply has a man staring at a sign that says noon.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

dippin' dots (eight words)

Is it still
Ice Cream of
the Future?

Toys for Troops
Gnight Girl, a friend of this blog, has started an important website to help make a difference for her son and all of the soldiers stationed in Iraq.

Very few people support what is going on there, but despite your feelings we must remember that while we have the luxury of watching Seinfeld reruns or surfing the web for pictures of Britney Spears, these boys are stuck in a very scarey reality that they cant get away from.

It's amazing that people would be willing to put their lives/health/youth/sanity on the line merely because we asked them to. We need to find a way to keep them safe and a way to get them home, now that we know that the whole thing was based on Intentional Lies.

This website helps gather things like Beenie Babies and Soccer Balls. How does that help? Our soldiers can give them to the children of Iraq and try to win over their hearts and minds. To try not to be viewed as the badguys. Perhaps keeping a desperate youth from lashing out against our Soldiers with guns or bombs in the future.

Our Government has proved that Soldier Safety is low on the priority list (remember how many YEARS it took to get personal body armor and Armored Humvees, yet priorities like HALIBURTON was paid ontime)

Checkout the website. It's a brilliant idea.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Fathers Day (American Sonnet)

My Dad had a physical, if not violent childhood
He never once hit me but I still learned Right from Wrong

I remember being disappointed to find out he wasnt in Vietnam
I'm laughing at how stupid and naive I was

My Dad didnt go to Woodstock or Love-Ins in his twenties
He was busy working to put himself through College

There were no drunken Sunday afternoons for him later
We went to Church and then mowed the lawn together

My Dad was a Chemist
He taught me how to change the oil and how to make a pipe-bomb

He says he regrets working so much when we were young
but I understand the drive to provide, now that I am a father too

My Dad always found something nice to say to me and told me he loved me
It made a difference, Thanks Dad

Drawing the Ace (haiku)

keep that poker face
good enough to win the pot?
maybe if they fold

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Some Asshole Stole My Sons Bike

I'm furious
We're both heartbroken
He the Mechanical one. He fixes everybodys bikes and skateboards for all the kids on the block. He often takes 2 old bikes and combines the parts to make a new Frankenstein one that I immediatley throw away on trash day.

We bought him (and I think he contibuted too) an expensive bike. It's a blue Diamondback. I have an appreciation for bicycles, and this wasnt something you could pick up at a toy store.

He took great care of it, kept it clean and locked up. Kept it out of the rain. Didnt let his brothers borrow it.

Ch@rlie was celebrating the end of school at the schoolyard last night with a game of tag. Didnt lock it up, because he was just running around the field with his friends, and some fucker stole it. He was so careful all the time, and I'm angry that he HAS to be that careful. He's broken up and I regret that he has to learn this lesson, he was the only one of my kids that even bothered with bike locks and helmets.

It was taken from a really nice neighborhood, most likely by some of the spoiled rich kids who feel they are entitled to the world that live there. They will abuse the shit out of his most prized possesion and dump it in a creek behind their house.

So fucking mad......

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

when you're ready (eight words)

you will do it
instead of
wishful talk

double baggers (eight words)

this is a beauty shop;
in name only

Friday, June 08, 2007

the best Friday ever

I hope you can share the sick joy I get from reading the following AP headine:

Screaming Paris Hilton sent back to jail

I love it for so many reasons. I can actually see the entire thing play out, without hearing another detail of the event.

Desperate lawyers in the finest of suits, stuttering for any reason to save their client. A dull witted heiress cruely given a brief glimmer of hope, and then thrust back into the gates of hell. Billion Dollar parents baffled that money couldnt fix this.

I will enjoy this for a long time...

how to get hooked

The Kid Can Run
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
The worst thing that can happen to rational person on their first trip to Atlantic City, is that they win. Even if it's $5, they are ruined for life and spend hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to recreate the adrenaline of that moment. You will never match the excitment of your first kiss.

Last week my 13 year old ran in a 5K run that went through my neighborhood. He's in excellent shape and runs and does pushups and situps on his own. He placed 1st for 14 and unders and won a watch and a gift card for the movies. (22:33) He came home and immediatley signed up for another 5K. I see the excitement in his eyes when he talks about it and I'm sure that the boy is hooked for life. I'm grateful it's not Gambling or Competitive Eating.

Tonight is the race, and he's upset that he couldnt train all week, because well, he's the one who smashed his head a few days ago. The Doc gave the all clear and I doubt I could keep him back anyway.

If he wins will the victory be as sweet?

I'm running too but will probably finish long after him. Probably a week later. I can run far, but am famously slow and particular 5K is unique in that only .1 miles is flat the rest is hills....ughhh....also on the news this morning was a heat advisory to stay indoors today and avoid strenuous excercise.

We've proved many ways to be hard-headed this week.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

The last shopper at the yard sale (eight words)

all of this junk
just feels
picked over

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The boys are ok

Things can get scary, fast. I'm grateful to say that it everything is fine and that my son is back at school today. I think his friend goes back tomorrow. He looked pretty horrible and had difficulty walking for an hour or two after diving (cannballing) into the local pool and hitting heads with his friend in the water. Both of them reacted well, and scrambled out of the water before collapsing.

Looking back it's scary shit. They are lucky to just have a few days off in a fuzy headed cloud of forgetfullness. Forgotten words and absentmindedness. The Doc said to expect that. Maybe I've been concussed too?

Thanks for your kind words......

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Sunday Math

2 boys roughhousing along side the pool
Equals 4 Hours in the ER
0 complete memories of what happened
2 Catscans
2 Concusions
0 Bleeding Brains
and 4 Grateful Parents!

Friday, June 01, 2007