...two bits
The first time I ever shaved was in 6th grade. I had just watched the Musical 'Sweeney Todd' and decided it was time to shave off the peach fuzz that I considered to be a moustache. I was incredible scared that somehow that my Dad's soap encrusted twin blade schick would accidentially kill me. That fear actually came from the play Sweeney Todd itself, which is about a Barber who slits the throats of his customers when they come in for an old fashioned shave. He then grinds up their bodies and makes meat pies.
I know what you're thinking: 'mmmmmm......meat pies!!!!'
Since that day I've been plauged by this Man-Ritual. I produce 13 gallons of Testosterone a Day, which by some joke of God, hasnt made me as strong as a Yeti, but I still get to look like one. If I wanted to hang out with the Queen of England or Angelina Jolie, I'd have to shave 2x a day....still it's better than having a Menstrual Cramps
The other day my middle son calls me at work. A package has arrived from our friends at the Gillette company. I have been given a free razor. My son is more thrilled than I would expect, and I wonder about the Lore of Shaving as it applies to little boys. He wants me to shave with the new razor. It has FIVE blades on it and he is excited I got it for free.
I explain to him that the promotion is a Marketing Scheme. They give me a new Razor Handle for free, and I buy blade replacements for the next 10 years. I tell him I like my old Two Bladed Sensor. I'm confortable with it. It works.
"But THIS one is free, Dad"
I try the five-bladed razor. It works too. I think about the revolution in cutlery we are having. Ten Thousand years to invent Carbon Steel, then In five years we've gone from two-bladed razor to four-bladed ones. Can you see the R&D money that is poured into the shaving community? Long hours spent mixing chemicals and shooting Neutrons into plastic polymers, and some product engineer adds a goddamn blade to the razor. Do you dare even guess what they have planned for next year?!?!?
6 comments:
When I was on a submarine in the Navy, we had to shave everyday (obviously), but every now and then you'd get lazy and "forget" or you'd wake up somewhere (those were the days!)and have to rush to work without shaving.
If the Chief of the Boat noticed your stubble, he'd send you to the Chief's Quarters to shave with the old single blade disposable razor he kept in the head (bathroom). I used it a few times. The second time was two years later and I swear it was the same razor both times. Oh yeah, no shaving cream either. You either had to hope there was a bar of soap in there or just use lots of water.
Mega Munch is a wuss. 8) I was fortunate in that my beard doesn't grow all that fast, so I never shaved the morning after duty days, and never had any problems with that COB or any other. (Well, never had problems about not shaving, anyway....)
The best thing, of course, was going on deployment and getting a no-shave chit (make a five-dollar donation to the boat's rec committee, and not have to shave whilst under way for three months).
you were in the navy?
Yeah...take THAT Whaler!!
I'm with you about the R&D. My personal favorite laugh on "new and improved" product categories, though, is toothbrushes. Always a better one around the corner.
I was 17 when I went through Basic Training. I'd probably shaved twice in my life before then... You know, they really DID teach us how to shave with a helmet full of cold water. Sucked. (I've shaved my mustache thrice - Basic, AIT and BNOC schools.) I still only shave about every third day or so - I just kinda trim around my beard a little.
I'm willing to bet they have a depilatory cream somewhere that's semi-permanent - smear some gunk on your face and your whiskers are gone for a month. But where's the money in that? They make a ton of dough making us scrape our mugs... Just like they make a lot of money selling us the same old toothbrush over and over again, just in a new box...
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