The Simple Things

I love to have my back scratched. I'm like a puppy. I love it so much that my back is all itchy right now writing this. Last night I flopped down on my bed in my boxers to see what my wife and kids were watching. The AC was on and it felt great on my skin.

"Son Number 2, would you scratch my back for a minute?" then he whines.."nooooo..." (They're watching 'Cribs' on MTV) "Come-on, just for a minute" I give him a look that reminds him, that me and him had just gotten back from a secret trip to Rita's Water-Ice that nobody else in the family knows about and if he ever wants to go there again he better break out those Talons right now)
"I dont want to...."
I'm frustrated and pissed off. I ask Son Number 3
"How come number 2 doesnt have too?"
I'm completely frustrated because I know to get my back scratched I'll have to yell at somebody and give them a dollar.
I kick all of the ungratefull little bastards out of the room.
By now the itch has moved 10 times around my back. I give my wife the puppy dog eyes and she has mercy on me. It's like the 3rd or 4th best thing ever.....

People on my side - Friends of Carlotta

Thomas Edison
Robert Goddard
John Yossarian
Most people's Moms
Krammer
Mr Pink
Abraham Lincoln

fuck

i wanted to start today off with some Haiku's but I'm too upset about this whole bombing in London. Right now they say 2 people are dead, but that doesnt sound right from some of the descriptions of packed double decker buses flying through the air.

it's exhausting to think about how the American response will be. W will say "see? I told you we should stay the course in Iraq" and half of the country who was trying starting to accept that he was full of shit will say "Yeah! Lets get those Iraqi's!"

We'll all be further distracted, and nobody will look for Osama bin Laden, or any of his other flunkies. He'll even try to turn himself in, and be turned away. We're not any safer under this idiot.

Allah Akbar, Ya'll

Bring the Hammer Down

I've been distracted, worried and unconfident about today. Today I get my promotion. Whats been bothering me is that it's not going to be received well by several people. Mostly it's because yesterday I worked for them, tomorrow they work for me. I can understand and anticipate the angst that comes from that.

One guy in particular doesnt like me. He didnt like me BEFORE he met me. I've been sweet as pie to him and I've determined that he doesnt WANT to like me.

Over the weekend I've thought very hard about my situation. This is a fantastic opportunity for me, and it's mine to blow. I'm an embarrassment to all of those who deserved more but got less, if I allow things like this ruin this opportunity for my family. I've done worse to myself than anyone in this building could ever do to me.

I've prepared myself and written a Business Plan to create some excitment, structure, and goals for the team. I've rehearshed my words, and in an hour I will speak them like I am describing the promised land.

I've been given a pile of rocks. I will either break them or they will break themselves upon me. Either way they get broken.......

Live 8 Philadelphia Soundcheck Photos

Live 8 Philadelphia 100yrds
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

live8 philly
This is Sarah McLoclan and Josh Groban singing during the Live 8 Philadelphia Soundcheck. As you can see from the Photos, It's impossible to see them even if you had the Hubble Telescope once you are more than 200yrds away. The Monument blocks everyones view!Read about the Live 8 Philadelphia Soundcheck

Live 8 Philadelphia 150yds
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Live 8 Philadelphia 200yds
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Live 8 Philadelphia 500yds
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Live 8 Philadelphia video screen
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Live 8 Philadelphia Soundcheck

live8 phillyI just walked over to the Live 8 stage during my lunch break and got to hear Sarah McLaclan's soundcheck. She is freaking awesome! She sings as good or better than on her cd. Josh Groban comes out for a duet during 'arms of an angel' and it send shivers down your spine.

I took a bunch of photos that I will upload tonight to Flickr and post here. If you are from the Philly area, and are interested in 'Seeing' the show you should leave work and go right now for the soundchecks.

ADVICE FOR PEOPLE GOING TO THE SHOW
They expect 1,000,000 people to turn out. Believe it or not, you cant see the stage if you are more than 500 feet away! The stage is set up on the steps of the art Museum, and there is an enourmous Momument right in front of it!!! I'll uploads shots from varying distances tonight. I'm guessing there's room for 10,000 people TOPS to see the thing. Beyond that there are trees all over the Ben Franklin Parkway that further block your view. Fortunately they have video screens set up all down the parkway for the remaining 990,000 people.

Expect to hear a great concert and have fun, but you wont see a thing. It was really a poor choice for a concert, they should have had it in Central Park in NYC.

