Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Kiss Me, I Taste Like Chicken

The training is finished. I've eaten my last meal until the contest.

All of the pieces are falling into place. The float still needs some attention, but is 90% there. I cant describe it for you yet, because I want it to be a surprise on Friday. It is brilliant in it's simplicity and execution, and was proposed by my 10 year old son. All of that sounds great, until you know what it is......

Physically I feel ok. Many people in the area have contracted stomach flu this week and I'm doing all I can not to get sick. I have come to far for that to happen.

Interesting Fact 1: At 230lbs, I am the lightest of the 20 Philadelphia Eaters

Interesting Fact 2: At 230lbs, I am heavier than any of the 5 'Pro' Eaters

Interesting Fact 3: At 230lbs, I am heaviest I have ever been, yet my pants still fit! Last time I hit 230lbs I wasnt that lucky. Must have put on some muscle somewhere along the line and not just fat. Looking forward to being skinny again though.

Mentally I'm ready for this to happen, it's been such a long road, I am ready to arrive and perform. I'm really tired of practicing, and my stomach is sore. Certainly I love to eat, but for a short time I look forward to smaller more managable portions.

Thursday night, at 4pm I will go to Chickie & Petes (Philly Sports Bar) for the weigh in. All of the Eaters will be there and we will be filmed and on the radio. All of the strippers will be there as well (clothed). Bar patrons will eat chicken wings and swig beer as I look on longingly. Each Eater will be brought out and weighed on a huge butchers scale in front of the crowd. They always have a newbie go first, and they tell him he must weigh-in in his underwear. Curious if he'll fall for it.

It's a great chance to get to know the other eaters. Most of them are great guys who might be having as much fun as me. All 5 'pro's' will be there as well, and I already know what wonderful people they are. My kids will be at the weigh-in too, and it's a chance for them to get photos with their favorites. In particular my ten year old would like to get Badlands Booker to autograph his cds. Badlands is retired but may show up to the contest I understand.

Afterwards I will put the finishing touches on all arraingements and welcome the many friends who will be crashing at the Steakbellie home. At 2:30am I will awake from my half-slumber and put on my kilt. By 3:00 am 40 people will have gathered in my dining room, and I will give them nasty looks as they laugh and begin drinking alcohol. The yellow school bus we've hired will take us to the Wachovia Center at that point and the smells of breakfast sandwhiches and bloody marys will be everywhere. I will stare out the back window and wonder what the hell I'm doing.

At 3:30am pull into an already full parking lot and make our way through the crowds. My team has been issued all access passes, but experience says that we will still have trouble getting in. Once the float is loaded onto the rear dock, my Team of 10 will join me in the locker rooms as the remaining 30 friends drink and party on the bus til 6am.

Underneath is a brewing storm of nerves and excitment. The eaters are quiet and smile out of the sides of their mouths. The friends of the eaters, yell and skip and try to get their photos taken with 'Wingettes' of various states of dress.

We're underground for about 4hours waiting for the Contest to begin. In the stadium fans are alight from a binge of all night drinking. Many of them dont care what happens. Everyone is screaming and stomping feet, and it rolls like thunder down the concrete into the basement. I will still quietly and pretend to smile at my joyous friends. I am so happy for them, this is such a great opportunity to act like a boy again.

The producers will line us up in order. Each Float is released into the stadium one at a time as the announces describe it all for the listening audience. Hockey glass protects (somewhat) the procession from the violently exhuberant crowd. Busty girls will reveal themselves at minute intertvals for the fans delight.

When our turn comes, my brother will begin playing the bagpipes deep within the hallways. It's nearly painful how loud it is, but so moving to hear. I love that he will play for me and it stirs so many emotions. It's funny to think about, but people in generations past would actually go to war like this. Friends, family and neighbors on all sides. A brother playing the bagpipes. Lots of Plaid.

We march slowly to the mouth of the stadium, in step to the music, pulling our Float behind us.....I'm waiting for my's coming....

Monday, January 29, 2007

96,210 fl oz of goodness.....

The Meaning of Life (eight words)

could tell you,
but I'd need
nine words...

