Death Comes for Mr Squirrel
I have dished out death to nearly all of God's Creatures, in the years since I've gotten my driving liscence. And by 'All of Gods Creatures, I mean:
Three Seagulls- I was driving in Atlantic City on one of the back streets. 3 Seagulls were eating something in the road, I was going 5 but not more than 10 mph as I hit them. I figured they heard/saw me and would move...I mean we're in the middle of a city during rush hour! These were fairly large birds, and I grimmaced watching a tangle of flapping wings in my rearview mirror get run over by the car bahind me.
Two Guniea Hens- In South Jersey, alot of the farmers keep Guinea Hens. They are smallish Chickens, that use use to eat the ticks out of the fields. I was on rte 55 going alittle of 80mph as I crested a hill. I saw them, but there was absolutely nothing I could do, so I didnt. I hit those birds with a fantastic 'Poof' with a cartoon-like exposion of white feathers. It was like a pillow bomb going off. My wife makes a sickening noise, and I mutter something about 'God's Plan'. She knows I'm being sarcastic. Years later I would be detailing the car for sale and would find feathers stuck in the engine compartment.
One Squirrel- I rounded the curve at about 45mph, and he was already entering my lane. There was heavy traffic all around and I knew this little grey fella was in trouble but I was fully confident he'd make it. I took my foot off the gas to give him an extra second to judge which way to go. He changes his mind twice and then stands still, as the Reaper crushes him with a 4,000lbs mini-van.
4 comments:
Good work.
At least I didn't kill the deer I wrote about.
the way I see it, you missed the Deer. I used to try to miss these poor creatures too, but it upsets the order of the universe. The debt still has to be paid.
The small rodents and birds who come my way have been chosen just for that moment. I can avoid hitting them like I can stop the Earth from spinning.
It's my job. Later on this week, I'll back over one of the last two African Swallows on this Earth in the Acme Parking lot. He'll be there with his coconuts resting after a long flight. I know he'll be there, it makes me sick, but I cant stop it it. It's God's Plan.
It's also God's plan, that I eat this entire Cheasesteak with fried onions, tomatoes, and hot peppers.
Amen
God is Great.
As far as cheesesteaks go anyway.
Speaking of weird things to kill with a car, I've been in a car that hit a little Pink Armadillo at about 80mph. I was on the passenger side and it hit just under my feet so hard that I felt it. Maybe it knew I should have been driving?
Birdy was in the back seat...I think he was sleeping when it happened.
I'm pretty sure I ran over some bunnies in High School.
Fortunatly it's not my job to cull Dogs or Cats. I'd cry my eyes out if I hit a dog...I know how bad that feels to have your Dog killed
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