Batman Begins

If you havent seen this you should consider it while it's still in the theaters. While more than rentable, its an excellant movie to be seen big. I only see a handful of movies in the theater each year, and they are usually kid fillms. Worth getting the sitter. I'd like to give a 'shout-out' to my homey over at DC Comics....well done picture! I was surprised that it didnt review all that great...especially considering the reaction I got from friends who said..."You must see this movie NOW!!!!"

This isnt like those other retarted Batman Movies...this one is dark, edgy, and nearly believable. I sat there with a 55 gal drum of Diet Coke and wouldnt get up for the bathroom because I didnt want to miss a minute!

The guy who plays Batman is great, Liam Nesson is great, Gary Oldman is ALWAYS great...even that stupid chick who is making out with Tom Cruise and his funny tooth is good! She's actually CUTE in this movie. They also did a fine job of respecting the die-hard fans. Steakbellie gives it a solid A

Need an ass-kickin....

I'm going through a mild depression lately. Mostly because of my job methinks. I cant sleep, I cant work. I get like this once in awhile but very rarely in the summer. I should probably be on anti-depressants, but that's too much like asking for help. I dont like asking for help (or reading directions for that matter).

I'm going to use this long weekend to break myself out of it. My plan involves vigorous excercise, lots of sunshine, gallons of beer.

Tonight I start with Squats. I'm going to put 350lbs on the bar (most I ever lifted) and do squats til failure. 60 seconds rest, then drop 10lbs and do another set til failure. I'll keep doing this until I clear the bar (about 29 sets), I throw up, fall down, or give up. This should put me in a righteous amount of pain for the whole weekend. I'll do the same thing with Back tomorrow, Chest on Sunday, and Shoulders on Monday.

I'm going for a long run tomorrow, and a long bike ride on Sunday. The rest of the time I will be at the pool playing with my wife & kids. Evenings will be spent drinking myself happy.

I've been Blogged!

Sassy Travels: Jeepers Creepers....Sassy Travels has done some more research on the Runaway Bride's big freaking googly eyes. She asked to use my wilbanks photo and how could I refuse?

Never been done before

Until Tuesday night I had never been to a movie alone. The biggest reason is that since High School I havent been alone for more than a handful of days. Less than 2 weeks in fact...this is since 1989. Isnt that crazy?

Whats crazier is what happens every time I am alone. I get shitfaced drunk completely by accident.

Here's how the accident happens. The wife and kids go to my inlaws or something for the night. I have to work so I stay home. Most people decide to take it easy and enjoy the silence. I get it in my head that I'm going to get things done, I'm going to complete one or two unfinnished projects, and then get some decent sleep for once. So my head starts to think and thats where it all ends.

I start whatever project I have planned. Things go great for about a half an hour, then I have to get something in the basement. I see the laundry pile, and figure it would be nice for my wife to come back to less laundry. It'll be easy, I'll just pop acouple loads in, and it will get done at the same time I'm working! Dragging clean clothes upstairs and dirty ones down, I pick up some stray, cups and plates and figure I should get the dishwasher going too. I get the dishwasher half empty when I realize I could have my computer downloading music at the same time all of this is happening.

I grab a beer when I pass the fridge, I'm going to be at the computer for abit, so I take an extra. I get on the computer and check mail and start queing things for download, when I realize that the suns going down and I should probably cut the grass. That would be nice to come home to, but I've got to keep the other systems going so I do another load of laundry and pile the clean stuff on my bed to be folded and put away later. I have another beer and get the front lawn cut. I come in and check on my downloads and do another load.

I'm getting hungry so I decide to make dinner. What does a guy all alone want to eat? Steak!!! I get the charcoal grill fired up and while thats getting hot and the songs are downloading and the clothes are washing and drying, I remember that I should finnish my intial project that has tools spread out all over the goddamned place. I'm talking to the dogs, and they bark back at me, they dont like when the kids are gone. I should get another beer, I mean I am alone and should be able to enjoy it!

At this point I'm moments away from throwing it all away and firing up the PlayStation til 2 or 3am at which point I set the alarm for 6 and pass out face down in an enourmous pile of clean laundry with 2 80lbs dogs and at least one cat sleeping on top of me.

As you can imagine, the state of the house does not go over well when my wife gets home, while I'm at work.

So Tuesday night, I decided I would do everyone a favor and go see Batman instead....

Vietnam War Memorial

Vietnam War Memorial
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Vietnam War Memorial
If you ever go to Washington DC, you have HAVE TO experience the Vietnam War Memorial. I was a baby when this war finally ended, and I was fortunate enough not to have any relatives go there.

What makes this Memorial so very amazing is that it is a brutally human experience. People are actively mourning at this site.