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Concerning the theft of a very large can of beer (eight words)

if you didnt do it,
you should have

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Full Broadcast of Steakbellie's Wingbowl XV Qualifier

Guest Blog/Guest Pic: Artie Lange: Steakbellie's Mission (Haiku)

Chew, chew, chew, chew, chew
Swallow, drink, chew, chew, chew, chew
Chew, chew, chew, chew, win!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007


curious if anyone else noticed this:
Last night while watching the State of the Union, and trying to control my disgust...did anyone else notice that george bush actual said the word "Global Climate Change" (which is something he's been denying is real for years.)

So anyway, the ABC camera is tight on george from the front during this part, and the viewers can see both Nancy Pelosi and dick cheney over his shoulders.

As soon as he said those words both he and dick cheney reach for their water glasses and take a big gulp in perfect unison...that must have been some bitter pill!!!!!

it's a very dark comedy to watch this guy. Even my kids hurls names at him when he is on the TV.

"What it's like to live and die"

To be fair to you guys, I want you to know I may not be posting much in the next 9 days. My mind is completely full and I have a tremendous amount of work that needs to be finished before WingBowl. I’m mentally cutting off anything that isn’t WingBowl or my family, that’s the only way to keep myself on track and do the job that must be done.

Recently I’ve had some fear and anxiety over this whole thing. I’m not worried that I wont perform my best…I’m worried that my best just isn’t good enough. I think that is rooted in a fear of getting older, and being left behind. Like I’m past my prime and will never be able to pull a rabbit out of my hat because the magic is just plain gone. The kind of self doubt that wraps around your chest and makes it hard to breathe. I’ve been beating myself up with this for awhile now. Will it be enough??? And not just WingBowl, I think it’s a fear I’m dealing with about Life in general.

When I was a teenager, I had a Rock and Roll fantasy that I would someday be up on stage playing Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Prove it all night’ in some heavily packed Jersey Club. The would be a deep connection between me and the crowd and they’d respond to the fast and slow parts of the song. I could hear my voice and see the sweat on my body as I played the guitar. As the years have gone on I can still feel the pull of the that dream, like it STILL might happen, that I might still find myself up on that smokey stage someday. The bigger problem is of course that I can’t sing, and I don’t know how to play guitar. I don’t have any interest in learning either, which pretty much kills the dream. I guess that’s why this WingBowl thing appeals to me. It’s the closest thing I’ll ever have to being up on that stage, doing something I’m really good at. It’s a chance to be bigger than life…for thirty minutes anyway it will be my Rock and Roll fantasy fullfilled.

The good news is that something clicked in my head last night. Some emergency survival switch went off and today I don’t feel those emotions. As things get closer, I have somehow hardened myself, and I’m having a difficult time paying attention to anything that does not concern my family or WingBowl. While being a very passionate and emotional person, I’ve pushed a lot of that away for afterwards. I’ll have plenty of time to mourn my youth and fall apart later on, if need be. Currently I’m concerned with the tasks at hand, and how to achieve them. I think about it, talk about it and I dream about it every night….I think there’s more than a few readers that can relate.

Monday, January 22, 2007

That's How We Roll

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
One of the greatest playoff comebacks in recent history happened last night with the Colts defeating the always deadly Patriots. Thank goodness the Bears were able to overcome the NFL's desire for the Saints to win. It has set up an awesome Superbowl show-down of the Best Offense vs the Best Defense. This should test the theroy about Defenses winning Superbowls.

Rock-On Indy!!!!!!

Friday, January 19, 2007

each kiss goodnight is the very last one (haiku)

we will be gone soon
you keep the names and demons
sorry about that

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Whats the first rule of Pillow-Fight Club???

Well, the great run we've had is over.

Can you imagine how great this country would be if we took all those Billions of Dollars that we funneled to Dick Cheneys friends and spent it on our Bridges or roads or education? How about Stem Cell Research or Energy Independance. I TRULY believe that the world would have been better served if we had instead speant a Trillion Dollars on inventing new Pizza Toppings.

Well, now the Sober Truth is that we didnt and the Canadians have surpassed us. How so? They invented a Pillow-Fight League. Seriously. We're Fucked.

I wish I thought of it. I wish I could compete in it. How freaking GREAT would that be? and it wouldnt make you fat!!!!

my own insecurities (eight words)

i hope
the rest
are faking it

the spare (haiku)

its what you asked for
second chances dont come much
throw down the middle

Bush asks for a better idea (eight words)

How about we use....
The Ion Cannon?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Phoning in the Win!

c-t2| |t2n3|b|r2 - 9
x- |n| | | - 0

Did anyone else notice?

was it Stalin who said that a death is a tragedy but a million deaths is a statistic?

