The Axia 3 Thanksgiving Invitational 2006

Click to see the whole photo set
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Even if you've never been to a New York Deli, I can tell you that Arties is a typical New York Deli and we'd pretty much have a similar image in our heads. There are long glass cases of pastries and meats to buy. There are reviews and autographed framed photos on the walls. There are people getting 'the usual' and enjoying the paper with their breakfast.

News outlets are desperate for Thanksgiving Themed content. Other than Parades and Black Friday stories there isnt much non-violent news to present. The IFOCE's Thanksgiving Invitational fills this need and gets the sponsor National exposure at a fraction of what a tv commercial would cost. There is so much interest in this event that it is closed to the public. I had to get special permission to bring my family...i promised they wouldnt eat much.

The main portion of the restaurant is now full of video techs running heavy cables out to the satellite trucks parked just inside. Marketing people are constructing a 20' 'pop-up' backdrop with the 'Axia 3' logo on it. Crazy Legs Conti and Eater X have been here for hours, doing a radio show and some other media interviews. The IFOCE has lots of deserved confidence in their ability to talk off the cuff on camera. They speak in serious tones about the event and what Competitive Eating means to them. Crazy Legs Conti call Thanksgiving 'Amatuer Day' much the same that an alcoholic might say about New Years. Eater X mentions how his Sports Phsycologist has helped him prepare for this event. I listen to some of their straight-faced humor and cant keep from breaking out into a smile.

It's about 8:30am and I'm sitting with my Mom, my wife and my three sons waiting for the remaining eaters to show. We drove in from Jersey and came early incase the tunnel traffic was too much and got lucky. Arties is still serving clients on the porch, so my family gets breakfast and I get to watch longingly.

Eater X and Conti finish with the press and Conti gives me a hug. I meet the Pickle Champion, Beautiful Brian Seiken and he gives me a hug too. Justin Mih and Arturo Rios show up and it's hugs all around...I love how affectionate these guys are, and how welcoming they can be. Crazy Legs puts me infront of some news people and I answer some press questions into voice recorders and video cameras:

Q: "How do you prepare for a contest like this"
A: "I've been an eater all my life, everyday is practice"

Q: "Did you eat anything this morning?"
A: "Of Course, Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!"

Q: "How do you think you'll do today?"
A: "I'm the least ranked eater at the table today, but I'm expecting an overall win. Most of the eaters here will fall alseep by the 6th minute from the Turkey overload. I've built up my Tryptophan resistance to the point where it doesnt effect me anymore."

Q:"Will you eat Turkey Tomorrow?"
A: "ABSOLUTELY" (the only true answer I gave)

I meet Kate Westfall who handles schedules all of the eaters and the events they want to attend (hug) and the Legandary Hungry Charles who now is the Comissioner of the IFOCE (hug). Kate gives me my Axia 3 tshirt and I begin to prepare myself mentally.

Big Brian shows, Sonya Shows, Pat Bertoletti shows, and there is a media crush to talk to Sonya & Pat. The eaters huddle together waiting for the intros. George Shea calls the eaters out one at a time, giving their histories (wonderfully embellished with colorful stories of how each eater came to love Competitve Eating) George tells the black wall of cameras that I am actually FROM Scotland. (it gets printed)

The Turkeys are brought out and I spend some time touching them to see that they are cool and look over cooked. The turkeys have been stuffed with Turkeys so that each one weighs exactly 12.00 lbs on the digital scale. I think over the advice Humble Bob has given me for this event. Bob suggested I keep my bites small in case the Turkey is dry.

Small Bites...
Small Bites...
Small Bites...

The Contest begins and I tear off one of the enormous breasts with my hands and shove the whole damned thing in my mouth. I know I was supposed to take small bites, but I got so excited with all the tv cameras that I lost my mind for abit and took the biggest bite of my life.

Turkey has very little fat and Overcooked Turkey is devoid of water. This huge chunk of white meat couldnt be dryer if it was made out of powder. I chew and chew and chew trying to get enough moisture worked in to be able to swallow. My wife and kids are yelling for me from the side, I can hear lots of excitement from the crowd but I'm mostly blinded by the lights. It's almost two minutes in before I completely get my mouth clear (despite my chipmunked cheeks I kept putting more Turkey in) and I get into a smart rhythm of small pieces dunked in gravy (each eater got a bowl) I keep my hands tearing at the bird and concentrate on swallowing. My hope is to get through the white meat first, and then move to the dark meat on the bottom and finally the legs if there is time. The dark meat is easier to eat but the bulk of the weight remains in the breasts.

I'm on the end of the table and it's hard to see whats happening at the center, every time I try to peak, my wife yells at me to stay focused on my own Bird. Sometimes I'm too much of a fan to not be so nosey. Big Brian is next to me and I'm rushing small pieces into my mouth trying to catch him. Brian has hands like dinner plates, and he picks the whole turkey up and puts it to his mouth. With his second hand he grabs the gravy bowl and drinks directly from it. The media loves this and flash bulbs go off like crazy.

Typically, they play music during the contest, but today it's just George Shea barking insightful commentary of whats happening at the table. I'm determined to mind my own business.

"Sonya's in Trouble!!!" George says with genuine shock.

I look over and the most important, most impressive person in competitive eating has a hand over her mouth. For a second it feels like everyone stops in disbelief. She's been in more competitions than anyone, has beaten more people than anyone, has astounded more crowds than anyone. This 99lbs woman has competed for almost 4 years and never puked. She's eaten 65 Hard Bolied Eggs in 5 minutes for goodness sakes.

She doesnt puke but appears to have coughed a bit up when trying to swallow too much. There's just a tiny bit, but thats enough be DQ'd, the rules say nothing can come from your mouth. She steps away from the table and the eaters dig in deeper.

I keep my pace right up to the 12th minute, and I dont hit a single wall, not even the meat sweats! Big Brian is practically wreslting his carcass next to me, I feel like it's going to be close. I stuff my mouth at the buzzer and step back from the table. Our birds are inspected and any eaxtra meat from the area is put on the platters and weighed. I can see my Mom waaaaay in the back behind the cameras. She's never seen one of these events before and I can tell that she's relieved I didnt choke to death.

Sonya talks on camera with the most gracious smile, and jokes that she should have had some 'Axia 3 Antacid' before hand.

Crazy Legs gets ahold of a pumkin pie and passes around slices for everyone. The TV cameras love this too and gasps can be heard that we can eat more after 12 minutes of gorging. I feel fantastic, fullish but not near capacity. The pie is wonderful.

The results are announced and I am 6th of 8, better than what was expected of me, and another small victory for me. I am improving slowly and I have to be patient and happy with the progress I've made. There are many many more hugs, and talk of when we will all meet again. I thank anyone who will listen, and head out into Manhattan with my family.

I have some photos to go through and I will post them tonight!

Patrick Bertoletti: 4.8 lbs
Tim Helen Janus: 3.8 lbs
Arturo Rios: 2.8 lbs
Crazy Legs Conti: 2.38 lbs
Justin Mih: 2.375 lbs
Steakbellie: 1.80 lbs
Brian Subich: 1.42 lbs
Sonya Thomas: DQ