Money Wasted on Unneeded Bases, Bush Says

Money Wasted on Unneeded Wars, Steakbellie Says

Salami Man on the Train

Salami

As put forth by Genoa, there are only three reasons why the guy next to me should stink so unmistakably like Salami.
1.He has eaten alot of Salami
2.He has had a Salami Rub-Down
3.He is Salami

It's Cold and Raining

In my head, I am fearsome
I stride accross intersections
I climb stairs two at a time

Look around
there are speeding trucks
potholes
baby carriages
Surely somebody needs saving

I am prepared to fight the enemy
right here
right now
on this street corner
next to the guy selling breakfast sandwiches
3 at a time
leave them tied up for the police to find
I'll stick a clever note on them

Rain beads up on my sunglasses
or crashes onto my leather jacket
everyone is aware that I can call down lightning strikes
if I really had to
I walk right down the middle, and everyone walks around me

Hot young girls look past my obvious flaws from blocks away
They pretend to ignore me when we pass
Then wipe away tears of regret

They're not bothered by my
receding hairline, my awkwardness, my gut, my age, my wife, my kids
they can sense that I've put together a hot list of songs on my ipod
and really, isnt that just what they're looking for?

Sorry girls
theres only one Mrs Steakbellie

Kilgore Trout

vonnegut
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

If you've ever read any Kurt Vonnegut, you're familiar with the recurring character of failed Science Fiction writer Kilgore Trout. His story ideas are mostly hidious, always hilarious. So here's one of his story pitches that had me laughing out loud on the train. Yeah, I'm THAT guy.

The Worlds Greatest Chef dies. All of the great chefs from every country are gathered for the funeral. They stand graveside in their white blouses, white hats and various medals and awards hung around their necks. Before the coffin is closed and lowered into the ground, one of the chefs reaches out and sprinkles in alittle parsley and a pinch of salt.

grandpa

grandpa
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Here's a photo of my paternal Grandfather taken in the late 60's He died about when I was 3. So I just found out he only had 9 fingers! He lost his right ring finger as a teen when it got torn off by an aerator/seeder machine on the family farm. This is excting for me because now I realize that I have an actual memory of him. I can remember sitting on an old guys lap and him asking me to count to ten on his fingers. You know how us three year olds are always doing that. I can remember not getting ten and getting upset that I messed up. The old guy would laugh and then tell me to try again. This went on over and over again.

I always attributed that memory to my Great Grandfather on my Mothers side who lost an arm when he got run over by a train...but now I'm certain it wasnt him...I knew he was missing an arm.

Integrity

ACE
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I dont have alot of things.
My most important posessions are my wife and kids. Burn the rest of my stuff, I'll replace it, I cant replace them. I do ok, but a millionaire? nope. However what I've always had was Integrity. I play by the rules, I dont take what isnt mine, I dont fight but to defend myself and my family. I'm a fucking Eagle Scout. Actually, I really am. I may bitch and complain here, but in real life, I'm nearly unflappable.

I've been in two fights in my life. Once when I was 6 and once when I was 12. I got through 4 years of college as a drunk and never had to fight. I've talked several large people out of kicking Birdy's ass. Tonight I was ready to lay someone out and break both of my hands on his face.

I play in a local poker game that is nickel and dime. On my worst night ever I lost $20..on my best I won $16. Now this was after playing for 5 hours!!!!

We have a pool of 15 guys who are invited. Typically 9 can make it. There's one guy who we call 'pockets'. He thinks we call him that as a compliment 'hey, I have pocket aces;. We call him that because he pockets the money as soon as he is up $5 and suddenly remembers he must go home to his wife. Its laughable. 8 guys are there to enjoy the night, he's there to win $5. Next time I'll pay him $5 not to show up.

So tonight we have a great game going. We're drinking up a storm and goofing on each other. I deal a hand and manage to raise 7 people out of the pot but pockets. Theres one card left to be drawn. There's a Diamond Flush on the Board (we're playing no limit texas hold'em) and I hold the Ace of diamonds. He cant beat me. I tell him it's his turn to bet. The piece of shit suggests that I was probably cheating, and had fixed the cards. Not for fun, he was serious.