So on the same day two things happened:

1. Bush criticized Iraq's Prime Minister on how Saddams execution was handled. He didnt like that they taunted him beforehand.

2. The UN released the statistic that 34,000 Iraqi Civilians died in Bush's Civil War in 2006 alone.

I sure hope they werent taunted first. Those people just dont have any values.

wrestling with sanity

the boys
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
My 3 sons are athletic in that they play lots of sports. Even when they are not great, they participate and we keep them involved. Year round we are carting them to various practices for Baseball, Roller Hockey, Swimming, Football and my favorite...Wrestling.

Wrestling stretches from November to February and offers them a chance to exert themselves through the cold winter. During really cold winters I'm grateful that they can do anything.

For me its also a chance to connect with them. I wrestled through high school and now am a coach with their rec heres the crazy part.

They've been wrestling for 6 years, and have wrestled a hundred matches each. I've seen every match, in fact I know the scores of each match and who they wrestled. Even crazier, I scored the matches in my pda as they happened, so I know exactly how each match went how many takedowns, escapes, nearfalls, reverses even escapes they've had. We've gone to tournaments and I've searched their opponents names:
"You wrestled him last year at x tournament, you were winning 6-2 but he pinned you in the 3rd with 18 seconds left."

My oldest now wrestles for the Middle School, and is having a GREAT year. He's winning, but thats not what I think is great....he's working hard and giving it a complete effort. There's a maturity about taking responsibility for your bouts and being prepared. It's a source of pride for me to see him like that.

It's also the first time I've been unable to go to his matches, and thats so heartbreaking for me. The schools matches are held right after school lets out, while I'm still at work. On match days my wife races from work to get there on time. She calls me on my cellphone during the match and calls out the action as I close my eyes and imagine I'm there. I still get to see him wrestle on Saturdays for the rec team.....yeah, thats where I'd rather be right now....

big surprise (eight words)

i'm bored
with me

let me
be you

and yet i cant tell the differences between my yesterdays and my todays

today someone was born
today someone died
today someone slept in
today i went to work

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Steakbellie and WingKong Wingbowl Movie

Below is video we shot for the WingBowl. I'm very proud of everything except the opening title scene. I had a much better one, but it's didnt render properly. At 4am I decided to scrap it and just go basic on the intro title. So that I could announce the video on the air this morning. It'll haunt me forever I'm sure.

Enjoy the rest though!

Here's a link to the YouTube page if you'd like to get the code to put this video on your own page:

Monday, January 15, 2007

I'll be on 610WIP AM Radio tomorrow morning at around 8am-ish

I expect to be making a special announcement!


My head is nearly full.

Another trainride to work, and I watch the other riders and count sylables to see if I can turn that experience into a Haiku. Usually 2 or 3 per day to come to the surface. Most never stay afloat long enough for me to record them. I wonder where they go?

I used to get painting like that. Whole finished paintings would come to me and ask to be made. I could see their dimensions, color, texture, and imagery. Its a long scary process, making a painting, and not the kind of thing that happens in one sitting. There are materials to buy and gather, drawings to make, colors to mix. Time too, lots of time to do it, let it dry, and do more. It's easy to lose the momentum and drop the whole thing. Life just got too busy and they stopped coming by so often, because word had gotten out what the answer would be. I still see them sometimes though.

The computer helped with alot of these images. It cut down on the need for material preparation, and drying time. (I miss the smell of Paint Thinner though, thats a wonderful smell) I can set so many of these free, but even now as the years go by, it's easy to find other things to fill my time. I'm sorry, I cant make you right now, go see somebody else.

I like the Haikus though. I can work on them anywhere, and if I can remember them for a few hours, they can be written and released. Forgotten. Sort of like a fisherman who catches fish, records their length and throws them back.

Friday, January 12, 2007


dragging today from lack of sleep and too too much to do. Had a 3:30 deadline and no direction and I just pulled a rabbit out of my hat (or ass) in the way that I used to have to do on a daily basis. In the last 15 minutes before it was due I had a brain storm and wowed the client with something thrown of those creative moments when you finally see 'how it should be' and made it so very quickly.

that felt very good.

wonder how many rabbits are left up there?

keep moving forward.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

No, I really am that crazy

Went back and revised the logo, even though its already on disk for the printer....could stand how the bottom type was curved and not skewed....maybe now I will be able to sleep?

