WingBowl 15: Part 3 of 6: Hurry Up and Wait
In each of the last 3 WingBowls Wing Kong and I give a speech to our teams. It is simply "This is your only chance. If there is something that you want to do, that you must do, then do it. We may never be here again." It's an important speech because it lets the guys get as involved or uninvolved as they like. I dont want them to feel that this is about just me. I have my own things to worry about, they are free to make the experience what they want.
Me and my ten guys are locked in the concrete labyrinth beneath the Wachovia Center. We are all wearing our Kilts (except Artie Lange) and we have an 8ft Tall can of beer (filled with cases of beer). I race through my mental checklist, and there is nothing left to do. It's a case of 'Hurry Up & Wait' and we have 3 hours+ to kill.
Small men with shaved heads, glasses, headsets with microphones and clipboards hurry through the growing crowd of costumed drunkards. They say things like "OK PEOPLE" or just "PEOPLE" when they are herding groups of participants.
It's an exciting pandamonium to be part of. You can feel and share the excitment between these strangers because we are all part of the cast in this production. This is a Radio Teleplay, and we provide the Foley sounds behind the broadcasters voices. This is WingBowl and I consider it to be Musical about an Eating Competition. No one has told us who has won yet.
A piece of paper scotch taped to a wall mid-way down a random hallway states that it is Team Steakbellie's Lot. Our float is too big to bring with us and must remain by the loading dock. We gather around this piece of paper and wait. The guys are euphoric, and they are sipping covert beers in plastic cups. Clutches of strippers make their way down our hallway, and my guys are more than glad to great them with songs, or chanting and a posed photo or two.
I am the sober observer, and I watch the security guards who have surrounded our party fun. They have a leader, and he looks agngry...in fact he looks like he's ALWAYS angry.
"Are you guys drinking beer? Thats against the rules! No Alcohol back here! Where's the rest of it? Next time I'm going to kick you out!"
4 or 5 Henchmen in Security Jackets collect the beers that my group is sipping.
"What the fuck? This is WINGBOWL!"
The Asshole on a power trip moves onto the next crowd to hassel. I go for a walk to see the other floats and visit some other Eaters. My Enterauge switches to plan B, they reload their beer stock from the float and hide the cans in the fake plastic stomachs we have as costumes. (ALWAYS plan ahead) The guys then head to the bathrooms to pound beers college style.
Wing Kong is still working on his float. He is doing a Rocky theme and so his float is a boxing ring on wheels. His college buddies built it overnight and the fucking thing weighs over 500lbs. Wing Kongs sponsor is 'Delilah's Den' and he is given a stable of girls to be his wingettes. Also in his group, is some Porn Film Actress (days later I find out was thrown out of the stadium for doing something very bad in front of 20,000 people) Wing Kong is installing a brass stripper pole in the middle of the Float. Suddenly I realize I might not win the float competition. I move on.
There is US Male who is a Postal Worker who will pop out of giant mailbox.
There is Dave the Dumpster who will pop out of a Dumpster.
I wonder if I should be popping out of my beer can.
There is the Blind Beast who is a 300lbs Blind man. His Enterague are all his blind friends and they are dressed in Kung Foo outfits. I fall in love with them, but just dont know what to say...it's 7th Grade all over again.
Meanwhile.....Sgt Asshole continues to harrass my friends. "I KNOW you guys still have beer, and when I bust you, I'm going to throw you out."
I visit with my friends from the IFOCE. They are being kept separate from the other eaters....because....they are bad. At least during the Melodrama they are. People will boo them and tell them to go home. Afterwards they will ask for an autograph and a picture.
"They took the bar, they took the whole fucking bar!"
This is an important part of the story. An unnamed friend of mine, made a completely ROOKIE move and retrieved some beer from the Trojan Beer can, under the watchful eye of Sgt Asshole. As I watched from afar, Security raided my blessed beercan of ALL of it's beer and threated to kick me out of the contest. While I forgive and love said friend, he owes me a beer or nine and perhaps something to eat.
The remaining time was filled with lots of people having lots of fun. I was tolerant, but really not a bag of sunshine.
Things of note:
* We finally met our Wingettes from McFaddens (wow! NOT a strip club!) and they were alot of fun.
* 3 of my Enterauge did Interviews with TV crews who though they were me
* My brother kicked some serious bagpipe tunage to rile up the group.
* My friends managed to get ahold of some more beer and sneak it back into the giant beercan.
* Artie Lang sat quietly in the hallway reading the newspaper in his Glassboro State College sweatshirt. He was not wearing his kilt or his fake plastic belly. He was not chasing scantly clad women. He was the calm before the storm.
All along I kept creeping up to the stadium...I wanted this thing to start.
6 comments:
A great read... give me more!!
You guys would've loved the PGH WCS 4th thru 10th place "consolation" prize.
The Beer Belly!
http://www.thebeerbelly.com/default.asp?Click=51
Steak:
I thought you knew Artie pretty well??
Whenever I've seen him drunk, he's always reading the newspaper. In fact, that's the only time he even looks at a newspaper.
I understand you may have your doubts about this. But consider what else Artie does at Wing Bowl and the drunk theory makes a lot more sense.
Beer in the fake guts! Brilliant!
"They took the whole fucking bar!" Six words you never want to hear.
What a read! Can't wait for part 4.
Ugh; I hate rent a cops on power trips.
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