Finding Purpose
I'd like to expand more this article from Birdy that I pointed out in the previous post.
You Are A Cog.: This Is Your Life
In the comments PlayfulinDC said:
"What else is there? You're the one with the kids, right? Don't they say you understand the meaning of life once you have one?"
I want to repeat and further my comments.
I'm struck by what she has said, probably because I'm one of the people who have said/believed that.
Kids ratchet up your level of responsibility so high that you are no longer afforded the luxuries of self as easily. you are forced to put your own priorities on hold and to center on someone elses. it's not that you get any answers, but that you are given purpose. kids give you purpose.
and not always high-brow purpose, but simple goals...keep them warm, keep them fed, teach them how to speak, how to love, buy them Playstation. i guess they do make me want to be a better person though, i certainly want to be a better Dad to them. i fail that alot, but i do try.
for me, it's been the only clear thing i have to do in my life. everything else is a mess. i still dont know what i want to do, and i'm not even certain what i like....i know what they like. isnt that crazy?
i guess that's what's satisying about parenthood then, you're given a monstorous goal, something to do, some way to be useful with this little bit of time that we have. they consume and exhaust you, yet you're just happy to be there.
the other interesting thing about having kids is that it changes the way you think about your own parents. you realize first-hand the things that they gave up for you: money, sex, sleep, sanity and you're alot more forgiving (or at least understanding) of their failures.
so what happens when they grow up and go away? i dont have a freaking clue....i guess i find a new purpose....
and I'm certainly not saying that people without kids dont have or cant find purpose. we had kids so young, we never had a chance to look for a purpose!
You Are A Cog.: This Is Your Life
In the comments PlayfulinDC said:
"What else is there? You're the one with the kids, right? Don't they say you understand the meaning of life once you have one?"
I want to repeat and further my comments.
I'm struck by what she has said, probably because I'm one of the people who have said/believed that.
Kids ratchet up your level of responsibility so high that you are no longer afforded the luxuries of self as easily. you are forced to put your own priorities on hold and to center on someone elses. it's not that you get any answers, but that you are given purpose. kids give you purpose.
and not always high-brow purpose, but simple goals...keep them warm, keep them fed, teach them how to speak, how to love, buy them Playstation. i guess they do make me want to be a better person though, i certainly want to be a better Dad to them. i fail that alot, but i do try.
for me, it's been the only clear thing i have to do in my life. everything else is a mess. i still dont know what i want to do, and i'm not even certain what i like....i know what they like. isnt that crazy?
i guess that's what's satisying about parenthood then, you're given a monstorous goal, something to do, some way to be useful with this little bit of time that we have. they consume and exhaust you, yet you're just happy to be there.
the other interesting thing about having kids is that it changes the way you think about your own parents. you realize first-hand the things that they gave up for you: money, sex, sleep, sanity and you're alot more forgiving (or at least understanding) of their failures.
so what happens when they grow up and go away? i dont have a freaking clue....i guess i find a new purpose....
and I'm certainly not saying that people without kids dont have or cant find purpose. we had kids so young, we never had a chance to look for a purpose!
4 comments:
I find this facinating.
I agree that kids ratchet up the level of responsibility. I'd futher add that that don't suddenly make you a responsible person. I think that much is painfully clear if you look at parenting on any sort of case-by-case basis.
However, I disagree with you on the point of finding a purpose in your children. I would argue that you are not given any more purpose than you were given the day before the kids showed up though. You're just a lot more busy and, as a result, have less time to focus on things like defining purpose. You're too busy with pragmatic goals - food, shelter, and so on. These aren't goals or purposes any more than they were goals before the kids came along. They were just functional parts of life.
There is no higher meaning behind these actions and being responsible in this way doesn't suddenly, magically grant you purpose.
It makes you personally invested in the mundane.
right, it doesnt instantly make you responsible, you learn that the hard way by fucking up and paying the consiquences.
like if you spend all your money at the bar, your kid has to go hungry now too, not just you.
i still maintain that kids can give you purpose and direction. they certainly did with me.
I wonder if this feeling is different for women? I only ask because you guys have raised some interesting questions for me to ask R. As a father, I find his responses are much different than I expected.
I don't have children but I've known many a "MOM-zilla" in my life... (girlfriends of mine that were pretty fab and then suddenly can think of nothing else than being a mother...)
I find that men, as problem solvers, seem to focus on the purpose, the resolve, the responsible... the women as the nurturers can seem to think of nothing else but nurturing... that sort of thing.
Of course, this is not a judgement, simply an observation... how could I possibly truly know what it's like for anyone else? I can't remember my name most days.
I think that is a very accurate observation!
Post a Comment