Until that hour, I couldnt think of a senario that would cause me to actually fight someone at my poker game. He could accuse me of being incompetant, or a jerk or an asshole and that would be ok....but accuse me of cheating at a 5 hour poker game where I have a whopping $10 at stake?!?!?!?! FUCK YOU

I stood up and asked him if he had a problem with how I dealt. He Spurted out a quiet no, so I asked him again, cause for the first time in forever, I was ready to fight.

He backed down again and I was distracted and pissed off the rest of the night. I wound up taking all of his money, but loosing it to someone else in the end.

I really wish he wanted to fight...I'm embarrased to be so brazen, but fucking proud that I stood up for principle....the asshole will sleep fine tonight I'm sure, I'M the one who will play the situation over and over.....

Because It's Important

I took a dump THIS big
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I have ALOT of problems with Donald Trump. He did alot of dirty business in South Jersey and called it "The Art of the Deal". I have to say I agree with him on his assessment of the World Trade Center Rebuilding project. What the fuck is THAT bullshit? Have you seen the pieces of shit they want to put there? All twisty and glass and unused?

There's alot of sensitivity about this but theres one thing we should do. Rebuild the Towers to look as they did. My first instinct is to make them twice as big. The Donald has a design that makes them 1 floor taller than they were. They will look the same but will be completely different in structure, and would be able to handle a similar attack.

We allowed Bush to screw up the Governments response to 9-11. We should view this as 'the peoples response'. Fighting back in the face of threats is the American way. We need to let these fuckers know. "You can knock down our towers, but we'll kill you and your family. When we've buried your bodies with pig entrails, we'll rebuild the Towers again."

It'll be weird at first to see them, but I think it'll will be emotional because it will actually mean something...what would a twisty piece of glass mean? nothing...

It's not asking for trouble. It's not disrespecting those that were murdered. It's making a stand. The people need to make a stand, our Government is too busy with some completely eroneous war for w to impress his daddy.

Ungrateful Little Jedi Bastards

jedi
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

My Paternal Grandmother to me to see Star Wars. I was 6, we drove into NYC, saw the movie, and got dinner in China Town. She bought me a little airplane toy that winds up and moves around like a car.

My Maternal Grandmother and Grandfather took me to see The Empire Strikes back. I made them sit in the front row. My grandmother told me to tell her if Han ever gets out of the Carbonite.

I dont recall who I saw Jedi with.

All of those people are dead now. It's been 28 years building to the final movie. I based my childhood on it, for years we ran through the woods and the yards playing Star Wars. Everybody always fought to be Luke, that was fine for me, he was a pussy. I wanted to be Han Solo...Han Solo with a light saber of course....a stick about 3 feet long.

Last night I stood in my driveway barefoot bbq'ing dinner watching my 3 sons and 4 neighboring boys beat the hell out of each other with sticks. "I'm Anakin!!!" "No, I'M Anakin!!!" They used Pine Cones as "Force Bolts" and started a Jedi tournament. They made up rules, if you get hit in the hand or arm or leg, you cant use it....same rules we used 28 years ago.

The whole thing went chaotic, and they laughed through various disputes over who was the champion. I finnished the chicken and vegetables and picked up my own stick and challenged them all. I wont have a bunch of brats claiming to be top Jedi, when I'm the Pope of the Jedi...not in my back yard. I defeated every last one of those punks, and only lost my left arm in the process. My 6 year old hit my thumbnail pretty hard and split it abit. I ran my saber through him and moved onto the next.

So anyway I'm stooked to see the new movie, but patient (read as 'old') enough to not have to crowd and fight my way to opening night. So my neighbor goes out the other night and buys a bunch of tickets. He's taking my sons...I wanted them to come with me, when I go....all is lost...all is lost....I'm a lonely fucking Jedi....

Here comes the Mayor! Here comes the Mayor!

Mayor McCheese
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Lets call him the Mayor. Mostly because thats what we call him at the Poker Game. I've known the Mayor for 5 Years, he's got 2 boys that are friends with mine, so I see him at Scouts, Birthdays, Swimteam, Baseball, BBQ's....everything.

