Thursday, August 30, 2007

My Labor Day Weekend

I've been building a Particle Accelerator in my basement over the last year. I told my wife that it was the Hot Water Heater.

Since it went online a month ago I've been spending my weekends down there. I'll invite a few guys from the neighborhood over and we'll get drunk and fire off streams of alpha particles at atoms of Gold or Strontium hoping to split it apart and maybe make some 'Anti-Matter' or something cool. It does make little sparks but I'm not sure what they are.

The neighborhood guys dont know much about Nuclear Physics either but they get a kick out of the noise made from the two ton, rotating electromagnet. I constructed it out of 40,000 refrigerator magnets and an 400 AMP wire straight from the pole. The sound is like a super deep growl of some predator and makes the hair on your arms stand up. Micah says it reminds him of his Mother-in-Law.

Everyone has to remove all of their jewelry and coins before they come down the steps or get sucked into the thing. It's already got a couple of cases of bottle caps stuck to it. I'm worried about someone getting hurt or my accelerator looking kind of 'low-class'. They probably don't have these problems at CERN.

My next-door neighbor is a real douche-bag. He's house is for sale because my kids walk on his lawn. He'd flip if he knew about the accelerator. Somtimes I aim the stream of sub-atomic partics up through the ground into his parked car. It doesnt do anything, but make me feel better.

A couple of nights ago we fired the thing into a slice of old meatloaf that had been sitting in my fridge for awhile. The Meatloaf disappeared immediately but showed up again a few minutes later with a bite taken out of it. That was weird.

Rob took a bite of the Meatloaf and declared it was 'Anti-Meatloaf'. I told him it was still just regular Meatloaf but that my wife had used crushed up 'Honey-Nut Cheerios' instead of Breadcrumbs. I don't think he was convinced.

My Dog, Larry, ate the rest of the Meatloaf so we'll never know. Rob says we should look around the backyard for some 'Anti-Poop'.

More Later

Skot Helt, Email Me

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Message Sent

I have successfully given blood and it was easy. I feel good, and I learned a bunch. My pint of blood weighs a pound. My blood is red. My red blood count is 39. My one pint can be used to help up to three different people. I shouldnt have sex with men born or living in Africa. I shouldnt have sex with Republican Senators either.

I did choose to send a Bio-Chemical Message to the receipient, however. It wasnt the 20 HotDogs.

The Message was this: Ham on Rye.


I'm donating blood in a few hours. I havent done it in a few years, but I saw a Red Cross person in my office building signing people up for appointments, and I think it's a good habit to get into....Especially if I want to consider myself a Humanist.

It's got me thinking about the recipient.

I want to send them a message, but I doubt that the Red Cross would include a haiku on my blood bag. I considered sending a Chemical Message by eating 20 HotDogs about an hour before donating. That would be funny, but in reality a hotdog hangover is probably not a good idea for someone in need of blood. Maybe I'll just think happy thoughts and allow some endorphins to flow out with the red stuff.

So what am I giving them?
Lots of good things, even some of my antibodies from the diseases I've fought over my lifetime. I wonder if their body can utilize them?

I'm probably also giving them some bad things. Lead, Mercury, Iron, maybe some active sickness like a Cold. I stopped taking my Blood Pressure Medicine for acouple of Days so I dont give them uneeded Pharmaceuticals. I can remember my Dad donating Blood when I was a boy, and that he would take a Vitamin beforehand. I thought that was considerate.

I took a vitamin this morning too.

Whoever you are. Enjoy this stuff, I made it myself!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Methinks the lady doth protest to much (eight words)

gay hating
Senator actually
just gay.

any more?