The Wall consists of 58,195 names of American Killed, engraved in polished black granite. All of the names are listed in the order they were killed. It is heartwrenching when you actually see name after name after name.

Old people kneeled before their sons names weeping. Young children did charcoal rubbings of what must be their Grandfathers names.

People had taped letters and photos to the wall. Flowers left, gifts left. Every day the Parks commision collects these offerings, and the next day new ones come. 365 Days a year. These young Men are not forgotten by their families, by their friends, by their girlfriends.

I didnt speak the entire time because of how choked up I had become. I might be good for my kids to see me cry in some way, but I kept the code of men. I knew I had to say something about what was going on. I had prepared them for what they might see, but hadnt expected to be emotional myself. I managed to tell them "Each of these people had a body, a family, a story, a life."

In six years my oldest will be elegible to die in Iraq. Will I have to come to some new wall that we are building to do a charcoal rubbing of his name? See that boy in the reflection? Thats him. He's as real as the poor boys listed here were.

You should visit this wall. No matter where you are politically, this wall is an education in the realities of war and what our families are dealing with 30 and 40 years later.

Bar B Que Battle

wienermobile
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Whats more American than the weinermobile? I can think of anything, except maybe the Boob-Mobile. Wouldnt that be awesome to drive this sucker around town? How embarrassed would your teen-agers be when you dropped them off at the movies in this thing. What if this was the only car you let them borrow?

I saw this sucker at the "Bar-B-Que Battle" in DC. It costs me $35 to get my family in the door. Their were supposed to be free samples. The free sample line was enourmous, and they were giving out those little boxes of cereal and cookies. WTF? I mean dont you expect the 'Free Samples' to be BBQ related? I dont expect a free rack of ribs, but how about a cup of chili? I mean I did pay $35!!!

Now the streets were lined with competitors who came from all of the country with these enourmous grills to do BBQ battle. They closed down 4 blocks of Pennsylvania Avenue and hundreds of competitors lined the fences they erected. Here I was, ready to drop some serious cash, going from competitor to competitor testing & tasting their craft.

The smell was maddening, and is what drew us to this event, you could smell chicken and pork over at the White House!

The shameful reality was that NONE of the BBQ was for sale to the public!!!!! NONE OF IT The only people allowed to get food were judges!. They dont tell you that on the way in. The event organizers set up only 3 FRIGGIN stands that sold food. It cost me ANOTHER $60 to get my family 18 ribs, 1 smoked Turkey Leg (that was undercooked), 1 McRib type sandwich, and frozen lemonades. The event was a complete rip-off. Why the hell would I want to check out this contest if I could only LOOK at the competitors...I was starving! I AM STEAKBELLIE FEED ME!

I think it's a reaccurring event, when it comes to your city, stay away. Unless you wanna see the weinermobile that is....

You KNOW that theres a list somewhere of people that have had sex in the weinermobile...theres gotta be...can you imagine how cool THAT would be?!?!

No, thank YOU, Mr President

Dear Mr. Bush,
Thank you so very much for getting back at those dirty Iraqi's for what they did to us on 9-11. So far we've killed over 100,000 Iraqi's since we have been there (most are women and childen thank goodness for you 'culture of life' people) but thats in revenge for the Iraqi Nationals who hijacked those planes and flew them into the towers...and the Iraqi money that financed it, and the Iraqi minds that planned it.

I almost feel bad that we actually attacked Afghanastan first, boy what a mistake THAT was...WHEW!!! Can you imagine if we had wasted 200 Billion Dollars trying to Kill Osama Bin Laden?!?! They dont even have any oil!

Truly Disappointed

The cool thing about being in a city is that people hand out free crap all the time. Walk a few blocks during rush hour and you might get samples of deoderant, candy bars, or coupons. Typically, I avoid anyone trying to hand me something (unless it's a hoagie) but on the way home I spotted a flock of young marketers handing out packets of Nicorette Gum! Now I already dont smoke, so I figured it would be a great time to start chewing it. I'd pop a new piece in every 10 minutes until something happened.

People were grabbing the packages like they were real cigarettes. I got 6! Just enough to attempt my little experiment on the train commute. Now I was really surprised that they could hand that stuff out on the street corner, so you can imagine how excited I was to have such a bounty! The outside of the package has the big logo and all kinds of BlahBlah about the new cool mint Flavor! which I am about to enjoy. I take a seat on the El, and open the first package. Inside, they have a big announcement. THIS IS ONLY A SAMPLE TO DEMONSTRATE THE NEW GREAT MINT FLAVOR AND DOES NOT CONTAIN NICOTINE.