I get to talk to him alot, and have come to know him fairly well. The Mayor likes beer....Real Beer....he might serve you an 'Anchor Steam'. He likes to play cards, in fact he started our neighborhood game that has grown quite big. He's a huge baseball fan and blah blah blah..you get the idea. I know the guy and my image of him is set in my head. I dont waste any time figuring him out.

Our sons were opposing each other in a baseball game last night. The Mayor shows up in a blue shirt. 10 feet behind the Mayor is the Mayor in a red shirt. Had I not been so stunned, I would have used this opportunity to scream "I see everything twice!!!" (see Catch-22).

Mayor McCheese
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

My mouth was probably hanging open as my brain was flashing "Does Not Compute" over and over. It was the funniest feeling to see TWO of the same person that I know, walking towards me.

It probably took me 20 seconds to come up with the obvious...duh...the Mayor has a Cybernetic Dopplelganger that he uses to thwart assaination attempts. 20 more seconds...hey dumbass...he's a TWIN.

And perfectly, they walk the same, talk the same, both have the same sarcasm, the same freaking wrinkles....

I had no clue which one was the true Mayor until the one in blue started talking to me. In true Steakbellie form, I completely ignored the whole twin thing and pretended I hadnt been smacked in the head with a board.

It opened a world questions for me. How many other people do I know have secret twins? Am I the only one who doesnt? Does my wife have a twin? Would she sleep with me?

She was hot for it in the panties

crazy
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Jennifer Wilbanks
Birdy was kind enough to point out that its reported the Runaway Bride was actually headed towards an old flame as predicted here.

The finace is going to have a real hard time with this one. He's a god-fearing man, and would stick with her till the end...BUT....the revelation that she likes sex will be too much for him, and it will be over.

Soon after she'll become comfortable with her infamy and look for ways to profit from it. She'll write a book, and then go on Oprah to tell some of her story and throw chum in the water for book sales.

After the book has sold, an ex-boyfriend will sell a sex video he made with her years ago.

Her final stop will be a reality TV show, on some B-Class cable station.

Tomorrows Lottery Numbers: 1,2,3,4,5,6
Go to Steakbellie's Current Blog Articles
or read a funny story about my prom, 17 years ago

Lunch at the Teriyaki-Boy

teriyaki boy
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I step in off the street into the small all glass corner restaurant. It's a 'Teryaki-Boy' which is a sort of Fast-Foodish attempt at sushi. It's apparent immediatley that I'm in the wrong neighborhood. I've crossed the threshold into the world of the Lepushians. Tiny Asians girls scurry behind the counter, there's a few sleight college girls in line. Of the 15 people here, not one is over 100lbs

A co-ed waif who is barely five feet tall looks up at my suddenly gigantic 6'1" frame and scowls. She's pretty sure I've eaten red meat in the last 24 hours. What she doesnt know is that I cooked it myself on an open bar-b-que. Charcoal Briquets and a half gallon of lighter fluid. I smile back at her.

My I-Pod is serving up classic Judas Priest. "Breakin' the Law...Breakin' the Law" I am a 78' Trans Am with the T-Tops open. I'm King-Kong with an F-16 in one hand. I'm John Henry busting through the side of a mountain.

The little people scatter and now I'm at the front of the line. A few more have come into the restaurant but they're waiting several feet behind me.

I lean forward over the girl working the register. She leans back onto her heels and holds a breath.
"I'll take the Carnation Sushi Platter Please"

The Tattoo of Dorian Gray

You've seen a woman like the one I'm talking about. She's older now, late 30's early 40's but still dresses like she did when she was 22 and hot. Her hair's in the same late 80's mess, and now she applies twice the makeup that she once did in order to cover up the train wreck she's become. Dressing like a 22 year old does not make you a 22 year old.

This particular lady was probably hot. You can tell because she acts like she still is, shuffling around in front of the other kids Dads, and then tossing her hair around and trying to catch them looking at her, because she's pretty sure that they are. Sure we're all aging and dealing with our own issues but it's kinda funny because this particular woman hit the wall pretty hard at one point and nobody told her. However blessed she was before, she has now completely swung the other way. She really believes she's a knockout.