Monday, August 27, 2007

people can fight over anything (eight words)

your shoe
is here,
where you
left it

go (haiku)

how do we get stuck
clutching to dumb dumb details
missing all the fun

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

How can I ever thank you enough (eight words)

this is the world's
carbonated water

Sunday, August 26, 2007

from Kurt

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

context is everything (eight words)

can you hold it
till we get home?

now why would you do that? (eight words)

we save
our cruelest
words for
loved ones

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

shitsstorm in the server room (eight words)

at least
pretend to work urgently

for me

Monday, August 20, 2007

Then There's That OTHER thing (eight words)

Only the
little people
pay taxes
- Leona Helmsley

Sunday, August 19, 2007

The Pretzel Nub that almost saved a Million lives (American Sonnet)

All of the 'Values Voters'
have scratched off the Bush/Cheney 04 stickers
hoping to blend in and that we might forget
all the times they said 'love it or leave it'

They called us unamerican for questioning their president at all

Now they just give a stupid shrug
when we ask about the war they voted for

They smirk because they know that we are stuck sharing the blame
we screamed that we didnt want it
with impotent fury
but because we couldnt stop them
history will not be kind to us

order me up some of your Freedom Fries, Asshole
better SuperSize it

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Friday, August 17, 2007

you better, you better, you bet

When I said 'Thats a great idea'
I meant to say 'I Hate Your Fucking Guts'
but I misspoke
sorry for the confusion

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Glass Castle

My wife and I are extrememly careful never to read the books we recommend for each other. I made an exception with this book because it was short and I figured that people in glass castles might sometimes walk around naked.

Great freaking book. It's about the Author's childhood. It's a HORRIBLE childhood but when seen through the eyes of a little girl who didnt know any different it was sweet in some ways. I wont ruin any of it for you, it's worth reading the back cover if you come accross it.

It's Chick Lit but no shirtless Fabio Sex Scenes. Sorry.

I'm reading 'Water for Elephants' now on her recomendation too and laughing.

Monday, August 13, 2007

dreaming of something new

kicking around a few ideas for what i could do with the rest of my life. I think I'd like something where I make a difference on a Human Level, and not necessarily just a Financial one for some Corporation.

I think I could be a teacher. I like the schedule and am familiar with the role. I know many teachers and feel comfortable with them. I think I could be an effective Junior High Science Teacher.
1. Summers Off,
2. Being a man, I could probably have an edge to getting hired as most teachers are still women.
3. Summers Off
4. Home before 5pm!
5. Could probably get an Emergency Cert if I agreed to teach in one of the Horrible City Schools.
1. Wouldnt make enough money to cover my current expenses.
2. (From Birdy)Thankless work to reach the one or two kids that care and deal with the bullshit of the 15 or 20 that think you're stupid and don't know what you're talking about.

I would probably be a very good nurse. I thrive under pressure, and can be empathetic.
1. Some science involved
2. LOTS of hospitals in Philly in need of Nurses
3. Comfy work clothes
4. Everyone will assume I'm a Doctor
5. BUSY enough to keep the voices out of my head.
6. Decent money these days
7. Get to poke people with stuff
8. (From Birdy) job security
1. A few years of schooling to make the transition.
2. Wacky schedule
3.(From Birdy)sickness and death and depression

I've always thought this would be a great job
1. Get to kick down doors
2. Get to do something very physical and expend energy
3. Hold onto a speeding truck
4. Fire
1. Dont know if they make enough money for my current level of expenses.
2. Dont know about schedule

Thursday, August 09, 2007

feel free to drive home drunk too (haiku)

wear your own perfume
celebrate your clothing line
you deserve our praise

shiva (haiku)

the unfinished work
spiraling into ether
not to be realized

Wednesday, August 08, 2007



a week ago I was riding my bike up a mountain.

I've got a chest cold now and mixed with the unbelievable heat/humidity/pollution I'm having a hard time walking a full block without getting out of breath. This must be what Asthma is like. Wow it sucks.

Kinda interferes with my running plans.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

refusal (eight words)

Originally uploaded by steakbellie.
my body
is trying
to kill me


Monday, August 06, 2007

Be Patient (eight words)

you thought
you hit
the bottom?

so sweet.