How shitty is that? I still ate the first piece and it sucked. I'm throwing the rest away. Here's an idea, shouldnt they have Tobbacco flavored gum that these people can chew in the bars so they can get bad breath without making my clothes stinky?

A great story I found whilst blog jumping....

Things That Make Me Go Hmmmmm....: Church

six beers from happy

God made me to break rocks.

Somewhere along the way somebody told me I was smart. They mistook my silence for wisdom, my ignorance for endurance, my trivia for intellegence, my niavity for morality. I believed them, and now I sit here in this office.

I'm not smart though. My brain chatters non-stop, the same way that my leg bounces when I sit down. Just because my leg is moving doesnt mean I'm running a marathon. My turning thoughts arent doing anything but making me sick.

I want a helmet and a hammer. I want safety glasses and steel tipped shoes. Point me towards a Mountain, and I'll make myself so tired, that there will finally be silence within. You'll have to tell when the sun goes down to go home, because I just dont know when to stop.

Sit me down at coffee and I will recite the automated responses:"Working Hard?", "Hardly Workin!","Ya Cocksucker" We will go around the circle, and everyone will say what we have planned for retirement. I will be the only one smiling, because there wont be a thing in my head.

Just because he's cute

son number 3
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Here's Son Number 3. I just wanted to make sure he got equal face time on my blog as the other two have.

When there's nothing you can do

son number 2
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

I was having an ok day. With 2 working parents and 3 boys, life can get very hectic. Many times to wind up getting together with other parents in the same boat, and creating a coalition to help each other out. Mostly we call them friends. It can actually make things easier, my kid my be a handful, but if yours comes over, they can play together and make things easier. Plus I know you'll repay the favor sometime.

My wife only works part time in the summer beacuse the boys are out of school, today was a day she had to go in for a few hours. The boys had things like swim practice (all at different times) a trip to the Ice Skating Rink (with the Rec Dept) and finally time at the neighbors till she gets home. My wife arranges all of this because she can. I'm an absolute moron when it comes to getting people somewhere on time, when I'm not the driver.

This morning my wife drops Number 2 Son at swim practice on her way to work. One of the Moms volunteers to bring Number 2 home after practice (instead of a friend that was going to swing by) Her son is a friend of Number 2 and she wanted number 2 to come of for abit today to play with him. So they arrange everything and exchange phone numbers.

It starts to rain at the end of practice and this lady grabs her kids and runs to the car. She leaves my 9 year old son all alone at the freaking swimclub. Do you know what piece of shit I feel like knowing that my kid was forgotten and alone, while I'm almost an hour from rescuing him? As a parent I feel like a complete schmuck. My son doesnt care, but I feel like a hopeless useless piece of machinery.

The original friend came and resucued him. It was an hour before this lady remembered and left an apology on my wife cell phone. This really sucks. My wife gets so upset over these things, and todays her birthday. Happy Birthday.

Weekend Adventure

Took the family to Washington DC this weekend. I can see many blog articles coming from this trip. I'll start with a list of the top 5 things were most exciting/memorable for me:
* Me and my sons peeing on a bush within sight of the White House Gates
* The Smithsonian Air & Space Museum - All the best stuff that Dads & Boys care about
* The Vietnam War Memorial - Extraordinarily Moving
* The International Spy Museum - All kinds of cool stories and gadgets
* Fords Theatre - You can actually see the place they shot Lincoln!
We did much much more, but thats for starters!

A mighty tale of woe and regret

son number 1
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

My 11 year old beat me in "HORSE" yesterday playing basketball. I was beating him H-O-R-S to nada, when he staged an amazing 15 minute comeback. I'd make six shots in a row and he'd follow suit. Then I'd miss, and he'd make a hard one.

I did what any decent father would do. I started talking some serious shit. It STILL works on my little brother...and he's 28! This 11 year old was unflappable! In retrospect I SHOULD have gone nuclear and told him in detail about the night he was conceived...

Sure, I'll make sure he doesnt beat me for a long time. I'll bang the rust off my shot and do what it takes to win, but now I know the tide's coming in, and I cant hold it back forever.....even the little one is gunning for me now....

Good Advice

Dont shave your head the day before you get your passport photo. Especially if you've never seen your self with a shaved head before. You just might discover that your mellon head is far bigger than you thought. Oh, and dont do that in the winter winter either....no definately not in winter.....

Behold the Burning Bush!

FIRE
Originally uploaded by steakbellie.

Ten Commandments

Here's the scene:
My wife and I are sitting on our deck talking with sons 1 & 2. Number 3 is playing basketball in the driveway. Son number 2 asks me to explain what the 10 Commandments are.