Her husband has this big-ass unfortunate tattoo portrait of her on his shoulder, down his arm. The drawing is mediocre and stiff. His skin has aged, and the damage from the sun has caused the hard dark tattoed lines to blur. The face looks alittle jumbled now as his muscles arent as big as they once were and the skin is sagging. He's way proud of his trophy wife and displays this tattoo like an ownership paper for all to see with sleeveless black t-shirts year round. Kind of like when my Mom buys a new car and then drives around with that white paper in the back door window until it falls off.

In my head he's beaten up 50 guys who smiled back at her when she flirted with them at the Motley Crue concert when they played at JFK Stadium in 1986.

So the funny thing is, the poorly done tattoo gets more and more acurate as the years go on. When they are in the nursing home together the nurse will finnish changing his diaper and say "It's like a photo!"

Jobs I would like

I think if they wouldnt screw up my family life, and if I could actually make money at them I'd do the following I'll add to it as I think of them:

Bike Messenger: I'd switch my drop-ins to bull-horns and ride my ass off. I love the idea of getting paid to ride, and I find it refreshing that it's as simple as "get to this address, then come back" I'd get the tights, the hat, and that crazy bag with the big walkie-talkie strapped on. Fuck you buddy, I'm coming through....

Flight Attendant: I waited tables for many years, I imagine it requires alot of the same ass-kissing skills. I'd travel the world, and be forced to meet new people! Plus I look good in a tie!

Fireman: I was a fire-watch at a refinery during my summers at college. Pretty much that mean I sttod in a concrete tank field baking in the sun while welders worked on pipes that were full of gasoline. If there was a problem, we were all dead, but by law I had to stand there with a charged 2.5 in fire hose. That part sucked but they gave me a week of training and putting out real fires and that was awesome. Whats cooler than being a fireman? You get to save people and kick down doors....

Garbage Man: This is a holdover from my early childhood. I thought it would be pretty cool to ride the back of the truck and jump on and off. I'd still do it...

Car Mechanic: I like solving mechanical problems....I love cars and engines....

Sniper: This add-on was from Birdy, but is something I've thought about before. Crawl on your belly for 3 days. Fire One Bullet. Crawl Back.
I dont necessarily like the idea of killing people, but I think it's something I would excel at. I'm a very simple and patient person, and very good with a rifle (I couldnt hit the ground with a handgun though, those things are useless to me) I like dirt and the smell of Cordite. I like simple goals and means...oh yeah chix, I like chix.

High-End Hair Stylist: I can cut hair, nothing fancy, and not women (yet). It's alot like scuplting. I think with a small amount of training, I could open a high-end hair salon. Some women pay $$$$ for the PERCEPTION that they are getting their hair styled by some famous designer. Black Slacks and a black T-shirt. Then a legion of women stlyists and wash girls. I'd have to put on my gay persona to make the whole thing kosher but I can swing with that sweetie. I think it would be more funny than fun, but it really is just the design of the salon and the attitude we'd sell. When I got laid off I thought about doing this at one point. It would have been the perfect time to change directions, but I was crunched for time and cash and scared.

“Christ is not speaking to the press at this time,”

You'd think this is from the Onion

Failure of Leadership

building
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Two big omissions of communication happened on Friday. I find each of them very damaging to a business realationship.
1. It was our Business Manager's Last Day. The thing was, I didnt know until she was on her way out the door. She had been there a year (3 months more than me) and was the 5th person in that position in 3 years. I understand that the others were a complete mess. This girl was very organized, and was doing an excellent job. She left for a better opportunity that will give her more time with her young kids. The problem isnt that she left. The problem is that nobody was told she was leaving despite her 2 weeks notice, and she was asked not to say anything. Most people still dont know that she's gone, and just think her office is dark because she's away on a business trip. Not even an email saying she no longer works here.....I found this Management decision disturbing.

2. The Rush Job. I understand the rush job better than anyone in this building. My career has been based on my ability to handle pressure better than the next guy and to find the quickest path through the woods when the Boogey man is coming for you. I know how to prioritize, how to delegate and what corners can be cut. I prefer alittle pressure, and sometimes I actually enjoy a four alarm emergency.

