T E N (fo' sheezy) (Haiku)

first you were early
and scared the shit out of us
i'm glad you came late

Daydreaming about Bunnies and Rainbows

I'm wondering what it would be like to be body slammed through a folding table like they do on Professional Wrestling. Why the hell does that appeal to me?

My guess is that you'd have to hit it dead center and hard with something broad like your back. Hitting it too soft will cause the table to only crack and you'll get hurt. Hit it with some serious momentum and all of your kinetic energy will go into breaking the table in half and you will pass through to the floor with much less speed.

I have 2 tables that would be perfect for this, but I would need something tall to jump off of, or have someone tall and strong enough to throw me down on it with enough force.

It occured to me during the Nathans contest that they used folding tables of the correct type, but I didnt want to embarrass myself (said the man in the kilt eating all the hotdogs) if it didnt break properly and I got hurt. Acouple of those guys were more than big enough to smash me through.

I think my wife would hit me with a folding chair if I tried this so I'll just keep it a fantasy. She thinks I'm crazy, but I'm not...I'm just a very curious boy. I mean am I supposed to pass through life never knowing for sure how many chicken wings I can eat in a sitting, what it's like to swim across the Chesapeke(she doesnt know about that one yet) or if I'm good enough to sing for Menudo? There's no coming back from the grave you know, so I need to fit all this shit in while I'm still breathing!

Hmmm...maybe if I jump off the garage roof I can get enough speed....
:)

Britney...can you handle my truth? (haiku)

you are so stupid
i cant turn my head away
you cry, i smile

because i said so (haiku)

i know what i want
only a matter of time
confidence to spare

Wedge, I'm going in.... (haiku)

Rebellion of One
Targeting Computer: Off
You must use The Force

grrrrr........

i just yelled at someone
and i feel good about
dont fuck with my team, shitbag

The Night Rider Watches Over Us- Red Letter Edition

"GOOD MORNING PEOPLE OF PHILIADELPHIA....I AM THE NIGHT RIDER."
The Night Rider is yelling this into the silent train car. The doors have just closed, they always wait for the doors to close before they start.

All of the commuters take a quick look and determine he isnt holding a gun, I keep looking into him, I want to hear what he has to say.

"I RIDE THE TRAINS AND BUSES ALL NIGHT TO KEEP THEM SAFE. SINCE I STARTED THIS PROGRAM SEVERAL YEARS AGO, THINGS HAVE IMPROVED QUITE ABIT"

His voice is hoarse and it's believable that he's been yelling into packed traincars all night. The Night Rider has a baggy grey suit on with a satain yellow shirt pulled out. He's got greasy brown skin, and yellowish eyes. Eyes that have seen quite abit of alcohol this morning. I'm not in a judging mood because frankly, I'm still drunk from the night before as well. I wonder if he buys a monthly pass or just a single day and never leaves.

"I AM CURRENTLY HEADED TO CITY HALL. THEY ARE GOING TO APPOINT ME MAYOR AND CHIEF OF POLICE....THEY ARE ALSO GOING TO MAKE ME HITLER" At the mention of Hitler, all of the good citizens do a visual recheck for weapons."THERE ARE PLENTY OF KIDS IN THIS CITY THAT ARE IN TROUBLE, AND THE NIGHT RIDER IS LOOKING OUT FOR THEM. IF YOU HOOCHY GIRLS DONT WANT TO GET PREGNANT, YOU SHOULD KEEP THE OVEN DOOR SHUT. HARRISBURG CANT HELP YOU, WE NEED TO WORK TOGETHER."

At the next stop, he holds the doors open and assists an old lady onto the train with the authority of someone who works for SEPTA. ""PLEASE STEP ABOARD, AND WATCH THE DOORS"

The doors close and the newcomers are momentarily startled at his pronouncement.
"GOOD MORNING PEOPLE OF PHILIADELPHIA....I AM THE NIGHT RIDER. I RIDE THE TRAINS AND BUSES ALL NIGHT TO KEEP THEM SAFE. SINCE I STARTED THIS PROGRAM SEVERAL YEARS AGO, THINGS HAVE IMPROVED QUITE ABIT" They check for weapons, then ignore him like everybody else.

