Dear Readers and Friends
Hi
Take that blue-tooth enabled headset off your fucking head so that I might smash it into tiny bits.
It used to be easy to spot the crazies. The talkers would have conversations with seemingly invisible people, and I would nuzzle in close to them on the train to get a glimpse of the colorful world they have woven around themselves.
Now you all talk like that, straight into the air, nodding and hand waving like somebody is right in front of you.
I hate that blue flashing light on the headset, I hate your loud conversations, I hate the handbag you chose to wear with that outfit.
Many of you from New Jersey will cry outloud in rage because the law does not permit you to use a handheld phone while driving, and I answer you with a bellowing of wisdom.
Unless you are using that extra free hand to masterbate, detatch that retarted thing from your skull, and throw it asunder. You look stupid and I wont tolerate it anymore....
Kisses
-Steakbellie-
8 comments:
I'm with you.
here here!!! (raises wine glass holding drowned blue tooth enabled headset she ripped off of someone's face)
I read about a study recently that found people who drive and talk on the cell phone are MORE dangerous that people who drive under the influence of alcohol. The study also found that people on those stupid headsets are almost equally dangerous. BAN 'EM ALL!
I feel like a hick. I've never even seen one of those things. The other day, though, I DID see an iPod for the first time!
I gotta get out of the sticks and rejoin society someday.
SZG, you are a little bitch and no one wants to hear about your wire-filled life. I don't have a blue tooth, but as a kid I hung out with Jason Edleman and he had a green tooth. I always wondered why his parents didn't do something about it. They seemed to be financially stable. Certainly a crown or cap wouldn't have bankrupted them. Last I heard, Jason led a hermit's life and had ballooned up to more than 400 pounds with at least 100 of those pounds accounted for by his acne.
So what were we talking about?
I wonder if smashing the head into tiny bits might not be more to the point.
I love Artie's story...
Thanks for vocalizing what I've felt for years. Until 2 months ago, I was sporting an old skool rotary phone at home. It was a sweet horn - I pimped it out with handpainted flames and skulls & crossbones. Then the phone company contacted me: "Sorry ma'am, but our current technology will no longer support analog dialer phones". Hmph. "That's some pretty shitty technology you've got there." I say.
Now I have a mobile phone that requires a Homer Simpson dialing wand because my fingers are too fat for the teeny-tiny keys. I rarely turn it on because I despise others who yak like obnoxious twats in public, and I don't like that Star Trek "beam me up" feeling I get.
I've just re-discovered the joy of payphones. Every call makes me feel like I'm setting up a big score with my homies.
I agree with you... I once saw a lady talking into the thing at McDonald's but it looked like she was having a lengthy conversation with Ronald McDonald the clown. I decided that I never wanted to look that stupid. I think it's rude to have some of those private conversations in public anyways.
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