That being said, if you KNOW about something...like say....an all day work session the saturday before Mothers Day, It's probably good Management Policy to tell everyone that's involved as soon as you can. This way they can clear their schedules, make appropriate plans, or even prepare.

I found out about this meeting at 3pm on Friday right after someone whispered to me the Business Manager was leaving. The meeting had been arranged 2 weeks earlier. I could have bucked the system and refused to come in, but the the project I'm working on now is tied directly to my job. This is a job I plan to win big on.

My brother and I had planned a small party for my Mom that day, it was her birthday and Motherday combined...I had to cancel...and she was heartbroken but gracious as always...this was a direct disrepect of my time. I choose not to forgive it.

Can you hear those alarm bells ringing?

The Glutony Nexus

My one friend who has a drinking & eating problem (get your own blog if you dont like how I describe you) has found a new hangout. Apparently there is a Dunkin Doughnuts located INSIDE a liquor store near his house.

Might I suggest a dozen doughnuts to go with that twelve pack? They could place a doughnut around every bottle and just sell it that way. His mom once punched me in the gut when she suspected that I had drunken some beer from her personal beer meister. My friend says she can tell by lifting the keg, if any is missing. I think that he's kidding.

So now he stops there TWICE a day instead of just on the way home. Acouple of beers and doughnuts for lunch and he's good to go!

"Some days the dog bites you, some days you bite the dog"

I had a boss that used to say that. I think I got bit today.

This is the same guy that quite often said the following:
"Fudgie, you got shit in your head" (often)
"She looks like she was rode hard, and put away wet"
"Quit fucking the Goats Ass and come over here"
"How bout a shot and a beer?" (often)
"I FORGOT more about this business than he knows about it"
"How bout some 'slide out your ass' cheessteaks?" (often)
"You fly, I'll buy" (often)
"OK Mr Bigshot"

Subfactor 3

sf3
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

The names as good as Catch-22 and perhaps it was orginally devised by Mr. Heller? Subfactor 3 is the name of the document that I have taken ownership of, that pretty much will decide my path here at happycorp. I had the company lawyer in here yesterday briefing me on the importance of protocol when writting said document. Me? I just want it to look nice, I have a roomfull of geeks that will give me the content in Kingon. I'll tranlate it to English and come up with some fancy diagrams showing the processes, and polish it till it shines. 13 days to go. Lawyer, Schmoyer, looks are everything.....

How to Dismantle a Nuclear Bomb (or just look like you can)

Product Placements Gone Bad

Product Placements Gone Bad
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I'm a Pepper, She's a Pepper, Wouldnt you like to be a Pepper too?

SmackDown!

smackdown
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Took the boys to see Professional Wrestling last night in Trenton. If you can allow yourself to get past your dignity...it's a fun time!!!!! I lilked Black-Jack Mulligan, The Iron Sheik, Jimmy Superfly Snuka, and Rowdy Roddy Pipper as a kid. After last night I'm a fan of Ray Mysterio. He's a 300lb man that can do things that Mary-Lou Retin couldnt. These guys are much better athletes now by far. Double flips off of the top turnbuckle landing flat onto their opponent instead of on their feet!!!! Impressive stuff!!!!

All of the photos where dark and far away so it's gonna take me a few nights to process them. This one was an obvious good one. I've been known to go heavy on the lens flare, but this is an actual one caused by another cameras flash!

"Ritual de lo Habitual"

here I am in my underwear. I can hear my wife starting the shower, I've just begun the ritual, and I'm gathering my senses to come out of auto-pilot....theres a problem. Wake up. Someone has forgotten to buy milk, or creamer, or anything white for that matter. I can feel pillow marks on my face.

The first ounces of hot coffee are dripping into the pot, and the smell makes my blood race. My body needs caffeine, I need creamer.

I hate black coffee. You'd think I wouldnt hate it as much as I do...I mean it's almost there...almost. I buy good coffee too. I dont drive a fancy car or blow my money at the bar...life is just too short to waste it on bad coffee. That makes it twice as ironic that I have no minimum standard for creamer. I like Half n Half, I like Milk, Skim, Non-Dairy Powder....I have a theroy I like the taste of whiteness. That ANYTHING white will do. I think of things that are white. Titanium Dioxide is white. Zinc Oxide is white. Flour is white. Some of my socks are nearly white. Perhaps just a drop of paint?