Not me, I keep watching him, I think he may be onto something.....

Thanks for the Obvious

bomb
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Autopsy confirms al-Zarqawi died of mysterious 'bomb-like' disease

Mr Saturday Night

ml
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Lets open the thirty pack
and plan the future of Iraq
on my lined yellow note-pad

"irony can be so ironic sometimes"

the rich old white people
get their diapers changed
by the grandchildren
of the blacks they feared

where do these tracks go? (haiku)

somewhere i got lost
mired in disappointment
why cant i be you?

"and you said that only proves that I'm insane.."

You know that feeling you get when you've been away on vacation, and you go pick up your dog from the kennel? It's a moment of elation when that three-legged killer comes out from the back room with his nails clipped and fur washed. You realize just how much you love that dog and how much you've his missed barked greetings.

Thats how I felt. My bike broke while I was riding into work the other day. One of the spokes snapped and the wheel went out of true. I had to leave it in a Center City bike shop with the snobby mechanic that hates me for a few days and take the train home.

I picked it up yesterday at lunch and when the girl brought it out from the back room I had the biggest fucking grin, and had to surpress saying 'There's my baby....'

After work it had begun to rain, in fact it was pouring and dark. Once you are commited to the idea of getting wet, riding in the rain can be fun. Some care has to be taken with stopping, but the ride itself is refreshing. It makes me think of those days riding through South Dakota, Ohio and Johnstown PA.

I caught up with a 20 year old bike messenger with a huge mohawk on his way home and we raced from stoplight to stoplight all the way out of the city. It was the best part of my day, I could releash all of my agression into those pedals and not have to smile at anyone or pretend to care....it's like I'm almost a man again for those 45 minutes and not some suburban meat conglomeration....I'm about to bike home again now and I cant wait.....grrrrr

and begin

He even hated me back when I worked for him. Now he works for me and has good reason to sigh audibly when he sees me in the morning. I'm sensitive to it and give him all the respect and smiles I did before.

I walk into his office and call his name.

He looks up from behind thick glasses and four Monitors.

He picks up a timer. The kind that a football coach would wear around his neck with a lanyard. He picks up this digital black stopwatch timer and pushes one of the three buttons.

BEEP

'Yes?'

I ask my question, and leave.

now....when he clicked the button, did he start the timer or stop the timer?

C I R C L I N G

I'm the only one out here without an umbrella
suckers....

Of course the Conservative point of view is that the Deserts are thriving!

Love isnt Love until somebody takes it in the Pooper

He could count to fifteen (haiku)

They took his third arm
and sealed it in a glass jar
Now who will save us?

Steakbellie & Birdy's Theroy of the Conservation of Energy to get things Done (haiku)

superstitious me
talking subtracts from doing
shut your mouth and do

Must be Monday

It's taken me three hours of analysis, but I've finally come to this conclusion: I'm Hung Over.....

Babufto (haiku)

Linguine with Clams
some Babufto for dessert
and a Espresso

Small Man, Big Problems

Small Man, Big Problems
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

This guy is a digger. He digs holes. All of the holes he has dug so far have sunk us further and further. His solution, when the holes havent panned out? Dig DEEPER.

This is not my photo

I forgot to eat breakfast this morning

Seriously, how the hell does that happen?

Boyle's Law

i am standing accross the intersection watching a blind man walk with his cane sweeping back and forth. It's ok to stare at blind people because they dont know how rude you really are. I'm always amazed at just how many blind people are in Center City, they just seem to be everywhere.

To further illustrate this, the blind man walks into: another blind man. They bump softly and then scoot around each other.

Two blocks later I witness two seeing eye dogs fight. Most seeing eye dogs seem to be smaller Black Labs. The one who starts the fight this time is a German Sheppard. A few commands are yelled and everyone is back on their own trajectory. Including me.

Operator 57 part 2

Please do not run for Trains
Trains run every four minutes

Operator 57 (haiku)

Please stand clear of doors
Thank You for choosing SEPTA
This is a B Train