Jack and the Woman
"Dad...."
Steakbellie has drifted off to a far away place....he hears a familiar voice calling him back....
"Dad...."
Again that voice...what do these people want from me...
"Finish the story Dad...you fell asleep..."
"What?, no I was thinking about something..."
My eyes are open again. The only light in the room comes from the bedroom door that is cracked open. I'm on my back on the carpeted floor, resting my head on a commandeered pillow. Two faces are waiting patiently for me to continue, the third face fell asleep when I did....storytime always knocks me out. It's much harder than reading a story too them....the dogs snuggle in to me on the floor, and you can hear the boys breath slow down....Yawn....
Kids love repetition, they can hear the same old story every night, maybe even the same story twice in a night. To keep myself awake I add small details and embellishments. I throw in quotes and details that only I understand and sometimes alter the storyline to see if they are paying attention.
I've never fully understood the moral of 'Jack and the Beanstalk'. The kid steals the Goose that lays the Golden Eggs from the Giant, and then when the Giant tries to get it back, Jack chops down the beanstalk killing the Giant. He lives happily ever after with his welfare mom.
I didnt try to add a moral to it but I have changed the story around...some of the changes are for unknown reasons.
The cow is always named 'Bessie'. The old wizard who trades him the Beans is kinda creepy and always asks Jack alot of questions like "Hows your Mom doing? Tell her Lumpy says Hi."...and their favorite version is when I replace the word 'Beans' with 'Woman'.
Jacks Mom was happy to see Jack was back from the Market so quickly. She rushed out of her bedroom...
'How much money did you get for Bessie?'
'an old man gave me this woman'
Mom looks at the woman and says 'How could you be so foolish Jack?!'
'but Mom it's a MAGIC Woman!!!'
'Jack! Go to your room!!!!'
Mom throws the woman out of the window and she lands in the fresh tilled garden.
From Jacks room he says 'Lumpy says Hi'
'Hrumph'
Of course the next day the woman has grown into a 500ft tall woman who's head is in the clouds. The other big changes are that the magical talking Harp speaks French and doesnt approve of anybody especially those characters from Aux Etas Unis. The Goose actually craps gold instead of golden eggs, and in the final scene the Goose gets freaked out and shits gold all over Jacks house, and his mom grounds him.
The only part my boys get riled over is that he's still grounded despite it being solid gold crap. I point out that adults are pretty dumb sometimes and it's not my fault that the mom did that.
Steakbellie has drifted off to a far away place....he hears a familiar voice calling him back....
"Dad...."
Again that voice...what do these people want from me...
"Finish the story Dad...you fell asleep..."
"What?, no I was thinking about something..."
My eyes are open again. The only light in the room comes from the bedroom door that is cracked open. I'm on my back on the carpeted floor, resting my head on a commandeered pillow. Two faces are waiting patiently for me to continue, the third face fell asleep when I did....storytime always knocks me out. It's much harder than reading a story too them....the dogs snuggle in to me on the floor, and you can hear the boys breath slow down....Yawn....
Kids love repetition, they can hear the same old story every night, maybe even the same story twice in a night. To keep myself awake I add small details and embellishments. I throw in quotes and details that only I understand and sometimes alter the storyline to see if they are paying attention.
I've never fully understood the moral of 'Jack and the Beanstalk'. The kid steals the Goose that lays the Golden Eggs from the Giant, and then when the Giant tries to get it back, Jack chops down the beanstalk killing the Giant. He lives happily ever after with his welfare mom.
I didnt try to add a moral to it but I have changed the story around...some of the changes are for unknown reasons.
The cow is always named 'Bessie'. The old wizard who trades him the Beans is kinda creepy and always asks Jack alot of questions like "Hows your Mom doing? Tell her Lumpy says Hi."...and their favorite version is when I replace the word 'Beans' with 'Woman'.
Jacks Mom was happy to see Jack was back from the Market so quickly. She rushed out of her bedroom...
'How much money did you get for Bessie?'
'an old man gave me this woman'
Mom looks at the woman and says 'How could you be so foolish Jack?!'
'but Mom it's a MAGIC Woman!!!'
'Jack! Go to your room!!!!'
Mom throws the woman out of the window and she lands in the fresh tilled garden.
From Jacks room he says 'Lumpy says Hi'
'Hrumph'
Of course the next day the woman has grown into a 500ft tall woman who's head is in the clouds. The other big changes are that the magical talking Harp speaks French and doesnt approve of anybody especially those characters from Aux Etas Unis. The Goose actually craps gold instead of golden eggs, and in the final scene the Goose gets freaked out and shits gold all over Jacks house, and his mom grounds him.
The only part my boys get riled over is that he's still grounded despite it being solid gold crap. I point out that adults are pretty dumb sometimes and it's not my fault that the mom did that.
3 comments:
Funny post, Steakbellie. I wonder what changes you'd make in the telling of "Bambi meets Godzilla?"
Sangroncito, I'd love to take the credit but it's my wife's constant devotion to the family reading that has kept this going.
If I were a single dad we'd be eating cereal for dinner in our underwear.
I find that reading and storytelling are great opportunities for bonding with them though after missing most of their days while I'm at work.
DK,
No doubt it would be a love story...I'd have to add some violence in the middle though to keep them interested though....
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