I sometimes keep non dairy creamer as backup, but I've used that up too.

The back of my mind hands down the verdict. It was I who forgot to get the creamer, I'll have to drink my black coffee without giving anyone attitude. I'll probably have just one cup, and get the rest of my fix at work. Just enough so that I dont snap at anyone.

I stare at the two waiting mugs. Mine is black. I always drink out of my discontinued Pfalzkraft Black Hertitage Mugs. I spent a year buying them whenever they showed up on ebay, so now I have a many. They are flat black heavy stone. They hold the heat better and have anough mass to feel like a tool. My caffeine deliver machine. She insists on a white mug. I'm pretty sure I'm the crazy one.

Another Funny Thing.....

Here's another funny thought about the Runaway Bride. And by funny I mean that it's funny because it's not me. We've all done something stupid and embarrassing. Here is a list of the things I have done:

I dwell on those things and let them eat at me. The reality is that it's bigger in my head than other people's. They are busy fucking their own lives up to think about my fuck-ups. Usually you fuck up around those you love like your family and friends. They tend to forgive you and move on or away.

Some people are unfortunate enough to fuck up in a public way. People in her town who knew her or not were all involved when she went missing. She was sure to be a local news story and a 'local boob' when it was all over....all of her friends, family and neighbors would know she's an ass. The lite would be that she could get up and go to NYC or Montana and start over at least.

I think it's her good looks that were the final blow in this perfect media storm. There have been a rash of abductions leading to murders....and also by husbands: look at Scott Peterson, and that other guy out west who faked getting into medical school. We all suspected this finace guy alittle. It was a slow news week with the new Pope all settled into the Popemobile. Everybody saw this cute chick on the internet who was missing from her fairy tale and whammo, we're all hooked.

She's screwed, and has nowhere to go but reality TV

Also remember my prediction on the ex-boyfriend out there. She bought those tickets a week before. Nobody plans to go 'nowhere' for a full week.....

You Are A Cog.: Higher Education

You Are A Cog.: Higher Education
Here's a very interesting post by Birdy. The most interesting part is actually my comments to it.
:)
So it's got me thinking. I studied commercial art in college and have made a career of 13 years out of it. I took many many classes that taught me skills, but the lessons I learned there failed me. The lessons that taught me the most were actually from 'Fine Art' teachers. I now realize it has more to do with the teachers themselves.

The following three men were at the end of their teaching careers or at least in the back half when I was there. They knew nothing of computers or photoshop and I remember one of them scoffing at the idea that the computer could be a tool of art. Regardless, it is, and he taught me the concepts I use on it.

Dr Chard: This was an easy going laid back man who Birdy called "Arrow Beard". Not laid back in a hippie way but reserved and quiet like a farmer. Despite his simple appearance he was a hugely successful painter in NYC. He taught drawing and painting but what I learned from him was how to see. Look at whats in front of you instead of what you think you see in front of you. It's a harder conceot than you think. If I were to place a soda can in front of you and told you to draw it, you would look at the soda can for the first few minutes of drawing, and then rely on your mental picture of a soda can to finnish the drawing. You must continue to observe the can as it really is. Drawing is Seeing.

The other big thing I learned from Dr Chard didnt sink in for 5 years after college. Craft. You must be consistant in your drive and skills and attention. You must use the same care throughout the process of creation. Show respect for the piece you are working on and for the people who will later view it. He once got on me for relying too heavily on 'happy accidents' in my work. I was loose with my craft and my control and unexpected things would happen. I kept the good ones. I was hurt by his comments and years later discovered they were true.

