Admit One
Alone on the trolley,
on the train,
in the elevator,
in the office
and back again
In my head
I replay the worst scenes
the ones that make me physically sick
over and over
i'm forced to watch from every angle
hear every sound
hurt myself over and over
actually wincing
5 comments:
Is this still part of the story about the lion?
It seems like you are in a bad place right now. Wanna sleep with my wife? It always makes me feel better.
I'm actually ok, and this is about nothing other than a glimpse into my head and how I deal with things.
I constantly replay situations, even ones that went well, revisiting every aspect. Alot of it is what could have gone wrong.
I even do this for things I've only heard about. I guess it's how my brain occupies time and makes things real for me.
It's probably why I'm such a good problem solver. When I'm engaged in something it possesses me and I look at every angle and possibility. I fantasize about it. I dream about it. I really understand the problem in the end. I over-understand it.
however it's a mess when I dont have anything but something horrible to think about. I'm forced to relive it over and over again like some kind of punishment...
you can't sleep with my wife, but you can hug my boyfriend if you need to. :) My dog licks me and I feel better. I'll send you a box of doggie licks. It distracts me from anything buggin' me.
Hey! Look!! Something shiny!
Well, it usually works for me anyway.
I like your poetry. Thanks for posting them for us to read.
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