Sunday, May 25, 2008

Three Hundred Miles of What Went Wrong

A Short Play

A bearded man wearing a kilt is in a convenience store in Pittsburgh. In his shopping cart is five yellow paper plates with five cooked hot dogs and buns on each. The cashier is a very attractive girl and is watching him place each plate on the checkout belt.

Cashier: "Wow, thats a lot of Hot Dogs, are those all for you?"
Man: (Confidently) "Yeah, I figure this should be enough, it's hard to satisfy me ya know"
Cashier: (Impressed) "Are you from around here, I think I'd remember you"
Man: (still placing plates on the belt) "I'm actually from Philadelphia. I travel around alot. I'm a pretty big deal deal."
Cashier: "What's that you're wearing?"
Man: "This old thing? It's my Kilt. I'm half Scottish"
Cashier: (Smiling) "Wow..."
Man: I'm also Hungarian, but I like to tell people I'm only hungry on the inside"
(They both laugh out loud)

Cashier:" Thats $25 for all those hot dogs"

Man fumbles through his Sporan. Finds a bill but is still looking for more money. More people get in line. The Cashiers smile becomes stressed.

Man: (Embarrassed) "Gosh, I dont know what happened, I must have left the rest of my money at home, I have a Twenty Dollar Bill though, I'll just get twenty hot dogs this time, Twenty is still alot of hot dogs.

Cashier: (slightly annoyed) "Yeah, thats alot"

Man hands the Cashier the Twenty and starts to put away his wallet.
Cashier: "Ummmm..."
Man: "What?"
Cashier: "This is a Canadian Twenty."
Man: (flabberghasted) "Huh?, I uh..."
(Next person in Line Sighs Audibly)
Cashier: "You can only get Seventeen Hot Dogs with this"
Man: (Completely red, wanting to just leave) "I guess I'll just bag these up myself"
Cashier: "Nice Dress"
Man: "Right"

Yesterday, I drove out to Pittsburgh to Compete in the Nathans Qualifier held out there with Wing Kong and US Male. Typically we eat at the Philadelphia Qualifier on Memorial Day, but tried to be clever and go to a city that we had a chance of winning.

I brought EVERYTHING I had and it just wasnt enough. This year for the first time I have been eating into the Twenties with every practice run. I typically do even better in a contest than in practice, but it just wasnt the case. On the ride home we discussed what happened. Everybody's totals were down. There was some differences in the Hot dog style and preparation that may be the reason. We fretted.

What we did agree on that whatever it was, the winner, Juliet Lee wasn't affected by it. She was prepared for anything and found a way to get those cold rubbery dogs down. She's the Champion of the Iron City because she was able to overcome the unexpected. I have alot of respect for that.

Rich Shea was the announcer and was pretty awesome.

Juliet Lee 29 Hot Dogs and Buns in 10 Minutes (11 competitors out of the 16 that signed up)
Jim Reeves 19.75
Wing Kong 19
Steakbellie 17
Big Brian 17
US Male 13
Mike Landrich 12
Disco Iskoe 7


deanamo said...

Aw man! Sorry this wasn't the one. :( Great try though!

U.S. MALE said...

We will kick some a** at QVC!

Leonesse said...

LK said she swallows as well as spanks.

Man, that just sucks. So, you are still going to try at another qualifier?

Chris said...

Yeah, do you get to try again?

steakbellie said...

I have 2 more qualifiers coming in about a month. I'll see what I can do. For now I'm seriously watching my diet!!!!

Liz said...

Remember, lots of great eaters have had to compete in three qualifiers to make it. Think of poor Rich LeFevre getting beat out even when he was eating in the 30s! It's a tough field, but I still have faith in you.

MsAPhillips said...

Oracle speaks:
soon your
avatar will
eat, virtually.

katrocket said...

I wish Juliet Lee would spank me too.

BeckEye said...

Sorry about the whole not winning thing, but I got a give a shout out to the old hometown.

Pittsburgh! Woo!