My Fiance can beat up your Fiance

It's standing room only on the train today. SEPTA does a good job durning rush hours, so it's pretty uncommon to have this many people locked in the traincar with me on the way to work.

It's hot out.
It's humid.
It's monday.

I dont have a seat and I'm crammed into one of the standing areas by the doors. It's crowded enough that I dont have to hold onto a steel railing when the train moves, the press of the crowd keeps me in place.

In uncomfortable situations like train cars and elevators I have found that there can be an inverse relationship between noise and misery. Example: 20 people on a spring day will smile, chat and enjoy the ride. 100 sticky, hungover commuters wont make a damn sound when they are pressed up against each other. I dont even breathe.

So it's early on that I hear the magic word....

'fiance'

They are both good looking, late twenties and dressed in business attire. Undoubtably headed to office jobs as analysts, secretaries, project managers, or account reps...yeah, account reps sound right. Each has put on 10lbs since getting engaged, and hopes to loose it and more by the big day. I know that and so do you.

They shatter the collective silent misery with a conversation that has the dynamics of people talking on cells phones in a wind storm. Commuters completly unable to turn their heads look for reflective surfaces to see who the hell is talking so loud. These girls are face to face and talking loud enough for every member of their captive commuter to hear their story.

"Well MY finace is taking three weeks of vacation after the wedding."
"Oh, your finance is so lucky, my finace can only get a week off...but I did ask my fiance to take a couple days off this week so we can work with the wedding planner. My finace's mother wants to go to, does your finaces mother want to be involved in your wedding?"
"my finaces mother has been great with the plans and helped me pick out the Brides Maids dresses.."...blah blah blah

I turn up the ipod, but those magic words keep coming through...."finace finace finace". I can feel the tension in the crowd, apparently I'm not the only one annoyed...unfortunatley we are polite suburbanites just trying to get on our way to work, and not loud mouth city people with the balls to say:
'hey, shut your hole before kick your finaces ass'

The train is now underground and I'm anticipating my stop. They are speaking of poor dress choices of the past. One of my options is to kick the one in pink squarely in the chest at the next stop, sending her backwards onto the platform.

Suddenly, the train stops midtunnel. The engines shutoff and so the airconditioner...the lights dim. The air gets close and my sunglasses fog, everyone is concerned but these bubbly women. They are oblivious to their surroundings, and without the tracks and engine noise, they become louder and louder to my ears.

There is an elbow in my side, and someones foot upon mine. My white shirt is damp and stuck to me. One of the fiances is laughing like she's being tickeled...things are weird.

Out of desperation I close my eyes and try to make one of their heads explode...it fails. Why does it always fail?

I realize that I've come to my own death...my own hell. One is recounting a funny story about a wedding where the power went out. These happily engaged reapers have come for me...them and their fiances....I lower my head in defeat and try to imagine the faces of those I love...