I am a forty-seven and a half foot tall giant (haiku)

i see the sun first
mostly naked and bored
know any big chicks?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

You're Doing a Heckava Job Bushie!

I just cant believe this guy.
He's sending over 20,000 more troops to Iraq...pretty much just letting the poor guys who are there, stay there and then having their replacements come early.

So if we add 20,000 to 130,000 we get.....


The bipartisan Iraq Study Group spent months trying to find a way out of this, adding 20,000 troops and then sitting around and waiting for things to improve, was not one of them. Does anyone REALLY believe he takes responsibility for all of this? I mean other than just SAYING it? If he really felt bad he would have come up with something new or different to try ANYTHING. Our people are getting maimed. They are getting killed. They are losing the best part of their lives....and for what? What was worth it out of all of this?

How many times have we heard about 'Values' or 'Integrity' from his supporters during the elections. I still fail to see anything Moral or Good about this man. I dont believe he talks to God. I dont believe he's intellegent. He took our great country and put it out like a cigarette. 'Stay the Course' is for people who have no idea what else to do, and fired all the people who do.

You should read this Blog
While I am just passionate and lashing, he finds words.


It's Jan 10, and there is just more to do than time to do it. I've got a bunch of Freelance work coming in and that is really making some demands on my schedule. Some remaining WingBowl duties...

I finally finished the tshirt designs, but cant send them out til I deal with what sponsors need to be on the back.

I've got someone reserving a bus, but I need to make sure it's filled with people and paid for before the event. Need to make an expected guest list.

Afterparty details.

Design and then help build a float (probably this weekend)of unknown dimensions or theme for that matter.

Check on my enterauge's costumes and make sure they are outfitted the same

Look into getting a second bagpipper...Joe, you know anyone who'll do it for free, just to be in the enterauge? I think it would be super cool to have two of you guys out there.

try to find some spare tickets

finish editing the Steakbellie/WingKong promo movie and post it online...LOTS of work there

write press releases and send them out

and the most important, and least pleasant....train, train, train.....

Tuesday, January 09, 2007


took my first non-beginner Kettlebell class today.

i wrote about them's an aerobic/pilates class done with weights.

who the hell are these people who cripple me????? dont you know that i have a job and a family that I need to go home to? the beginner classes had me limping for 5 days or so, and i dread what todays toxic dose of lactic acid might bring.

i just unfolded myself out of the chair to get some water. perhaps a chair with wheels? i'll call it a wheelchair and i'll zoom about my life during my recovery....


he dumb (eight words)

stay the course.
more of the same.

The future is in doubt (eight words)

A-List Actors
will play
our parts,
but poorly.

Monday, January 08, 2007

oh yeah (eight words)

i had forgotten
that you died

stupid me

Sunday, January 07, 2007

They had Carrots in their Pockets

See you hardons? We really are Cowboys.


Thursday, January 04, 2007

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


I feel really good today.

I finally got a decent sleep and i woke up this morning with lots of focus and energy. I ran to the train in my work clothes, not because i was late, because i couldnt walk. I'm cutting through all of the unfinished business on my desk without issue or paralysis. Even the easy stuff is easy today. Huh....

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

how to write a years worth of crap (eight words)

put one post
in front of
the other.

happy to you

Good Morning.

I wish all of you the strength to deal with the things you must deal with in the coming year. I hope to learn something in the next twelve months, but I am too stupid to know what I dont know.

At the end of 2005 I did a post reviewing my year by listing the first sentence typed of each month. It was interesting, so I will do it again.

January: possibly drunk, probably crazy, definatley hung-over, this is what i ate for breakfast on new years eve.

February:i finished training this past weekend, and so now I'm just trying to heal up for friday.

March:Boss: "Are you ok?"

April:Go sit in your favorite room of the house.

May:I didnt eat this weekend...just kinda didnt work out with baseball and everything else going on.

June:Please stand clear of doors

July:Tomorrows the dance and I have no ticket.

August:PetSmart: buying crickets

September:The hallway is dark.

October:This is a quick note, I know some of you are waiting to hear how things went.

November:For several months I've been working on an important software project.

December:I feel like complete crappy-crap-crap.....