Dr Tishler: This man was feared. He was a short stocky man who rarely said anything and it was never nice when he did. In my mind he is Talousse Latrec without the limp. He taught painting and in my case, humility. We would show up to class and paint for 6 hours a week (in most art classes, they were six hours a week for only 3 credits) and he wouldnt say much. Once in awhile he would have everyone put their artwork on the wall so we could all critique it. It was like Simon Cowell on American Idol when he opened his mouth. Many many times he would tell someone (someone who chose to MAJOR in art mind you) that they had no business being in art, and that the best thing they could do would be to immediatley drop out. Can you imagine how devastating it must be to hear that? It was true too. What seemed cruel was probably the best advice these people ever got (all of it unheeded of course) The real world would later prove to be much crueller to these people. He saw it as his own responsibility to tell them. He should be awarded a medal. He rarely said anything about my work, but told me at graduation. "I'm a fan of your painting" (literly that was the entire conversation) It made me regret not painting more in college.

Dr Appelson: The guy who taught me the most did it in one semester. I had him for 'Print Making' which is about the farthest you could get from what I now do. He demanded hard work and most people hated him. He was infamous for tearing up drawings done by freshman in front of them (alot to be learned there). By chance there were many in that class who wanted to work, and work hard. I got up early and went to work in his studio when I didnt have class. He gave me a key and I would show up at night and work. I wasnt alone either. We put our pieces on the wall and talked about them...listened. About the surface and of things much much deeper. I learned teamwork. I learned integrity.

The Runaway Bride

A few things about the chick who pretended she was kidnapped to get out of her wedding:
1. She is one of very few people who you can see their entire iris most of the time. Most people you can only see it when they are surprised. I had a roomate that had the same condition...he too is crazy....just in a different way.

2. We will find out in the coming days that she fled to see an old boyfriend. You dont just buy a ticket to nowhere....she was looking for a harbor to park her boat in. She may have not found him, but she was looking.....

3. Her fiance may be crazier than her. Not that it's crazy to still want to marry her, but he's pretending like he's not angry or anything. That boy has some serious issues and thats probably half the reason she took off.

4 She's a nurse. I grew up with such respect for the profession, perhaps even moreso than for doctors. Nurses are the one on the ground dealing with the immediate issues, I was disappointed to find out how many flaky people I know that are nurses. They're as bad as the rest of us.

Important Developments

I received an email today that changes everything.

http://steakbellie.blogspot.com/
has been voted the third most important blog in the Greater Philadelphia area. I've been asked to speak at the dinner honoring these notable blogs. In fact I've been asked to speak at many award ceremonies, and clearly, this is one of them. It's nearly an honor.

I've tried to bare my soul abit on this blog. I try to filter the news and events and deliver whats on my mind. It's not a diary, it's an opportunity to be creative in a mundane kind of way. I didnt think anyone was reading this so I was candid, and now I'm embarrassed to know the following:

1. Two B-List celebrities read my Blog regularly. One is Danny Most (Ralph Mouth from Happy Days) the other Don Pollack (sort of a Weird Al Yankavick of local Philly News). Apparently Danny Most is responsible for half of my traffic.

2. Angelina Jolie happened upon my blog once, and after reading a few articles removed me from her list of "Top 5 Hottest Guys"

3. 4 out of 5 of my readers think I have too much time on my hands.

4. There 13 are fan-blogs of my blog. They disect everything I say and critique my artwork. Everyone is allowed to view them but me.

5. Someone is developing a 'Steakbellie's Blog Action Figure and there's talk of movie rights and a book deal.

6. None of these people bothered to leave any comments.

I'm very self conscious now. I need a hug.

CIA Reports North Korea Developing Sex Bomb

There are three kinds of people

1. Those inside my head
B. Those not inside my head

It's a Fashion Coup

The Fashionistas are planning their coup
Knee High Leather boots all summer
White after Labor Day
Tweed to take out the garbage

Winters will wear summer colors
Somebody is in Lime
Someone else is fat, and has farted
Twice

Off-Black is the new Black
So are whites washed with something red
40 is the new 30
20 is stil 20 though

They'll take these streets by storm
Mixing Ralph Lauren with Jaquline Smith
Prada with non-Prada
I still have nothing to wear

They carry huge eyelash brushes caked with black gook
swabbing passersby with 5lbs of sticky beauty
The MaryKay Ladies will have their pink Caddys keyed
and then touched up with nail gloss by Jessica Simspon, (we dont want rust)

Hear the drums
Smell the Fragrance
Have a Latte
It's a Fashion Coup

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