Getting to know the Quaker Guy.....the hard way

quaker
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

i always considered oatmeal to be beniegn.

i mean really, isnt it the kind of food that you could eat as much as you want and it wouldnt hurt you abit, no salt or fat and plenty of Soluible Fiber, to clean the Cholesteral from your Arteries.

so i ate 5lbs of oatmeal for lunch yesterday. i was full, but not at my capacity, i figured i would limit it to 5lbs 'just incase'.

so anyway just trust me, dont eat that much oatmeal, unless you're body is used to it. I was thinking about this issue and there are actually a bunch of things I've done over the years that you probably shouldnt do.

Dont Eat a box of prunes (the big box) to be funny. It WILL be funnny, just not to you. (besides ruining your night, you'll actually feel 'high')

Drinking a bottle of regular Hot Sauce (Tabasco or Franks) is impressive to most people, so there's no reason in hell you have any business drinking a bottle of Habenera Pepper Hot Sauce. There's sooooo much Capsacin (the chemical that causes the burn) in it that you will actually Halucinate....and if you do, do it, get more than $20 on that bet. You can wipe your flaming ass with the money the next morning.

Eighteen Beers is more than enough....even Ernest Borgnine will look good to you.

Dont try to drink the entire 5 gallon water cooler. you will pee. alot. in fact you will spend the rest of the day, peeing.

PLEASE dont try eating UNCOOKED beans in place of nuts. Dont loose count and eat half the bag. GOD NOOOOO!! That may have been the worst food experience of my life.....

Chugging a 2-liter of Root Beer as fast as you can? This is actually ok, unless you're only 9 years old, and bored on a summer day. The carbonation will give you gas pains, and the sugar load will give you a headache. (9 year olds should eat a dozen doughnuts either)

Brussel Sprouts and Lima Beans should NEVER be eaten in ANY quantity. That shit's gross.

You can eat all the pizza you want though......