The Afterglow....

I keep catching small wiffs of Haggis all week. Like a split-second and then it's gone......

Waste of a day

Oi vey
I'm done for today

I've been running meetings all day, and now i want to do nothing but go home. We have our X-Mas party tonight for work so I'm dressed up in a suit. After work I'm gonna go sit in a random bar for 2 hours waiting for the party to start. It doesnt make sense to go all the way home.

The party's gonna suck as it's a couples event this year and my wife cant make it. The funny thing is that noone here has ever met my wife, so I should have just brought someone else and just said it was my wife. That would have been pretty funny....a guy friend would have been even funnier, because they think I'm sooooo conservative here. I love fucking with peoples perception of me.

so now i'm gonna be the 3rd wheel at a table in some restaurant....joy. We recently hired alot of people, so now I know even less of them....

five miles of clarity

river
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I run through the suits for a few blocks until I hit the bridge at 30th and Market There's a staircase there that go down to a beautiful jogging path that noone seems to know about. Today it is desolate. You can actually forget you are in the middle of a major city.

The path goes along the Schuylkill River, past the Art Museum, and along the famous boathouse row. As soon as I hit the path I can feel the 17 degree windchill, and I wonder what the hell I'm doing out here. I could be sitting in my office surfing the internet.

Snow is begining to fall from a grey sky. It's blowing sideways.

A thin skin of ice is forming on the river.

The wind is stinging my face. Pulling it taught and biting my ears.

"you're here because you're afraid to lose"
i stop running for a moment and put my hands on my knees resisting the urge to puke on the snow
"yeah, but I'm terrified of winning"
"you better keep running til you forget everything then"

i rumble on

the bath (haiku)

the bath
Originally uploaded by steakbellie

clean wrinkly fingers
play until it's too cold
dad wraps the warm towel

The Return of Social Distortion

social_d
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I've been listening to "Sex, Lies and Rock 'n Roll nonstop autorepeat for about two months now.

If you ever liked Social D you need to aquire this album...it's probably the best thing they've ever put together.

High, Gloss (Haiku)

malevolent me
accross the middle and through
i can take the pain

and begin....

there's alot to do
ALOT
my mind is racing and it totally hasnt hit me yet
I'm giving myself tonight off
i'm going to have some beers
and then tomorrow starts a long road
i'm probably giving up booze til february 3
yeah, i'm that serious

i'm going to create a separate website just for this topic
so i dont have to post everything here
and make everybody sick

but tonight i rest and enjoy the family
because tomorrow i make them crazy

The video is posted

you can see me qualify at:

http://www.philly.com/mld/philly/sports/special_packages/wingbow/

you may have to register to see it and i think it requires RealPlayer. ironically my firewall is blocking me from seeing it till i get home. they have the time wrong, they gave me 5.5 minutes and i did it in less than 4.

let me know if the film is good.

Made it.....

Made it.....
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'"

- J ac k K e r o u a c

do not attempt this at home

The Next Mrs. Steakbellie
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

i just got off the phone with the local sports radio station
they run a competition every year that draws 30,000 screaming fans and sells out the wachovia center.
it's a food eating competition
the food is chicken wings

If you're in the Philly area tomorrow sometime between 7-7:30am i'll be on the radio trying to win a spot at this fabled event on 610WIP (AM Station).

to get in you must do a 'food stunt'
mine will be eating 2lbs of haggis (look it up) in some yet to be determined time. lots of things factor into qualifying....most of it arbitrary. I intend to put on a great show if nothing else.(might be amusing for some of you if i choke to death on live radio!) I've got my father's kilt and my favorite t-shirt as a costume.

the thing is, 2lbs doesnt sound like that much. it really doesnt....but you should see how f'ing big it is when it's piled up in front of you. it's ALOT.

Most of the extreme eaters in the world are big and fat...but the very two best are Skinny and Asian. That will explain why I've been training to loose weight. I'm still working on a way to make myself Asian. Here's a photo of me and Sonia Thomas,the #2 eater in the World. She's only 99lbs!!! This was taken at last years event, where i was to support a friend of mine. dont you just wanna hug her?

so anyway, this is my life, and this is one of my major goals....god i want this really bad......

sleep (haiku)

slept like a baby
it has been so very long
today I'm happy

Incident of the Black Shoes

"He's just like you!!!" she yells at me with frustration as I walk in the door.
I know exactly which of the three she's talking about. It's funny how whenever that is said about Ch@rlie and me, it's never meant in a good way. I put my work bag down and head up the stairs to his room.

Me, Myself & the Ghost of Henry Rollins (Haiku)

inferno within
incinerate this darkness
bring me home again

Finding Purpose

three amigos
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I'd like to expand more this article from Birdy that I pointed out in the previous post.
You Are A Cog.: This Is Your Life

In the comments PlayfulinDC said:
"What else is there? You're the one with the kids, right? Don't they say you understand the meaning of life once you have one?"

I want to repeat and further my comments.

I'm struck by what she has said, probably because I'm one of the people who have said/believed that.