Dad: "Well there was a man named Moses who was leading the Israelites through the desert...."
Son Number 1: "Didnt they get lost in the desert for 40 years?"
Dad:(Impressed)"Very Good!"
Mom: "How did you learn that?
Son Number 1: "The Simpsons"
Dad: (Impressed)
Mom:"Oh Lord...."
Son Number 2: "Lost for 40 years? What an Asshole!"
Dad & Son Number 1: (Laughing like Bevis & Butthead)
Mom: "Watch your mouth!"
Dad: (Regaining composure, trying to finish the story)"So Moses goes to the top of Mount Ararat to talk to God, and hopefully get some decent directions. God comes to him as a Burning Bush...
Sons 1 & 2 are cracking up: "A WHAT?!!?!"
Dad: "A Burning Bush! God didnt have good special effects back then!...so anyway God gave Moses two big stone tablets that he had carved the ten comandments on."
Son Number 2: "God had to carve them on a rock?"
Dad:"Yeah, I guess, well while Moses was talking to the Burning Bush (Sons laughing again) His people had melted down a bunch of gold jewelry and made a sculpture of a cow that they were going to worship"
Both Sons Belly laughing : "A COW?!?!"
Dad: "Yes, they wanted to worship a cow....So anyway Moses sees them with the cow, and gets all pissed off and smashes the two stones tablets!"
Son Number 1: "So how do they know what the hell they said?"
Son Number 2: "Who's the God with like 6 arms, he looks cool, I'm gonna worship him"
Dad: "I'm getting another beer"

Great Ideas Are Scary

I had a long conversation with someone today about an idea for a software product. It is no different in scope than stuff he and I produce everyday, in fact it might be easy. We know it fills a need, and it could potentially be profitable. Once the initial work is done, it can be sold over and over.

I knew it was a great idea, when each of us had a creative solution to the others road block. We even figured out how to do it for very little money ($500 or less). I actually got butterflys in my stomach. This is the point when people get scared. Do I jump after it, or stifle it like so many other ideas....

The Girl at Atlantic & Chelsea

Air is pouring into my windows at 80mph. The only light anywhere comes from my dashboard, my headlights and the thousands of Lighting bugs that float in the hot wet air that I am slicing through. It kind of gives you the impression of being underwater with those soft glows coming on and off at various depths above me. I'm on a road cutting through the Pine Barrens of South Jersey. Just driving... frustrated and trying to make sense of it all.

My barefoot holds the cheap black plastic pedal to the floor. I'm in third gear, when I should be in fifth, but I dont shift up because I need the engine yell like I want to yell. I know that I'd feel better if I cried, but I dont do that either. Its the kind of stupid passionate 24 year old or teenager might do. Taking turns too tight just to see...to see if I really am as immortal as I feel.

In my head is a girl I would think about for years to come. She's not my wife (who is home waiting for me with our baby) and I dont know her name. My buddy saw her walk past our office as we were getting ready to run to the corner for a soda. I didnt see her till moments later when she lay under a brand new white Dodge Neon.

She had on a beautiful yellow dress that cascaded down her legs an onto the dark asphalt of that Atlantic City Intersection. I later realize that the pattern on the cloth is from the tires. She was my age and pretty, and if I had seen her in any other situation I'd probably divert my eyes from her gaze in shyness, and then forget her forever.

It happened infront of two Firemen, who immediatley radioed for help, and were trying to assess her situation. They leave the girl where she is, spooning the front passanger tire, while they check to see if she's breathing. They're concerned her back is broken.

I stare at her tan legs and wonder what happened to her shoes. I realize that there are people yelling in Spanish all around me, and I'm embarrassed to be gawking at this poor girl and I run back to the office.

So now I'm testing myself, angry at nobody, angry at everything for what may be a senseless loss. I'm mad at myself for not knowing who to be mad at. It is ironic how much life is in these woods I'm driving through, and how all I can taste is death.

In the coming days I would debate calling all of the local hospitals. Did she live? What was her life like? What was her name? I never called. Even as time went on, I always wondered.

Years later, I would buy a house in another town and I would get all my answers. A neighbor would tell how her Son's godmother was hit by a car, went into a coma and died a few days later. I would scare the shit out of her by saying "I was there"

My Fathers Day Gift

All three of my sons lost their little league playoff games on Sunday! I get my evenings and weekends back! Wahooo! I hate the game of baseball, but I enjoy watching my boys play. With the 3 of them on 3 different teams with 3 different practices and games...it was getting alittle rediculous!