Kids ratchet up your level of responsibility so high that you are no longer afforded the luxuries of self as easily. you are forced to put your own priorities on hold and to center on someone elses. it's not that you get any answers, but that you are given purpose. kids give you purpose.

and not always high-brow purpose, but simple goals...keep them warm, keep them fed, teach them how to speak, how to love, buy them Playstation. i guess they do make me want to be a better person though, i certainly want to be a better Dad to them. i fail that alot, but i do try.

for me, it's been the only clear thing i have to do in my life. everything else is a mess. i still dont know what i want to do, and i'm not even certain what i like....i know what they like. isnt that crazy?

i guess that's what's satisying about parenthood then, you're given a monstorous goal, something to do, some way to be useful with this little bit of time that we have. they consume and exhaust you, yet you're just happy to be there.

the other interesting thing about having kids is that it changes the way you think about your own parents. you realize first-hand the things that they gave up for you: money, sex, sleep, sanity and you're alot more forgiving (or at least understanding) of their failures.

so what happens when they grow up and go away? i dont have a freaking clue....i guess i find a new purpose....

and I'm certainly not saying that people without kids dont have or cant find purpose. we had kids so young, we never had a chance to look for a purpose!

Headup - Deftones

i count down the beats
and when the guitars come in
its so loud
my eyes roll back

You Are A Cog.: This Is Your Life

You Are A Cog.: This Is Your Life
Read this quick article from Birdy. It's so excellent.

fuck yeah

i got dressed in the dark this morning

later i realized that the pants i'm wearing
are 34's, and havent been worn in a long long time

i'm gonna be 'on' today.....

close

xmas_lights
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I turn out all the lights and we open the front door. We're all looking out into the blackness of the street with anticpation. The first snow has begun to fall, and I'm a kid again with my boys. I bend down slightly and smell one of their hair.

All of the christmas lights are lit outside, and it's so peaceful to watch the flakes appear in their glow. They come from darkness and are suddenly illuminated red or green or white.

I love snow, I love walking in the snow, I love getting snowed in, I love driving in snow, I even like shoveling snow. We're all hoping for enough to stay home tomorrow and I'm warm with memories of a million snowstorms.

I look behind me to see the three-legged dog inch his rear-end alittle closer to the fire. Yeah, things are ok.

What I'm not doing

mental paralysis

there is so much to do, and I'm bored of all of it. i've even hit walls on my OWN work that NEEDS to get done. On top of it all I have a backlog of Blog articles in my head that I want to write but cant because i feel guilty that i'm not doing the important stuff. Here's a sampling of whats on the grill. I'm not kidding about the names.

"My Life as a Cock Magnet"
"Incident on the People Mover"
"One Year of Blogging"
"The Bad Side of Crazy"
"Legend of the Blonde Haired Cutie"
"It Feels Like the First Time"

Did you ever feel like you've bored of the Internet? I think I've read it all. Whats next.....

the last to know

steakbellie
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

i shut off the radio and keep my unfocused eyes on the horizon. i can feel the stares of the concerned motorists glaring at me as i pass them.

its so clear now that there were problems with the engine, building for a long time now. i heard the valves tapping months ago and could feel the engine shudder through the steering wheel. i once prided myself on my persistant maintenance, now my lack of diligence has lead to a real failure.

the white smoke coming out of the tailpipe is unmistakable, and i can see in my head what the exact problem is. there is a crack in the engine block and water and coolant are pouring into one or more of the engine cylanders. this car is having a heart attack, right now. half of the engine is burning, while the other half is drowning.

moments to minutes from now, the metal of the engine block will actually melt and in an instant, all of these rotating pieces will become a singular dirty chunk of steel and aluminum. the spinning wheels will attempt to force the now solidified crankshaft to turn. there will a thunderous sound as the transmission explodes into a thousand flying metal disks and literaly falls off the bottom of the car into the highway. i know too much, but idle knowledge hasnt helped me here.

i havent stopped the car yet, in fact i havent even slowed down to the speed limit. i know that once this car has stopped, it will have to be fixed. i will have to ask for help to get home. there will have to be a new plan, a new engine, or a new car

there is a sick curiosity that i must fight. i'm curious how far it will go.

the mile markers tick by

High Plains Drifter.....

under the gun

The job prospect opportunity with my former client is speeding along like lightning right now. I talked with someone there again, today again, and we agreed that I should put together a presentation that is a portfolio/resume combined that is written like a series of case studies.

My weak point will be showcasing copywriting. I've been building ads and brochures forever and have had to do tons of writing when clients didnt provide enough. The problem is nobody ever asked me to document it. It's not like I can show them my blog....'hey look I wrote all about drinking & getting fucked over by my boss!'

The other thing is that this needs to be such a compelling piece that they will be willing to shell out almost DOUBLE what they probably intended for the job.

Problems? It's due Monday morning. Tomorrow is completely lost already, so I may have some of tonight, and some of Sunday. I've always been better under pressure than without, but I'm worried I wont feel the pressure til late Sunday night. Doesnt give me any time for revision and I'm pretty exhausted. I have the graphics locked up already....

Gonna have to do this bird by bird I guess......

bringing it down to bare metal (haiku)

take off all the paint
inspect what's underneath it
the hidden damage

game day

haggis
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

the gods have made their decision. they have accepted my stunt proposal and my opportunity is sometime next week. i have to call in on Monday for the exact day, but i will post it here as soon as i know.

i hate being crytic, but it's necessary for now so it doesnt appear in google. it will make more sense when i can talk about it

this is my opportunity to reach beyond the realm of the normal man, and be kissed by greatness, to be part of something much much bigger than myself...

china sucks

china sucks
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.